Condoms: Pregnancy, STD and Rest of Mind

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Condom simply put is a thin rubber sheath worn on a man’s penis during sexual intercourse as a contraceptive or a protection against infection. It is rolled onto an erect penis before intercourse and physically blocks ejaculated semen from entering the body of the female and also prevents STDs from entering from one partner to another. A female condom called femidom is also available but not as readily available as the male condom.
It is worn internally by the female partner and provides a physical barrier to prevent exposure to ejaculated semen or other body fluids.

Condoms in general are part of the ABC culture of sex which involves:
A: Abstinence
B: Being faithful
C: Condom usage.

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Most teenagers know about condoms, how they work and would have probably used them but what are the benefits of condom usage?

1. To prevent sexually transmitted diseases like HIV, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Trichomoniasis, Herpes, Syphillis, Chancriod and many others.

2. To avoid other infections like toilet infection (vaginitis). This is a type of infection caused by a change or imbalance in the types of the bacteria normally found in the vagina and causes an overgrowth of organisms such as gardnerella vaginalis or yeast infection (candidiasis). Symptoms might include: itching, whitish grey vaginal discharge, painful intercourse, rash etc. It is usually caused by vaginal douching, next sexual partner or multiple sexual partners. It is not caused by use of a toilet or swimming pools.

3. To give you rest of mind. When a man ejaculates into a woman during sex, both parties don’t usually have rest of mind until she sees her period. When the devil now wants to punish them, the period could come days late making her lose sleep over what would have been prevented in the first place.

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4. Avoids birth control problems. Contraceptives only help in avoiding pregnancy but leave you exposed to STDs. Due to the fact that they are hormonal contraceptives, they have a way of shaking up your monthly cycle. Some women have experienced shorter or longer periods while others have had a period in 40 days instead of the usual 28 days. Avoid stories that touch, use a condom.

4. To avoid pregnancy. The most obvious reason for condom usage is to avoid pregnancy. Simple.

5. To last longer in bed. This is the most underrated use of condoms. I remember when a married friend told me of the inability of her husband to last longer than 2 minutes in bed. The simplest advice I gave her was to introduce flavored condoms into their sex life. The result was that he lasted far longer in bed. The reason is not far fetched, the condom helps avoid direct contact between the penis and the surroundings of the vagina which helps the man last longer because it isn’t as sexually satisfactory as skin to skin.

There you have it, some reasons to use a condom.
But remember:
1. Get a condom that fits (don’t use a big condom for a small penis or a small condom for a big penis).
2. Never use two condoms at the same time. It’s safer to use one that two because friction between both condoms could cause them to break.
3. Always check the condom during sex and adjust. Before ejaculation, check to see if the condom is still rightly placed before letting it all out.
4. Don’t be in a hurry. Make sure you wear it right.
5. It’s no secret that skin to skin is sweeter but its too risky. Leave skin to skin to the married folks, if single, use a condom.
6. Love is no excuse to not use a condom. You might be committed and faithful but your partner might not be. Use a condom even when in love.

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7. Remember, “AIDS no dey show for face”. She’s pretty and looks clean doesn’t mean she’s clean internally. He’s handsome and looks polished doesn’t mean he’s not using his charm to sleep with the whole street. Ladies remember to ask “where is your condom?” before opening up.
8. Never reuse a condom. As soon as it slips out of the penis, discard and use a new one.
9. Don’t throw used condoms into the bin or keep them lieing around. Tie the open end to avoid semen sipping out and flush down the toilet.
10. Finally, abstinence is and will forever be the best. If unmarried, abstain, you won’t die.

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References:

  1. Condoms
  2. Female condoms
  3. Toilet (Vaginal) Infections in Women

#GuyCode

Simple Reason Why Men Cheat More Than Women

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Cheating is always worse when a woman does it because women have more experience turning down sex. The second she walks out of her house, 98% of men that looks at her or meet her have the intention (wouldnt mind, if given the opportunity) of sleeping with her. A woman regularly turns down men’s advances either by not returning their sexual advances or not giving her phone number out or returning men’s glances. She’s regularly saying NO all the time to men (conciously or unconsciously).

Men on the other hand hardly if ever get asked by a girl to sleep with them (only the desperately desperate girls go that far or the celebritries that have the privilege of getting sex offers from girls). An average guy like me has never ever been told by a girl “hey, I like you, you are tall and fine, do you want to just have sex?” NEVER. The truth is that if a girl did ask me, my brain would probably explode because I don’t know how to deal with such a question.

A guy has to work his ass off to go on a date with a girl talkless of sleeping with her. He has to be fun to be with, caring, romantic, funny, sweet, fine, tall, he must have the right words to say, the money to spend (by calling her often or sending her airtime or taking her out or even getting her birthday gifts). For a guy to get laid, he needs the above to be on point and more to even stand a chance but a girl on the other hand doesn’t even need to be fine. She just needs to be a girl. A girl can pick up her phone and decide to sleep with 20 men every week on her contacts and its very possible. Just because she’s a girl.

The point here is this, when people accuse men of cheating, they don’t understand the dynamics of cheating. When a woman cheats, a lot has to be in place. Certain conditions have to be met. These include; love, her rep, feelings, affection, her monthly cycle, financial security, physical attributes etc. A women has to think about it, weigh the pros and cons, seperate the wheat [eligible gentlemen] from the chaff [ineligible men] and then narrow down the eligible gentlemen into a smaller section then chooses the most eligible to cheat with. Its a cumbersome task that usually takes a long time to complete.  On the other hand, a man doesn’t think about anything, no emotions attached, no love, no nothing. He could meet a girl today and the deed is done. As long as the opportunity presents itself, an average man is good to go.

Have you ever wondered why its easier for a woman to forgive her man for cheating than it is for a man to forgive her women for cheating?
Simply put, it is worse when a woman cheats because when a woman cheats its premeditated cheating but when a man cheats, its just cheating

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#GuyCode

Understanding Virginity and The 5 Types of Virgins

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The word virginity is one of the most misplaced/misquoted/misused/misguided words used to define sexuality known to man. Virginity within the context of this write-up is used to define the sexuality of a female mainly because; no one really cares if a male is a virgin and there is no concrete biological evidence used to ascertain the virginity of a male.

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Talking about virginity as it affects a female, isn’t as simple as ABC. Virginity used to be identified with the presence of a hymen but it isn’t that simple anymore. The hymen is a membrane that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening which gets torn as soon as a female is penetrated is no longer a viable form of identifying a virgin anymore. Read Understanding Her Private Part for more information about the hymen and other parts of the vagina.

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According to social belief, a virgin is one that has never had sex with a man before. From a religious perspective, a virgin is one that has decided to forego her sexually active past and chosen to remain chaste til marriage. From the biological inclination, a virgin is one that has her hymen intact.
Lastly from a cultural perspective, a virgin is a naive, inexperienced, sexually inactive lady that has never had sex.

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Now we have looked at the different classes of virgins, lets look at the different types of virgins.

1. The Virgin’s Virgin aka The Virgin: This is the girl who is informed of sexual matters but has chosen to remain untouched literally. She’s the kind of virgin that has probably kissed or even allowed a guy get to second base (her breasts) but that’s the most any guy has gone. Her veejay has never been seen or touched. This is the virgin’s virgins. They are made up mostly of religious fanatics, feminists and what we call in Africa “holy holy girls”.

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2. The Technical Virgin: This is the most famous type of virgin. You know the virgin that has never really had penetrative sex but has done every other sexual act known to man? This is her. She’s the kind of virgin that isn’t even sure of her virginity. I remember reading the humorous story of a pregnant technical virgin. According to her, she never had penetrated sex but found herself pregnant and was shocked. Could a technical virgin get pregnant? Of course. A technical virgin might not have been penetrated but as long as she engages in the sexual act I call “kiss and tell” whereby the tip of the penis robs sexually against the clitoris and the entrance of the vagina. If her partner ejaculates at the entrance of her veejay, semen could accidentally sip into the vagina coupled with the enabling environment around a sexuality stimulated swim into her and fertilize an egg. A technical virgin has never had penetrative sex mainly because of fear not resolve. The fear of sexual pain, the fear of pregnancy, the fear of STDs. Some technical virgins are more sexually experienced (except penetration) than many sexually active girls.

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3. The Disvirgined Virgin: This is the girl that has been disvirgined but not penetration by a man. This could be as a result of the insertion of fingers, candle, the end of a toothbrush/hair comb/pencil and many other obscene objects into the vagina for stimulation (trust me, it happens). These objects could be inserted by the girl during masturbation, by a guy during foreplay or by another girl (lesbianism). The introduction of these objects tears the hymen and renders her biologically disvirgined even though she hasn’t had proper sex before.

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4. The Accidental Virgin: The accidental virgin and the disvirgined virgin are both similar but the difference lies in the intent. Whereas the disvirgined virgin had her hymen torn consciously/intentionally, the accidental virgin’s hymen may be lacerated by disease, injury, medical examination or physical exercise.

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5. The Justifiable Virgin: Last but definitely not the least is the justifiable virgin. Simply put, these are the girls unfortunate enough to lose their virginity in the cruelest way; rape, incest or even pedophilia. Spare a though for the 19 year old girl who has chosen to remain a virgin till marriage but gets raped by the robbers who visited her house. Also the 13 year old girl that was repeatedly raped by her own father while growing up or even the 5 year old baby who was sexually assaulted by a pedophile. Their hymens might be broken, they may have been penetrated but due to the non consensual nature of the act (it was not their choice), they are also considered virgins, I believe they have a right to.

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So there you have it, virginity has been simplified and broken down into the simplest form possible. This goes a long way to show you that the state of the hymen is not a conclusive indicator of virginity. Next time someone claims to be a virgin, send them this article and ask “what sort of virgin are you?”

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I implore you to spend just 10 more minutes of your time going through other beautiful articles on this site and if you have question, don’t hesitate to add me up on BBM via 59160114. One last thing, please comment and share. Thanks

Keeping Your Relationship Private

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With the advent of social media, there is not much room for privacy anymore. People post such private information from their last meal to pictures of who they are currently dating.

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It’s cute to flaunt your boyfriend on social media, its quite cute I must say but such private information is bound to come back and bite you in the ass.

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Should you keep your relationship a secret? Hell no. The key word is privacy not secrecy. Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy.

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A friend’s story springs to mind. She was fond of posting pictures of her boyfriend on BBM. His pictures and theirs littered her display picture with heartwarming messages on her pm. It was cute I must say but I thought it was too much info/publicity and I told her about my reservations. She took it in good faith and reduced the frequency of her posts. Less than 2 months after my advice, they broke up.  She already made her love life public so came the “what of your boyfriend?”, “we haven’t seen him on your dp for a while now”, “how are your both?” and “are you still dating him?” questions. How awkward talking about an ex. She’s currently dating someone else but I had to ask her to even know she was seeing someone. She obviously learnt from her mistakes.

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Stop taking your private matters to public platforms. Don’t complain about people being all in your relationship, when you’re personally sending out the invitations. The truth is that social networks don’t break up relationship. The shit you post on social networks breaks up relationship.

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Don’t involve the public, involve friends and family very cautiously giving out as little information as possible. When you put boundaries around your relationship, people learn to respect your privacy. You don’t need everyone’s opinion, so don’t open the door for folks to share their opinions.

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Be in love but also be wise.

5 Things To Do Before Dating a Friend’s EX

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I was on social media enlightening myself with the news making the rounds when I stumbled across the picture of a beautiful lady on my ex’s profile. As unserious as I could be, I jokingly asked her to connect me with her beautiful friend and she said categorically and I quote “sorry I can’t give you her pin, if you need a girl, my friends are out of it”. I wasn’t serious obviously but her reaction took me aback.

I was still laughing away at her harsh and very blunt response when a friend pinged to ask the “is it okay to date your friend’s ex?” question. The same question I have gotten on previous occasions and it dawned on me that I didn’t have any article to address the issue. So here goes.

Dating a friend’s ex or an ex’s friend as the case may be isn’t as smooth sailing as it ought to be. You would think if someone is an ex, that means their love life is over but incidents of ex’s still in love with each other or fooling around sexually isn’t news anymore. But when is it okay to date an ex’s friend?

1. They have moved on: Imagine a girl who gets heartbroken by her boyfriend and he moves on. She’s doesn’t move on because she still has feelings for him. She happens to somehow “like” his friend because he is nice and was there for her. She dates him for being “nice” but hasn’t moved on from her ex. Then one day, her ex wakes up from his love coma and wants her back but he is very good friends with her current boyfriend. She still loves her ex. How would this end without someone’s head broken or someone’s heart shattered. Before dating a friend’s ex or an ex’s friend, make sure you are done for good or he/she is done for good. No emotional backlog.

2. How long also matters: Angela and Dave dated for 8 years and were poised to end up at the altar when Angela unintentionally got pregnant for someone else. She aborted but the damage had being done. Dave intended forgiving her but his parents were having none of it. They broke up. She’s still in love with him and vice versa. Then Angela’s new best friend (they weren’t even friends when the relationship between her and Dave lasted) falls for Dave. Can she maintain a relationship with both Dave and Angela without someone getting hurt?

3. Dont rub it in: Its one thing dating a friend’s ex, its another thing rubbing it in. She’s your friend but she’s your current boyfriend’s ex and every time you see her you gosh about how wonderful he is, how nice and caring he is, how masterful he is in bed, how sweet and romantic he is. Even if she’s over him, rubbing it in is bound to open closed wounds which is a recipe for disaster.

4. No secret: John is aware that his guy Tega dated Jennifer way back. In fact he wanted her back then but she fell for Tega instead. After the break up, he decides to make a move on his friend’s ex without informing his guy. Tega comes to his house to visit him impromptu and finds his ex half naked in his guy’s house. Nothing wrong with that since they legimately broke up (Tega and Jennifer) but the secrecy behind the relationship is bound to raise some suspicions in Tega’s mind like “was she cheating on me with him before we broke up?” or “did she end it with me to be with him?”. Avoiding such questions is key.

5. Are they okay with it?: There is nothing more stressful than dating a friend’s ex who is not okay with your relationship. Not only will it dampen your friendship, it will cause a strain in your relationship. Not that a friend’s consent is compulsory before dating his/her ex. Far from it. But to avoid awkward situations, you are better off telling your friend before embarking on the relationship. If she/he fails to give his/her consent then its time to decide which to let go for another to thrive. The friendship or the relationship. Choose wisely.

What Fried Fish Taught Me About Love

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I was barely 12 years old when the incident that altered my taste for sea animals happened. Living in the hostel while in Secondary school meant that I had to eat hostel food whether I liked the meal or not, just to survive. On a fateful evening, I had just finished my meal and was diserting the fish when a bone from the fish got stuck in my throat. It took a whole lot of water, sympathizers and chest beating to finally get the bone down my esophagus. With a whole lot of tears I must add.

Fast forward almost 20 years after that incident and I unconsciously have a phobia for anything fish. If the fish has bone, count me out. I eat fish hitherto like a detective, I will remove all the bones slowly so as not to miss any before eating it. As a matter of fact, the only fish I could eat satisfactory with peace of mind was canned sardine. It was that bad.

Then earlier this year, I decided that enough was enough. I couldn’t stand missing out on the deliciousness of fish and I said to myself “stop being paranoid. Let the past go. Fish is delicious, eat and enjoy”. Then I started eating fish with abandoned recklessness. If the bone was going to  to kill me, let it kill me. Man must die one day..lol Amazing how long it took me to get over my fear of fish and I must say “well spiced fish is worth it especially cat fish peppersoup..lol

Love can be likened to eating fish. Lets spare a thought for the girl who falls in love and gets hurt. She decides not to love again because of the hurt she felt earlier. She enters a relationship with the premise that heartbreak is in the horizon and doesn’t enjoy the food love wholeheartedly. She fails to understand that a carefully managed love life is the most disastrous. Because by the time you are ready to release your wings and set sail, your partner might have lost the zeal to wait for you.

The same way love is a risk, life itself is a risk.
There is a chance of you choking while eating does that stop you from eating?
There is a chance that a plane you boarded will crash, does that mean you will never use airplanes to travel?
There is a chance of a business venture failing, does that mean you will die broke?
There is a chance of death during childbirth, does that mean as a husband you won’t get you wife pregnant or as a woman you wouldn’t get pregnant?
Be brave enough to take risks and smart enough to discern the type of risks worth taking.

Remember the saying “it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all” and as Lucille Ball put it “I rather regret the things I have done than the things I haven’t done.

Remember that love is a risk and as Mark Zuckerberg said “the biggest risk in life is not taking any risk”.

I will end with this quote by Bob Marley “to love is to risk, not being loved in return. to hope is to risk pain. to try is to risk failure. but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in my life is to risk nothing.”. Love is risky but at the end it is a risk worth taking.

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Snippets from LOVE IS A RISK