Underage Sex: When YES Means NO

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The year was 2011 and upon seeing my posting letter in camp, I didn’t know whether to disappear or let the ground swallow me. I was posted to one of the riverine areas in Bayelsa even after working/pleading/arranging/paying to be posted to the state capital, Yenegoa.

I couldn’t swim, I didn’t have a life jacket, I had never really traveled on water and here I had to report to a riverine area which was about 40 minutes trip on water.

In this despair, I disappeared to Lagos to contemplate my next plan of action. I resumed duty after a month when my hopes of a re-posting appeared bleak and had to forfeit my N19,800 allowee as punishment for absconding from duty.

Upon resumption at my PPA (Place of Primary Assignment), I noticed the following about the community.

# No light. No NEPA. Generators were the order of the day.
# No network. None. The river bank was your best chance of making and receiving calls.
# No running water. Water from the river was your only chance of getting water. The same river the villagers had their bath, washed their clothes and even poo’d in.
# The underage girls in the village where either pregnant or sexually active.

As a Petroleum Engineering graduate, I started off as an English and Biology teacher partly to teach sex education and help improve their spoken and written English.

One thing I swore never to do and never did was take advantage of my elevated position as a teacher/Corper to defile the small girls in the school or community.

I never allowed female students to visit me in the corper’s lodge (which was in the same compound with the school). I never for once discussed sexual topics privately with any female student. I never for once touched any female student inappropriately. I never for once made sexual advances at any female student.

I respected myself, the little children under my care, their parents and God.

Luke 12:48 “….For to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom men have committed much, from him they will ask the more”.

The responsibly of these girls. The care of these girls. The innocence of these girls. The future sexual conduct of these girls were inadvertently in my hands.

Why would I then subvert myself into a sexual predator preying on the inquisitiveness and ignorance of these teenage girls?

It was with disdain and anger that I read the news of one Gbadamosi Mayowa, an NYSC corps member serving in a secondary Edo state bragging of receiving head from one of his female students. In his FB post, he was quoted as saying “When your student wants the dick and you are contemplating. At the end she gon go down and suck the hell out of you……. #Babyboy #EdoCorper #BadGang”.

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This deranged Corper even boasted in previous posts of giving his students alcohol. Imagine the effrontery.

His posts caused an uproar and he has since deleted his Facebook account. Below are a few of the reactions to his sexual perversions.

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This is lesson to all male Corpers currently serving in mixed or girls only schools. Leave your students alone. If it’s sex you desire, get a mature girl to satisfy your sexual urge. You should be a pillar to these sexually naïve girls instead of taking advantage of them, robbing them of their innocence and turning teenage girls into nymphos.

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The Corper should be arrested and made to pay for his sexual exuberance. Having sex with underage in Western countries would bag you a prison sentence but in Nigeria, not even a police report is issued. When would we as a country begin to protect our girls from sexual predators in the kind of Gbadamosi Mayowa?

But wait a minute. Some places in my dear country allow girls as young as 13 years to be given up in marriage.

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Seems we are fighting a lost battle.

When Guys Have To Cook To Survive

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I grew up having no need to enhance my cooking skills. I had a mother who more or less was a housewife and made selfless efforts in making sure my two siblings and I had food to eat as at when hungry (rich families eat when due, we eat when hungry).

I proceeded to boarding school where it was the school’s responsibility to feed us so my cooking skills lay dormant.

Then after secondary school, I got admission into Nigeria’s foremost Private University popularly referred to as a glorified secondary school (I didn’t mention any name..lol). In my school, we weren’t allowed to cook (so we either bought food from the school cafeteria or cooked indomie/spaghetti with electric kettle in the hostels. My cooking skills still lay dormant.

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I graduated and served my country in Bayelsa but in my corper’s lounge we had female Corpers who did the cooking while the boys contributed a larger bulk of the money for cooking. My cooking skills were still unattended to.

Then I left to the UK to further my education. That’s where everything changed….lol.

I got to the UK and my first few days were spent eating burger, chips, chicken and all those Oyimbo food.

Then it dawned on me that I could never maintain such eating habits with my little pocket money and the warehouse job I eventually got.

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Why don’t I eat in the many Nigerian restaurants in Coventry City?

Wrong!!!!!

Due to the expensive nature of bringing down food/soup ingredients from Nigeria, even Nigerian good were pricier than Oyimbo food.

“Why not cook your meals?”, a friend asked.

“Cook what?” When indomie was the only meal on my “things-I-can-cook list.

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To survive in the UK, I literally had to wake my dormant cooking skills up and learn how to cook. With the help of my beautiful Nigerian girlfriend back then, I learnt how to cook which has kept me in good stead even upon returning back to Nigeria and living a bachelor’s life.

In Chimamanda Adichie’s words “Cooking is a very useful skill for a boy to have. The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have”.

I blame my mother for not insisting that all her children (boys and girls) learnt how to cook. “What if, in raising children, we focus on ability, instead of gender? What if, in raising children, we focus on interest, instead of gender? I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, “Go and cook [noodles] for your brother.” Now, the girl doesn’t particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she’s a girl, and so she has to. Now, what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie noodles?” – Chimamanda Adichie.

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It’s time, boys and girls are taught how to cook equally.
It’s time, men and women learnt how to cook because “I’ve never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish one’s self, in the hands of others”. – Chimamanda Adichie.

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7 Sex Lessons Mosquitoes Teach

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I had just endured a horrible night with a whole feast of mosquitoes taking turns to somehow reduce the amount of blood in my body. That experience gave birth to the much read and popular “7 Relationship Lessons Mosquitoes Teach Daily“.

I really didn’t envision writing another ‘mosquito’ article but then again, why not milk the concept. Even smart movie producers know the potency of having a sequel to a successful movie and what better subject to solicit for advice from the imperious mosquitoes than sex.

So as a sequel to the original article, let’s delve into the waters of sexuality and look at how mosquitoes advice us on having a satisfactory sex life.

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7 Sex Lessons Mosquitoes Teach–>>

1. Before sex: Mosquitoes aren’t just born out of the blue, they are meticulously birthed. The female mosquitoes in need of protein for their eggs go out in search of a blood meal. So that’s why they suck your blood (nothing personal…lol). After sucking blood, they seek for stagnant water to lay their eggs. After a few days usually 10 days, the eggs hatch into larvae then to wigglers. The wigglers then develop into pupae and after several days, the pupae changes into mosquitoes. It’s a process and none can overtake the other.

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How well do you know your partner before having sex?
What else do you admire about her asides her voluptuous body?
What else do you admire about him asides his sense of humor and looks?
Do you know what makes him tick?
Do you know her likes and dislikes?
Do you know her dreams and goals?
Do you know what makes his heart beat?
Follow a process. Don’t just rush into sex.

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2. The little fly: As a little boy, I didn’t know much about sex but the earliest sex education I got weren’t through the efforts of Mr. Edowo, my Biology teacher but by my sexually exposed seniors watching porn in the hostel after night out. The first lesson porn exposed me to was the importance of the size of a man’s penis in satisfying a woman. All the porn stars all seemed to be endowed and the ladies loved it.
Growing up and being exposed to sex showed the truth behind that earlier theory but what porn didn’t tell me was that to satisfy a woman takes more than being heavily endowed. It was way more than that.

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It dawned on me that being heavily endowed wasn’t top of a woman’s sexual needs, knowing how to handle her body was. You don’t have to have a womb destroying tool to satisfy a woman, even if you were small down there, use it judiciously to arouse her erroneous zones. Learn what turns her on. Study her moans. Use your tongue. Kiss her. Pet her. Romance her. Get her wet and dripping. Make her cum.

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Like the mosquitoes, as little as they are, they have more impact on the human race than any flying creature God created. As an African Proverb deftly put it, if you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.

It’s not how big brother but how well.

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3. Mosquitoes suck: I was having a discussion with a disgruntled woman lacking sexual satisfaction with her husband. She was of the opinion that to attain her sexual peak desired getting head but her husband was having none of it. He felt it was ‘dirty’ and couldn’t imagine himself going down on her.

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So this is how mosquitoes function, they suck and spit. As they suck the blood of their victim with their long pointed mouth part (proboscis), they pump saliva into your body to fasten the process which gives you the bumps you have after a mosquito bite.

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To be a better lover, you need to practice the suck and spit technique.
Instead of diving head straight into sex, utilize your saliva and lick unprintable parts of your partner. Every guy loves head. Every girl loves head. Be ahead by giving head..lol

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4. Hibernate: Have you ever wondered why mosquitoes don’t survive in cold regions of the world? They can’t survive at temperatures less than 50 degrees so the adult females of some species find a hole where they hibernate and wait for warmer weather. By so doing, they avoid the colder temperatures and live up to six months while the male lives for a few weeks.

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When a relationship is built on sex, it’s like building a house on a faulty foundation; it will come crashing down sooner or later. In order to have a long lasting relationship, learn to hibernate your sex life and build yourselves. Don’t always have sex whenever you guys are together. Go off sex for a month. Build your understanding. Build your dreams. Communicate. Play games. Take vacations together. Build a rapport. Be best friends before you become lovers. Hibernate.

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5. Change your style: There are around 3,000 mosquito species in the world but the dominant one in Africa is the anopheles (the malaria carrier).

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In that same vein, there are over 1,000 sex positions and concepts in the world but the dominant one is missionary position. Till today, I have no idea who came up with the missionary position concept.

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Who told us that a man must always be on-top during sex?
Who gave us the idea that a woman must be the submissive partner while the man the dominant?
Who gave couples the idea that sex must always be in the bedroom?
Who gave sexually active partners the notion that sex must be mundane and rigid?

There are so many things that married couples aren’t doing and it’s making sex feel like a task, something one must do to fulfill marital vows.

It’s time for married couples to leave their comfort zones and experiment.

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Have you tried role playing?
Are you aware she could play a nurse and you a sick patient?
Are you aware he could a police man and you a criminal?

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Have you tried BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission and Masochism)?
Are you aware he could tie you to the bed poles?
Are you aware she could spank you with your belt?

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Have you tried public sex?
Are you aware you both can have sex in your car in a shopping mall’s parking lot?
Are you aware you could go down on him while watching a movie at the cinema?

Have you tried bedroom less sex?
Are you aware that sex in the kitchen is so much fun?
Are you aware that sex in the parlor is more enticing?

 

 

Have you tried something else?
Are you aware that the helicopter style exists?
Are you aware of other sexual positions asides missionary and doggy?

Spice up your sex life. Don’t be boring. Common.

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6. Be vocal: Mosquitoes make that annoying zzzzzzzzzzz sound when flying over your ears because their wings can beat up to 500 times per second. They are known for their trademark sound which heralds the arrival of a mosquito and makes the prospective victim take notice and guard against the incoming bite.

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What’s your trademark sound during sex? It’s called ringtone.
Are you the silent type?
Moaning is part of sex and should never be downplayed.
Instead of standing there looking like a statue, it’s time to show how you feel by the sounds you make. Tell him where you want to be touched. Tell him when you are feeling it by the loudness of your moans.
It’s not a man’s thing to moan during sex but it’s not a crime to talk nasty.
Tell her how she’s making you feel. Ask her if she’s enjoying it.
Whose daddy?…..*wink*

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7. Mosquito nets: Insecticide treated nets have been shown to reduce malaria among children and pregnant women by more than 50 percent.

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If you are unmarried and sexual active, then isn’t it wise to use your own ‘mosquito nets’ to avoid ‘malaria’ cases? Use a condom to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.

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Even for the married folks, family planning is key. Space your children. Use condoms, pills, injections as prescribed by your Doctor. Sex doesn’t always have to result in a baby. Think about it.

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Wedding Proposals Gone Wrong

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There is something magnificent about marriage proposals. You know that moment a man surprises his girlfriend in public and usually in the midst of friends. He goes down on one knee with an engagement ring in one hand and pops the question every girl longs to hear. It’s always followed with the lady covering her face and mouth in shock and ‘tearly’ blotting out the word every guy wants to hear “YES”.

Marriage proposals are cute and endearing leaving everyone around with that awwwwwwwww feeling.

But what happens when after all the efforts, the girl says NO.

We never get to hear that part of the story, do we?

So this is the NO story you don’t get to hear. True life stories by men and women who shared details about marriage proposals that were turned down on Whisper (an anonymous secret sharing website).

Below are some of their stories and my take on them.

 

3c850c4100000578-4158744-image-a-9_1485467982892Be sure where her heart lies before you propose marriage. Test the waters. Ask her questions about the future. Make sure you both have the same goals and visions.

 

 

3c850c7300000578-4158744-image-a-17_1485468212836Being romantic doesn’t substitute for understanding and companionship. It’s not about the gifts, the shopping sprees and what have you. Instead on focusing on making her look and feel good, lay emphasis on building a relationship marriage worthy.

 

 

3c850c8900000578-4158744-image-a-20_1485468234374What do you want and when do you want it? It’s time to discuss what you want with your spouse. That’s the importance of communication. He wants to get married this year and you want to get married in two year’s time. It’s time to reach a compromise that would work for both parties.

 

 

3c850c8e00000578-4158744-image-a-19_1485468228112Are you ‘Queen’ enough for the ‘Prince Charming’ you are praying for? It’s time to build yourself enough to accommodate that dream spouse you keep praying for. Accommodate means taking in their flaws and excesses. If he snores, can you stand it? If he has a child, can you handle it? If she has a dark secret, can you live with it?

 

 

3c850c7700000578-4158744-one_young_woman_said_she_turned_down_her_boyfriend_s_proposal_be-a-4_1485470950574Are you ready? Readiness has many facets;
Are you physically ready? (old enough)
Are you mentally ready? (mature enough)
Are you financially ready?
Are you physiologically ready?
Be ready before taking that plunge.

 

 

3c850c6a00000578-4158744-image-a-22_1485468254698Stop dating someone you can’t marry. Stop sharing your life with someone you don’t intend living it with. Stop sharing your secrets with someone you don’t intend growing old with. Why date her when you don’t want to marry her? In case you don’t value your time value theirs.

 

3c850c8500000578-4158744-image-a-21_1485468243581It never is and never will be about the size of the ring or the size of the wedding. It’s always about the heart. For better for worse. In sickness and in health. In rich and in poor.

 

 

3c850c4500000578-4158744-others_revealed_how_their_proposals_were_not_only_rejected_but_t-a-1_1485470950380Never assume. Know your stand in his or her life. While you might be waiting for his proposal, he might be buying a ring for someone else. While you might be planning for the proposal, she might be planning her wedding with someone else. Don’t assume.

 

 

3c850c6100000578-4158744-image-a-16_1485468140183For the ladies, never be in a hurry. Don’t sell your self short out of impatience. Be patient enough to wait for him to do what he ought to do. Proposal is a man’s thing. Don’t emasculate your man.

 

 

3c850c6e00000578-4158744-image-a-15_1485468103604What’s worth doing is worth doing well. For certain ladies, the proposal is as much as a big deal as the wedding itself. Know her taste and try as much as possible to meet it. The key word is ‘try’.

 

Reference:
People Share Rejected Marriage Proposals by KHALEDA RAHMAN FOR MAILONLINE. Click HERE to read.

 

GOD: The World’s Best Wedding Planner

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“If you wait till you have everything before you marry, you will not get married”. This was by far the most important advice I ever heard concerning marriage. Here I was with Mr. Kennedy listening to him as attentively as I could as he spilled words of wisdom about marriage into my subconscious.

He continued, “I was not even 30 years old when my dad said it was time for me to get married. I wasn’t even thinking of marriage because I had other things I wanted to do and achieve before even contemplating marriage.

‘Daddy, I want to buy a car before I get married’, I told him. My dad replied ‘Interesting, that’s good. So fix a date you want to buy your car so we can start planning your marriage’. His words were like a reality check. I should fix a date I want to buy the car?

That’s when my dad told me the advice that made me take that leap of faith those years ago

‘If you wait till you have everything before you marry, you will not get married’.

It’s been over 20 years since we had that conversation, I don’t still have a car till now but I have eight children and a wonderful wife”.

“My brother, let me tell you my own story”, said Mr. John as I sat in his office discussing marriage. He continued “after my wedding, I went home with my new wife and all we had in the house was three cups of beans. All the money we got from the wedding was used to settle the wedding bills. My wife knew all we had was three cups of beans but we were in a dilemma, if we eat the beans now, what would we eat tomorrow? But we had to eat something so we cooked the beans, eat and slept. The next day came and an empty pot and empty house greeted us when we woke up.

In fact, I was the first to wake up and with no work, I just kept wondering what my new wife would eat when she woke up. How could I marry a woman and now starve her on the first day? It was in this mental predicament that I heard a knock on the door. I opened up to see a friend who didn’t attend the wedding. He was going on and on about how he couldn’t make it to the wedding yesterday because of a few things that held him up. While he was apologizing, all I had in my mind was how and what I was going to do to feed my new wife. I didn’t tell him my number one problem but as he was about going, he dipped his hand in his pocket and gave me N3,000. This was over 15 years ago and till today I will never forget that money and the good it did in my life those perilous times.

My brother, as he said in conclusion,

“you don’t wait to be established before marriage, marriage establishes you”

I was always of the opinion that one needed to be settled before contemplating marriage. A man had to have his own house, a good paying job and a car. Enough money to take care of his wedding expenses and his new wife. But here I was listening to men that have gone through what I wanted to go through telling me otherwise.

First it was Mr. Kennedy and now Mr. John, both seemed to have the same “find the right woman and get married and everything else will fall in place” message.

Then just like yesterday I remembered the woman in the taxi in Calabar. I had just entered Calabar for the first time sometime last year and I boarded a cab to my friend’s house when the cab guy engaged me in a conversation that veered towards marriage.

He told me of his desires to get married but lacked the finances to take the leap of faith. Just as if God planned it, he stopped and picked this woman and a little girl. The little girl alighted a few blocks away. While we were discussing, this woman who I didn’t get her name overheard our conversation and pitched in. She told us her own story and God bearing me witness, I would try as much possible to say it as I heard that fateful day.

She began, “when I wanted to get married, my husband and I had only N850 to our name. He didn’t have enough to buy a crate of egg talk less of wedding cake or other things that a wedding entails. He kept postponing because he wanted things to be in place before we got married. I kept waiting and praying for our story to turn around and then like a wake up call, Papa (Bishop David Oyedepo) told us (the congregation) during a LIVE service not to depend on our finances to get married. He asked ‘is there anything too big for God to do?’

Then he directed us to write the date we planned on getting married down on a sheet of paper. I did. I went home that night and called my fiance. Told him the date we were getting married. He thought I had either gone mad or I had won a lottery somehow. I told him we were not getting married from our resources but God’s supply. It took a lot of convincing but he bought into the idea, we fixed our wedding date (same one I had picked as directed by the man of God). Remember we didn’t have money to plan a birthday party not to talk of a wedding. We told friends of our wedding plans and the date. Believing that the doors of Heaven will open in our favour.

Then just like a dream of the night, friends started calling and asking for our account numbers. It was like a competition to get our account numbers began as we announced the date. Alerts were coming in on a daily basis. The wedding came and went and just like the miracle of the five loaf and two fish, we had over N500k left after the wedding to start our life as a newly wedded couple”. She concluded and almost immediately stopped the cab and left. I was so much in awe that payed for her cab fare for I knew I had heard a testimony that would bless me for the rest of my life.

As I like to do when writing articles, I listen to gospel songs for inspiration but while writing this article, Sinach’s song ‘Way Maker’ came up and the chorus of that magnificent song resonated greatly with the message of this article.

It reads……..
“Way maker
Miracle worker
Promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God,
That is who you are”

Even with no money, no car, no job, no money for bride price and wedding expenses. God is a way maker, enough to make a way for you.

He is a miracle worker. Have we all forgotten how He fed 5,000 men minus women and children with just five load and two fish? How many people are coming for your wedding that He can’t feed them with His infinite Heavenly resources?

He is a promise keeper. He told us in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the LORD”. Your task as a man is to find a wife and favour as promised will locate you. Your job as a woman is to be found and favour as promised will find you.

He is a light in the darkness. The darkness of joblessness. The darkness of financial stagnation. The darkness of no car or even a house. The darkness of rising costs of bags of rice and every commodity used in weddings. He is the light in every darkness and remember, John 1:5 says “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness comprehended it not”.

I challenge you to get married this year. I don’t care if you have the money or not. God doesn’t care, you are just worrying for nothing.
Fix a date even if you are currently as single as the number 1, send out invites and leave the rest for the Way Maker to take charge.

Make God your wedding planner this year. He will never fail you. Never.

Lesson For The Future: Make Everybody A Somebody

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Media personality, Ariyike Akinbobola shared this message this morning and it inspired me, read below:

“When I was in Law school about 11 years ago, One morning as I was getting ready to go to school, my mum’s driver came to me and said my neighbour’s driver had reversed into my car. I was LIVID! I was MAD! My Tokunbo smallie Honda that I was still flexing around had been BASHED. I was ANGRY! But my Mum told me to calm down and not get angry, she said I should go outside, see how damaged the car was and that I shouldn’t shout at the guy. I walked outside and saw that the front door on the Passenger’s side had been badly dented, it was Bad! It would have to be panel bested and sprayed! It would cost money!

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But I didn’t loose my cool. In a very calm voice, I asked the question most would have asked “So what are we going to do now?” and his response was “I will fix it ma”. I looked at him and said “It’s okay, I will sort it out”. He was weak, he went flat on the floor to prostrate. Hausa man, over 6ft tall, probably about 15 years older than me. I was in shock! I immediately told him to get up. I ended up fixing my car by myself. Fast forward to many years later, the guy who hit my car, a former driver has set up an oil and gas company.

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He now has diesel trucks and he supplies most houses diesel in the Lekki axis. At the last major Charity event I organized at Muri Okunola Park in V.I (Victoria Island in Lagos, Nigeria), he gave us free diesel and he has told me that if I’m organizing any event, he will supply free diesel. We now buy diesel from him. Imagine if I had insulted him simply because he hit my car back then?”

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Remember that all we do today, ALL, we do today are seeds that we will be harvest tomorrow. It’s LIFE.

When next you are faced with a situation that would make even an angel flare up, provoke, rain insults or react explosively, remember the word “Empathy” which is the ‘divine’ ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes.

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To start using empathy more effectively, consider the following:

1. Put aside.
Put aside your viewpoint, and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
When you do this, you’ll realize that other people most likely aren’t being evil, unkind, stubborn, or unreasonable – they’re probably just reacting to the situation with the knowledge they have.

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2. Validate.
Validate the other person’s perspective. Once you “see” why others believe what they believe, acknowledge it. Remember: acknowledgement does not always equal agreement. You can accept that people have different opinions from your own, and that they may have good reason to hold those opinions.

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3. Examine.
Examine your attitude. Are you more concerned with getting your way, winning, or being right? Or, is your priority to find a solution, build relationships, and accept others? Without an open mind and attitude, you probably won’t have enough room for empathy.

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4. Listen.
Don’t just listen to react, listen to reason.
Listen with your ears – what is being said, and what tone is being used?
Listen with your eyes – what is the person doing with his or her body while speaking?
Listen with your instincts – do you sense that the person is not communicating something important?
Listen with your heart – what do you think the other person feels?

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5. Tomorrow.
Ask yourself this question. “What if this person becomes somebody I need tomorrow. Would I be able to show my face without feeling ashamed of my actions today?”

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Moral of Ariyike’s story: Be somebody that makes everybody feel like a somebody + Never look down on anyone. #Ariyikewrites #Benice #Humility #Love #Kindness #Compassion

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Reference:
1. Be Somebody Who Makes Everybody Feel Like Somebody on Kemi Filani’s Blog . Click HERE to read.

2. Empathy at Work: Developing Skills to Understand Other People on Mind Tools. Click HERE to read.

7 Relationship Lessons Mosquitoes Teach Daily

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After the torrid time I had last night trying to sleep with the added discomfort of mosquito bites and those annoying mosquito sounds all up in my ears. I woke up with three pertinent questions to ask God.

So I began……

“God, why did You make mosquitoes?”

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He didn’t answer, so I asked my follow up question.

“God, why didn’t Adam just swat them when he had the chance instead of naming them?”

God still kept quiet, then I asked the last and final question.

“God, but why did Noah have to bring along father and mother mosquitoe into the ark?”

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I’m sure I made God laugh in Heaven but it was not a joking matter to me.

These questions have plagued mankind for generations with no concrete answers in sight.

Seriously, of what use are mosquitoes?

When all they do is transmit diseases (malaria, dengue fever, yellow fever, encephalitis and the dreaded zika virus)?????

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It was in this despair that I decided to foolishly bring up relationship lessons from my/our ordeal with mosquitoes.

Who sent me?

Let’s begin.

1. Stagnant water: Mosquitoes spend their first 10 days in water, mostly stagnant, smelly water. Water is necessary for the eggs to hatch into larvae, called wigglers. Wigglers feed on organic matter in stagnant water and breathe oxygen from the surface. They develop into pupae, which do not feed and are partially encased in cocoons. Over several days, the pupae change into adult mosquitoes and begin evoking havoc on people.

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In relationships and marriage, stagnant water signifies strife, unsettled grievances, bitterness and malice. When these forms of stagnant water are allowed to fester and are not resolved, it gives room for the birth of larvea (not talking to each other for a while), wigglers (bad mouthing one another), pupae (insults and raised voices), cocoons (physical confrontation and a shouting match) and then mosquitoes (separation or divorce).

Don’t give stagnant water space in your relationships, make sure to breathe fresh life into your relationships every time a party feels offended or betrayed. Talk to each other, resolve issues like grown-ups and move on. Remember, saying sorry and meaning it is like discarding bad water and replacing it with fresh water. It keeps the mosquitoes of separation away.

2. Blood covenant:

Are you aware that male mosquitoes don’t bite?

Yes, only female mosquitoes bite (women and their problem..lol).

Mosquitoes mean nothing personal when they bite you and take your blood. Female mosquitoes need protein for their eggs, and must take a blood meal in order to reproduce. Since males don’t bear the burden of producing, they’ll avoid you completely and instead focus on flowers.375718adbbbdb00e6f2041f09edb8337

In relationships and mostly in  marriage, the person in control of the happenings in the union is the woman. Not only is the woman the care taker, she’s the mother, the cook, the wife, the cleaner, the mentor, the encourager, the supervisor and many more. But more powerful as shown by the biting prowess of the female mosquitoe is the power of her tongue.

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A woman can use her tongue to make her family or tear it down. She can use her mouth to make a man feel important and appreciated or use that same mouth to belittle him and make him feel worthless. She can use her words to make him happy enough to buy her anything or angry enough to beat her black and blue. A woman can use her words to edify or use her words to shame and embarrass. A woman can use her words to make a man feel ten feet high or make him feel empty and useless. A woman can use her words to build and use her words to demolish. A woman can use her mouth to pray or use her mouth to curse. The real power of unity, love, oneness, strength doesn’t lie with the man, it lies in the woman’s mouth.

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Remember, female mosquitoes suck blood with their mouth. Bad mouthed women could suck the life (blood) out of their relationships with their ill guided utterances.

3. The balls of patient: A wise cheeky man once said, when a mosquito lands on a man’s testicles, that’s when he realizes that there is always a way to solve a problem without using violence. No man would be angry enough to slap his balls because he wants to kill a mosquito. That would be tantamount to suicide…lol.

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So why would a man in a relationship be so eager to lay his hands on his woman. A woman he claims to love and adore. A woman he cherishes and promised to protect. A woman he singled out among other ladies and promised to love and adore for the rest of his days. A woman that has become one flesh with him according to Biblical wisdom.

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If you can exercise patience enough not to use violence to handle the mosquito on your balls, the same mosquito you despise and wish dead. How about handling the attack on your pride and masculinity by your woman with more patience and panache.

4. Little issue: It’s no longer news that the biggest killer disease in the World is not the incurable AIDS or even cancer. According to WHO, in 2015, there were roughly 212 million malaria cases and an estimated 429, 000 malaria deaths.

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So get this picture, death caused by lions, dogs, terrorism, cancer combined pale in comparison to death by just malaria alone.

So a little mosquito causes so much havoc. Just that little mosquito.

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That little habit could be the killer of your relationship. That habit of being unappreciative. That nagging habit. That smoking habit. That drinking habit. That womanizing habit. That gossiping habit. That shouting habit. It’s time you kill that little fly before it kills your love life.

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Are you aware that the name ‘mosquito’ is from a Spanish word meaning ‘little fly’?

Neither do I…..

5. Clap your hands o ye people: I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel mosquitoes intentionally sing in your ears so you could try killing them and when you miss, you end up unintentionally applauding them for their effort in making horrendous and annoying ‘music’.

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How often do we appreciate our partners? We have become too familiar with our spouses that we take them for granted.
When last did you thank your husband for bringing money for food? It’s his responsibility to provide but it’s also your responsibly to appreciate and encourage him.

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When last did you appreciate your wife for her efforts in taking care of the children? It’s her duty alright but it’s also your duty to appreciate and encourage her.
When last did you speak words of encouragement to your children for their good behavior and good grades?

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Do we get too ‘familiar’ with each other that we take one another for granted?

Don’t get caught up in that web of over familiarity.

6. The flowers: As we pointed out at the beginning of this article, female mosquitoes are the ones that bite and suck blood. Male mosquitoes on the other hand don’t need blood so they instead feast on flowers. I’m sure they take some of those flowers to their blood sucking wives as a sign of love..lol

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Talking about flowers, how often do you serenade your woman with surprise dinners, gifts, paying for something she wants? It mustn’t be only on her birthday or Valentine’s day you know? Just be attentive. She admires a shoe in a magazine, buy it, wrap it and bring it home. Get her expensive designer undies. Buy her a new phone when hers keeps visiting the phone repairers shop too often. Cook for her. Serenade your woman, dammit.

Take a cue from Adam whose first words after seeing Eve were “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh”. Adam knew how to serenade his woman, don’t be a waste.

7. Stop breathing: Mosquitoes detect carbon dioxide in the air, so the more you breathe, the more likely you are to become a blood meal. Carbon dioxide clues the mosquitoes in to the presence of a living, breathing, blood-pumping animal nearby. Once they sense it, mosquitoes usually fly in a zigzag pattern through the CO2 plume until they locate the source. So to avoid mosquito bites, stop breathing. lol

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There is one thing without which a relationship is destined for the pages of history; lack of trust. So what’s the carbon dioxide (fuel) for lack of trust?

Let me introduce you to these three evil brothers: Gossip, Hearsay and Rumors.

To protect your relationship, maintain your trust and keep your sanity, stay away from gossip mongers. You know those that always have an opinion of people’s relationship issues, those that will always see your boyfriend with another girl, those that will always sense that your boo has another boo. Stay away from these parasitic human beings, they have a way of making you even suspicious of yourself.

Voila.

So there you have it.

Seven ways mosquitoes are the best relationship advisers ever biteth liveth.

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