7 Reasons Men Chase After Women

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Growing up, I faced competition in almost every aspect of my life. From fighting for the TV remote control with my siblings which I usually got as the okpala (first born) to the ‘hustle’ for top spots in class with my classmates. It was from one neck cracking experience to another but nothing frustrated me more than the issue I am just about discussing: GIRLS.

I was barely 15 year old when this black quirky boy transferred to my school. Let’s call him Dapo. Dapo wasn’t all that smart (maybe I am just hating) and wasn’t as fine as I was (now I am not hating, I’m sure) but one thing he knew how to do better than most guys in our class was toasting girls.

Can you imagine? I was this cute tall light skinned boy as single as the number 1 and struggling to get a girl to say “I love you” to talkless of getting a kiss and here walked in this annoying dark skinned not-so-fine boy that got all the girl’s attention. Now you feel my pain.

“Why don’t I have a girlfriend?”, I would ask myself in my quiet time. I might not have been vocal enough to spit girl attracting lines but for what I lacked in vocals, I thought I made up graciously in humor, height and handsomeness (all h’s….*wink*).

I was damn wrong.

It took me a few years to be able to voice my feelings to a girl and at last get my lips disvirgined but what life taught me and continues to teach me in sometimes subtle and other times aggressive ways is that girls are meant to be chased. Nature has made it so.

So why do guys chase girls?

1. Adam led the way: After God created man, He saw it was not good for Adam to be alone and He created a woman. When Adam awoke and saw Eve, he didn’t say “well, if she likes me, she should say something”. He didn’t wait for God to speak. He didn’t watch her and decide if he should approach her or not. What did he do?
You guessed it. He toasted her.
He said immediately after seeing her “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”. In 21st century English, Adam meant “baby, you look gorgeous. Without you I can’t function. Without you there is no me”.
So if anyone advises a lady to toast a guy, remind them that Adam serenaded Eve not the other way around.

2. Sperm inspired: So your father released you as a sperm along with millions other sperms. Instead of waiting for the your mother’s released egg to meet the sperms, you guys swam as fast as possible to meet the egg. Now here comes the hard part, the egg plays hard to get. You and your other sperm siblings struggle to fertilize the egg and whoever gets in first renders the rest useless. You won. Even your conception shows that men chase women not the other way around.

3. God said so: One of the most important and remarkable scriptures in the Bible concerning the gender entitled with ‘making the move’ is found in Proverbs 18:22 which says “Whoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord”. It clearly encourages a man to find the woman not the other way around with benefits inclusive.

5. Nature specific: I don’t know about you but watching animals mating in National Geographic Channel taught me a valuable lesson and that’s that even male animals do the chasing. Let’s take a look at just two.
i. Giraffes: Male giraffes stalk female giraffes on heat with the female sometimes continually walking or running away from him. During this time, he will attempt to keep other males away from the female as he pursues her. Key word: “pursues”.
ii. Honey bees: During a bees mating ritual, a virgin queen bee will fly out in search of male bees (drones). The drones swarm around the queen competing with a chance to nail her, until one ballsy drone makes his move in a mid-air sexual encounter with the queen.  Key word: “competing”.
Its clear that the giraffe and bees pursue and compete with each other for their “girls”. If male animals don’t wait for girls to toast them, who are we not to take the initiative?

6. Ego boosting: Men were made by God to be project driven individuals. Men derive pleasure from setting a goal and accomplishing set targets. Therefore when a man sets a target of making a million Dollars, he goes after it with all vigor and rejoices when his goal is met. So also is a man going after a woman, the woman in question becomes his project while he is the project manager. His mission could be to sleep with her or date her or marry her but he won’t let go until his mission is accomplished. A completed mission comes with a refilling of his ego and pride. He walks tall knowing that he got the babe other men couldn’t get.
But peradventure he fails to convince her, he doesn’t whine about it, he moves on to the next project (another woman). Men are that ‘heartless’.

7. Girls won’t and shouldn’t: There are times I walk into a party of people and then exchanges glances with a particular girl amongst them. She smiles and looks at me with the “come over here and talk to me eyes”. I respond with the “why don’t you come over here and make the first move eyes”. If I didn’t make the move, trust me, she won’t bother. Only maybe 3% of girls are bold enough to make the first move. So if you want to get laid, men have no choice to make the move.

Read “How To Toast A Guy Like A Pussy”

How To Toast A Guy Like A Pussy

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“I have waited for him to make the move but he hasn’t. When is it okay for a girl to chase a guy?” she asked. I really thought she was asking a rhetorical question but there was nothing rhetorical about the look on her face. She looked frustrated and in love at the same time.

I have seen many ladies in this very uncomfortable position before. For a guy, he likes a girl and goes after her but for a lady, society has made it no so straightforward. She likes a guy but has to buy her time and wait for him to make the move. If he doesn’t, she dies in silence or risk making the move and selling herself short.

So is it ever okay for a girl to do the chasing?

As my hilariously blessed Pastor would say “No” with this a very funny example.
In his words (paraphrased emphatically), “men are like hunters who go about hunting for the attention and affection of women. A guy sees a lady he likes, he plans, strategizes, sharpens his weapon (humor, money, style etc), waits for the right opportunity and makes the move to get her attention. If he succeeds he then proceeds to win her over with affection and if that works too, he proceeds to boast about his new babe to his friends.

A hunter sees an antelope and same with the guy hunting for love plans his strategy, aims his weapon, waits for the right time and baaaaam, he shots the antelope dead. He walks up to the antelope, admires his catch, takes it home, boasts to his fellow hunters and family about his catch and devours the animal.

So what if this hunger goes to the forest to hunt for an antelope, doesn’t find one then gets home and finds an antelope had walked into his kitchen. The antelope put a pot on the fire, jumps inside and sprinkles seasoning, salt, and the necessary ingredients on itself and covers the pot.
If you were in the hunter’s shoes, what would you do? Be grateful to God for a free meal or run away? You guess is as good as mine.

This is exactly what girls do when they chase a guy. You appear as the crazy antelope.

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Why should girls never chase guys?
1. It’s ungirly: It’s a man’s position to toast a girl not the other way around. Remember when Adam saw Eve for the first time, he toasted her by saying “she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”. Eve didn’t say a word. She just listened and smiled. So when next you are pressured to make the move, ask yourself “what would Eve do?”. Read “8 Reasons Men Chase After Women”

2. You loose your advantage: A girl’s advantage over any guy asking is her feelings. The guy has already made his feelings known to her but she’s yet to make hers known to him which keeps him on his toes. If she was to make the move, she hands over the advantage to the guy. A very sad place for any girl to be. Trust me.

3. She looks desperate: As with the hunter analogy, making the move cuts her out as desperate and as with guys, they smell desperation from a mile away. Most will take her for granted, give her what she wants (attention and fake love), get what they want and leave her hanging.

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So how does a girl make the move?
Now this is the part with the meaty stuff. I said a girl shouldn’t chase a guy but I never said a girl shouldn’t make a guy chase her.
Let’s take a look at the pussy cat.
During heat, female cats are open to mating and therefore attract individuals of the opposite sex.
Female cats who are in heat generally make it obvious to others, often to a frustrating degree. Urine spraying often signifies the heat cycle — an action that is intended to communicate breeding status to males. Cats in heat also often act in especially loving and sweet ways, often through touching the people in their lives or by simply staying close to them.

So for a female cat in heat to attract suitors, she doesn’t just fold her hands and wait for male cats to approach her neither does she make the first move.  She simply makes herself available, sprays urine everywhere to give the male cats signals and becomes extra nice to everyone around her.

As with girls. Instead of making the move. Make yourself noticeable to the guy you like. If you both are students, borrow his books or tell him to explain something you don’t understand. If you both are co-workers, always “run into him” at the canteen, ask for a favour, help with something he needs. If you see a guy you like at an outing, walk pass him and smile, maintain eye contact, ask him to take you and your friends a picture with your phone. In everything you do, make himself available and as the pussy, throw urine everywhere. Guys will catch up.
Also remember the female pussy is extra nice when she’s on heat. Be extra nice to him. Not in an intrusive way but very subtle so as not to be seen as desperate.

Really, there is no hard and fast rule to getting a guy’s attention but in all that you do, don’t jump on his laps because you like him. Don’t be the stupid antelope, be the wise pussy.

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UPDATE: A friend asked a follow up question after reading this article, she inquired “when do guys start preferring the lady does the chasing?”.
My answer is “Never. Guys would never prefer a lady does the chasing. It makes her appear desperate. Guys love “green light”. You like him, don’t take the lead, make him that the lead by giving him the necessary “I like you’ signals. Set traps. If a guy lets you chase him, then he doesn’t want her. If he really does, he will man up and do what’s necessary. Kapish?

7 Reasons Guys Dislike Virgins

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Growing up, virginity sucked (no pun intended).
Let me explain.
As a young naive boy, I had tons of female friends but never even had a kiss with anyone. Not that it bothered me back then because I was more into playing football and my studies than I was into girls (weird but true).

Then it all changed when I caught some of my seniors in the hostel back then watching porn and discussing their sex life with girls in school. I was barely in JSS3 but I was intrigued. “This sex thing sounds interesting after all, let me give it try”, my 14 year old self thought cunningly.

To cut the long story short, it took me over 6 years after my first inquest into sex to loose my virginity. Not for lack of trying. I think it was fate that made me keep that ‘idiot’ for so long.
I repeat, growing up, virginity sucked.

After the shackles of virginity were lifted off my shoulders, I noticed that I myself detested virgins (female virgins). I never wanted to date any virgin and just avoided them by all means (dated a few back then but that was after love trapped me..lol).

I thought I was alone in this school of thought until I found out from many virgins that most guys run at the sound of the word “virginity”.

So why do (most) guys hate virgins?

Firstly, before we commense. We (especially girls) need to understand that men are visual in nature not emotional. Men are sexual beings and are sexually driven. The earlier women accept this the easier time they will have understanding men. They are attracted to girls with nice asses not nice personalities (at least at the beginning of a relationship of course we care about personality but I’m talking about initial attraction here).

Now that’s our of the way, let’s discuss the 7 reasons guys detest virgins:

1. The virgin stereotype: This stereotype says that virgins are naive, ignorant about sex, dull, prude, have to be handled carefully, care-less about a man’s sexual needs, too emotional, extra careful, play too hard to get etc.  Dating a virgin to many guys is a burden, someone you would have to encourage to kiss, someone you would have to beg to reach second base. Remember guys are physically aroused. Virgins come across as choosy, love conscious and will rebuff a guy’s sexual advances. Most guys would ask, “why the stress?”

2. The icing on the cake: Most times a guy likes a girl and goes after her ‘aggressively’. During the ‘toasting’ stage, he is all about love and isn’t deterred when the girl tells him of her ‘virgin’ status. He is love struck obviously. He tells her “I want you for who you are not for the sex”. She’s like “awwwww, that’s so sweet of you Kelvin”. They start dating.
Did he mean it? Obviously.
Will he mean it in a few months time?
Hell no.
When his sexual genes begin to take effect, his eyes begin to wonder and his hands begins to feel some soft God made portions of her body, no one will tell Kelvin that although this cake is sweet, icing will make it perfect. He begins to ask her for icing, she reminds him of his earliar “I don’t care if you are virgin” stand. The sexual friction begins to take its toll. Three things would happen; she gives in and losses the virginity to him, she doesn’t give in and he cheats on her to get the icing from somewhere else or they break up. Sad ending right?
Guys think this far and ask themselves, “why the stress?”.

3. Super glue nature: A few years back, a friend of mine. Lets call her Becky (not her real name). She is beautiful with a body to die. She asked me to disvirgin her. No joke. I liked her but being the man that disvigined a girl I hardly felt anything for scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t.
Are my alone in this school of thought? Nope. But why? Simple.

Most virgins are clingy 95% of the time. A girl kept her virginity for so long, the guy that takes it away has to be special to her and when he does, she never forgets him. A lot of girls get clingy and kinda devoted to the guy that takes her virginity.
To prove my point, no girl ever forgets the name of the guy that disvigined her. Ask around.
So why would a guy in this economic recession be entangled with a girl that can’t stay away from him because she lost her virginity to him?
He would ask himself, “why the stress?”

4. Opening the floodgates: Remember Becky from number 3? Yes the girl that begged me to disvirgin her. So she was finally disvigined by another guy and according to her was enjoying sex so much that she had had sex with about 5 guys as of last year. This was a girl that was a virgin for 25 years and in two years had done the nasty with 5 other guys. The floodgates have been opened.
I asked myself, so not only would I be the one she would forever remember as her first, I would now have the guilt of opening the door for other men to enter? No way.
Some guys would ask themselves,
“Why the stress?”.

5. Impatience: Let’s use John and James’ story to understand this point. So John just started seeing Blessing who is not a virgin, after a few days of dating, they both do the nasty. She has done the nasty before and he also has experience. They both bring their external experiences together to make a mind blowing sexual adventure.
James on the other hand is seeing the shy, and reserved Kemi who is a virgin. Sex comes up and she shrugs him off. After sometimes, it comes up again, she agrees to try it but is scared. He has to “talk” her through it. Tell her it’s going to be okay. Makes sure she doesn’t hurt. Makes sure he takes it easy with her. Makes her feel comfortable. Tries it the first time, she cries and stops. Tries it a week after, same result. After a dozen trials, she finally gets comfortable but with her lack of experience, sex for James is boring and uneventful.
John is enjoying his love life and his sex life while James is struggling on both ends of the rope.
They meet and while discussing, John asks James, “why all all stress?”

6. Heartbreak: This part of the article really happened to me. I hope she doesn’t get to read this but I just have to use the story to buttress this point. Growing up, I dated this beautiful girl. She was a virgin and I didn’t mind. I was more or less a virgin too then. After a while, I causally made the “sex move”, she gently rebuffed my advances. I locked up (became unbothered). She then gave me an ultimatum, let’s date for a year and then we do the nasty. I said OKAY.
Getting to a year, we started having friction and I knew deep down I wasn’t going to spend much time with her anymore. She was still a virgin mind you. A few weeks after our first year anniversary, we saw and as expected she came prepared to be disvigined but I ended up breaking up with her. Why? I could have taken her virginity and still broken up with her right?

We weren’t working and I didn’t want to dirvigin her and break up with her too. That would have been heartbreaking for her. So we parted ways. She cried but I felt in my heart that we did the right thing.
Fast forward about four years after our breakup, she wasn’t a virgin any longer, one thing led to another we did the nasty as “just friends”. Difference was I didn’t have to break her heart to get in her pants. We still friends till now.
Good guys ask themselves, if it’s sex I want, why deceive a virgin with love and end up breaking her heart, “why the stress?”.

7. Fling: Lastly and the most glaring reason why most guys detest virgins is because they are interested in a quick fling and not a long term committed relationship. A guy that loves you would see beyond sex but in the same vein, will most girls that love a guy see beyond money?

It begs to ask the question,
“WHY THE STRESS?”

A Sexual Letter From The Virgin

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Dear Kurtis,
I don’t know how to say this so it doesn’t sound awkward but let me try. I am close to 28 years old and have been friends with this particular guy for over 15 years now. Our budding friendship started while as kids in Secondary school and later it blossomed into two teenagers liking themselves but too naive to do anything about it. Then we finished secondary school and still kept in touch. I traveled out of the country to continue my studies while he stayed back. Our love grew even faster although continents apart. I would be coming to Nigeria for Christmas and will ultimately see him. I can hardly wait. But something has left me unease about our upcoming “reunion”.
I am a 28 year old virgin, I don’t even know if that’s a good thing anymore but anytime I have ever thought of loosing my virginity, it’s to him but I’m scared of how the experience at my age would be. I also feel I would be inadequate for him. I mean he has told me about his sexual experiences with lots of girls and don’t think I can measure up to them sexually. Am I just freaking out because of my “virgin brain” or are my fears unfounded?
The Virgin Girl……

Dear The Virgin Girl,
I laughed out loud after you inferred that you had a virgin brain. Who says that? I like your humor tho.
Let me start off this counselling section as my Pastor would love me to (he reads my write-ups and would freak out if I didn’t bring this up at this juncture). So here goes. You have been a virgin for so long. 28 years in this sexually perverse World of ours is a lifetime in our grand parent’s time. Why not just hold on for a few more years until marriage? If this special guy so many years loves you so much then he should pop the question and wait to take your cherry on your wedding night. Makes sense.

But I’m sure that’s not what you asked my advice for so let me keep my church talk to myself. You are old enough to decide what to do with your body. That said.

You have reservations about how your first time would be. It’s normal especially for a 28 year old virgin like you (and yes it’s a good thing and something to be very proud of). You are gonna lose it to someone you hold dear not some random dude so that should count for something. Just be relaxed. Makes sure you both make out extensively so as to get your body ready for the “hardwork” ahead. It’s gonna hurt even more so because of your age but remember no pain, no gain. You are a big girl and you can take it (pun intended).

For your insecurities about his experience and feeling inadequate, there is something you should know. So this is how it works. A guy is never too experienced for a girl. Only a girl can be too experienced for a guy. Reasons being:
i. Guys have ego. Girls don’t (most). A guy’s ego can’t stand being shown the way by a girl while a girl is ready to learn from a guy.
ii. Guys are built to be in charge and in control while girls readily follow his lead.
iii. Guys have a body that isn’t “treasured”, while a girl’s body is like a jewel and should be protected. That’s why a guy can sleep with a hundred girls and be hailed as a player but a girl sleeps with ten boys, she’s loose (sexuality isn’t fair to girls I know).
iv. Guys can sleep with any amount of women and it won’t show. Girls on the other hand, the more sex she has, the more her vaginal walls slacks (even a girl’s body betrays her sexually).
v Lastly. Every girl wants a man that knows the way. Not some novice that doesn’t know his left from his right.

You just need to relax, follow his lead and y’all are gonna have a great time together. Have fun.

A Jealous Letter From the Concerned Girl

Young African woman suffering from a terrible headache.

Dear Kurtis,
I have been dating the most caring guy I have ever met for about three months now. He loves me and the feeling is very mutual. He takes good care of me and is always there for me when I need him. But he is a super jealous lover. He checks my WhatsApp messages anytime we see. He goes through my pictures and text messages. He forbids me from keeping male friends and if a guy calls me when he is around, I will be made to explain who the guy is and how we met. All my male friends in school now avoid me because he warned them to stay away from me. He comes visiting me at odd times to make sure I am in the hostel. He scrutinizes my every movement and frowns whenever he sees me talking to a guy. He has never hit me though. He is caring and I love him dearly but I feel like a prisoner in my own relationship.
What do I do Sir?
Concerned Girl…..

Hi Concerned Girl,
While reading your mail, I couldn’t help but notice the extremities of your boyfriend. On one side he is the most caring guy you have ever dated and on the other end he is the most jealous lover you also ever dated. Sad reality.

The truth is this, your boyfriend is possessive and possessive guys are mostly always very caring. They have this ideology that they can give you everything you need so why look outside. Possessive guys are super jealous and are mostly insecure and have trust issues. His possessiveness is always cocooned in love which means his love for you and his fear of loosing you (insecurity) are at odds with eachother. Possessive guys have bone deep underlining issues. It could be as a result of getting hurt in the past. It could be as a result of watching his friends get hurt by their girlfriends. It could be as a result of his past player days when he used girls left, right and center but now he has one, he can’t trust girls anymore.

All in all, your man is a good person with bad habits. A good man that channels the love he has for his girlfriend through possessive and overwhelming mediums.

So what do you do?
Pray for him.
Tell him how bad you feel that he doesn’t trust you and show him you are trustworthy.
Tell him subtly how trapped and imprisoned he makes you feel with his actions. He needs to understand that his actions are detrimental to the relationship.

If after a while, it gets worst or doesn’t improve. Call it quits. Sometimes that’s the only way to show you won’t compromise your happiness for his insecurity.

Remember, possessive guys are a bad precept for a happy and fulfilling marriage. They will turn your friends away especially males. They have a knack for turning their women to housewives.

Don’t compromise your standards in the name of love. You can be in love and not be happy. It’s better to be both. All the best dear.

Send a mail to Kurtis Smith via kingkurtissmith@gmail.com to unburden yourself and seek advice.

“Should Christian Men Hit it from The Back?” Well, Since You Asked….

Mind of Malaka

This evening I received a very odd, and rather unexpected text from a woman in my church. It was unexpected because I rarely have contact with said woman, and secondly, because of the nature of said text. We do not know each other like that. Like what, you ask. See here:

Maleaka, I have a question about your blog. I am here with [two other high ranking women in the church mentioned by name]. We heard you wrote a blog called “Should Christian Men Hit it From the Back?” Is that true? We’re looking for it…

Ewurade. This my blog. This my church! I never thought the day would come when there would be a coupling between the two. Even though the topic sounds like one I might I have written, I ensured my enquirer -let’s call her Romona- that I am/was not the responsible party. Romona apologized and ceased…

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Don’t Let Your Clinton Trump Your Future.

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The race to become the 45th President of the United States has entered its final stages with business mogul and Republican Party candidate Donald Trump in a bitter winner takes all battle for supremacy with Democratic Party’s Hillary Clinton.

Both candidates are neck and neck in most polls and the election could become the most tightly contested election in the country since the Bush v Gore spectacle of year 2000.

As close as these elections are, it’s surprising to note that the major talking points in the race aren’t the candidate’s policies on health care or foreign policy or even the economy.

The hair raising, mouth wagging, opinion dividing and even votes shifting points of these elections aren’t what the candidates have pledged to do for their country if elected but what they did in their pasts.

For Hillary Clinton, the use of her family’s private email server for official communications, rather than official State Department email accounts maintained on federal servers during her tenure as the Secrtary of State have marred her campaign

And as for the enigmatic Donald Trump, accusations of sexual harassment by about a dozen women which came to a threshold after a tape leaked of him admitting to sexually harassing women because “when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything…grab them by the pussy.” (His own words).

Both very unlikable candidates have been dodged not by their future plans but by their pasts. Pasts that could and would cost either of them their place in history.

As both Clinton and Trump have learnt the hard way, pasts stay in the past until your future comes knocking.

Instead of making the wrong choice now out of desperation or as we all like to say “to make ends meet”.
Instead of making decisions based on fleshly desires.
Instead of taking the wrong path because you thought you have no one to report to.
Think of the future.
Try envisioning the repercussions of the decision you are just about making to your future.

So many political ambitions have been derailed by lucid sexual revelations.
So many careers and lives have been derailed by the release of sex tapes.
So many marriages have crashed as a result of past undisclosed sexual juggernauts.

Before you post that selfie of you smoking or taking drugs/weed, think about the future.
Before you allow yourself to be videod or snapped during sex, think about the future.
Before you get enticed to sleep with men your father’s age for money, think about the future.
Before you engage in criminal activities to make fast money, think about the future.

In Donald Trump’s own words “if I had known that I would one day run for President, I might have behaved differently in the past”.

You might not see yourself in the political sphere or one day running for a big office but no one knows what the future holds.
Don’t spoil your records just because of impatience.
Don’t tarnish the image your future self would need to build a legacy.

Take life easy. Why the hurry?

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