You Know You Are African If…….

signs-love-africa

1. You know you are African when the party starts by 4 pm and you arrive by 7 pm.

2. You know you are African if you had a maid or a driver growing up.

3. You know you are African if your relatives all have leather couches and gigantic framed paintings of themselves or Jesus hanging in the living room.

4. You know you are African if you have a dish like DSTV at home.

5. You know you are African if your parents woke you up with a cane.

6. You know you are African if your parents threaten to give you a dirty slap if you don’t behave.

7. You know you are African if your the youngest so you get the smallest meat in the pot.

8. You know you are African if you ask your parents for a ride to school and they tell you how they used to walked 5 miles barefooted to and from school, so you can walk.

9. You know you are African if half the things you’ve packed to travel are not yours.

10. You know you are African if everyone older than you is ‘auntie’ or ‘uncle’.

11. You know you are African when you were a young girl your parents expected you to know how to cook or else no man will marry you.

12. You know you are African if as a girl your butt is not big enough and you get very disappointed.

13. You know you are African if you get in serious trouble if you forget to greet your parents first thing in the morning “AHH, HAVE YOU SEEN ME THIS MORNING?”

14. You know you are African if a kissing scene comes on TV and your parents are like “EHHHEHHH, SO THIS IS THE TYPE OF TING YOU WATCH EH?”

15. You know you are African if your parents get angry at you when you cook for yourself and not the whole family.

16. You know you are African if your parents yell “YEEAHHHH” while on the phone, either something really good or something really bad happened.

17. You know you are African if you were reminded that your mates carrying first in class don’t have two heads.

18. You know you are African if answering your parents with “WHAT?” is like cursing.

19. You know you are African if your dad says something like “COME HERE MY FRIEND”.

20. You know you are African if your brother insults you with “God punish your father”

21. You know you are African if every adult African you meet claims to have been top of their class.

22. You know you are African if every rich man claims to have hawked bread and oranges before making it big.

23. You know you are African if the house maid goes to the public school while the children attend the private schools.

24. You know you are African if going to the University is not optional.

25. You know you are African if your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and they don’t talk for 10 years.

26. You know you are African if you go to the village only during Christmas or Easter periods.

27. You know you are African if you make cheaper or free calls at night.

28. You know you are African if your whole nuclear and extended family attended your graduation ceremony.

29. You know you are African if telling your father you are pregnant outside wedlock feels like a death sentence.

30. You know you are African if if you have 3 phones with 3 different SIM cards.

31. You know you are African if if you are told you have to “inherit” your elder brother or sister’s clothes.

32. You know you are African when your parents never admit having sex outside marriage.

33. You know you are African when your parents hire a lesson teacher for each subject you are not good at.

34. You know you are African if your parents constantly find it difficult to realize that you are grown

35. You know you are African if it’s perfectly okay to show up to one’s house without notice and expect to be fed.

36. You know you are African if every black cat is possessed.

37. You know you are African if every barking dog will bite you.

38. You know you are African if you were told as a young girl that you will get pregnant if a boy touches you.

39. You know you are African if your mum puts you on the phone with everyone she speaks to even if you don’t know them.

40, You know you are African if you have a plastic bucket in the bathroom.

41. You know you are African if blackouts are nothing new to you.

42. You know you are African if your mother had a shop in front of the house where she sold provisions.

43. You know you are African if your parents call you from the other side of the house to take their plates to the kitchen.

44. You know you are African if guys toast you like “hi, my name is Kennedy, I like you, can I have your number?”

45. You know you are African if the food store is locked by your parents.

46. You know you are African if your father got more than two pieces of meat or the laps of the chicken while you and your siblings eat mostly chicken skin.

47. You know you are African if you have to show or give your parents the money that your uncle or auntie gave you.

48. You know you are African if your parents told you to “eat and remain for your brother”.

49. You know you are African if you were forced to attend the same church your parents attended or labelled a rebel if you don’t.

50. You know you are African if your parents call you by your full names only when you are in trouble with them.

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