30 Annoyingly Funny Personal Quotes (Jokes)

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I can’t explain to how I get the inspiration to write such annoyingly funny but true quote/jokes. They just come to me occasionally and when they do, I pen them down so as not to forget. Below are some of them.

1. What bra has joined together, let no man whose not the husband put asunder.

2. The mirror in a girl’s hostel has seen more naked girls than an average guy will ever see in 10 lifetimes.

3. A friend asked me “can I trust you around my gf?” and I said of course yes. The questions should have been “can I trust my gf around you?”.

4. When most guys see a girl with big bum sitting down on a chair, they suddenly become envious of the chair. Enjoying all that softness alone

5. The devil tempted Jesus with bread and failed. Only if he knew where to get shawarma.

6. God created man and rested on the 7th day but from the day He created woman till now, He hasn’t rested.

7. Hey pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. Where is this damn cat?

8. Devil tempted with Eve with an apple and succeeded. Tempting a 9ja girl with an Apple will only work if its the phone not the fruit.

9. In the olden days, as long as a man had a bicycle, he could get any woman of his dreams but now the standard is a Range Rover. Damn it.

10. When I was young and a girl said she was wet, I got her a towel to dry up but now if a girl says she’s wet now, a towel is the last thing on my mind.

11. A girl that says her boyfriend is the most faithful man in the World is gullible enough to believe that Santa Clause truly exists.

12. Only if we lived in the dog’s world where dogs didn’t need to buy his bitch phone, credit or take her out on dates. It wants sex, it goes for it.

13. In my great grand father’s days, N500 was enough to buy a car and leave change but now N500 can’t even buy a good condom.

14. They don’t see their periods, get pregnant or have to give birth. No wonder guys have the illusion that they are stronger than women.

15. When I was growing up, my parents told me I could be anything I wanted to be like doctors or engineers but now, I tell my kids they could be anything they wanted to be like footballers and successful musicians.

16. What stood straight must come down. Ladies beware.

17. Before love was blind but now love sees iphones, cinema dates and trips overseas.

18. When I see a pregnant woman, I almost immediately start imagining her sex life.

19. Any guy that has never imagined two girls making out is either gay or very gay.

20. Before girls spent more time in the kitchen cooking but now they spend most of their time on their beds pinging.

21. No matter how ugly a girl is, there is a guy out there willing to sleep with her.

22. Before girls cover their hair in church as a result of religious beliefs but now they cover their hair only when its not done.

23. Its easier to see a girl naked than to see her natural hair.

24. Only if ladies realized that men don’t know the difference between brazilian, peruvian and indian hairs, then they would stop killing themselves.

25. Its easier to see a virgin than to see a girl that hasn’t tweaked/shaved/carved her eyebrows.

26. A girl that is offended that every guy she meets wants to sleep with her now should wait till she’s 70 when law of gravity has taken its toll on her body.

27. A National Award is yet to be given to the lady that poisoned Abacha saving a whole nation from a tyrant’s pawns.

28. Girls are surprised by men’s obsession with sex and men are flabagasted by girl’s obsession with love.

29. If the average man invested all the money he has spent on women, he would have enough money to build a house in Lekki.

30. When you see a cat at night in the UK, you here things like “hey kitty kitty, are u lost?” But seeing a cat at night in 9ja and you hear “holy ghost fire, my enemies are at it again”.

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