How To Lie To Women Using Euphemisms

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Some years back, I was supposed to meet my then girlfriend for a date. I didn’t have a car so we decided to meet at the restaurant. I arrived some minutes before her and sat close to the window overlooking the entrance of the restaurant. A few minutes later, my beautiful girlfriend came through the gates and was approaching the restaurant. What I saw threw me back a few meters. I don’t know if my girlfriend applied make-up or poured the make-up on her face but the truth was that she was looking horrendous.
Then I thought to myself, I have two options. Tell her the truth which will definitely dampen her mood and spoil the evening or sugarcoat her appearance and allow her enjoy the evening, after all it’s the effort that matters. Up stepped euphemism.

In my little time as a bachelor, nothing has held me in better stead with girls than euphemisms. According to Google, euphemism can be defined as a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be to harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

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Do women want to hear the truth?
Not really. Yes they want to hear the truth but it has to be said in a very caring and subtle way.

Do women want to hear that they are getting fat? No!! Use an euphemism instead.
Your woman asks you “babe, am I getting fat?” Please don’t answer with a yes, instead reply with “sweerie you are gaining weight in the right places”.

Do women want to hear that the hair they spent hours and money making isn’t fine? No!! Use an euphemism instead.
Your woman asks you “babe, do you like my new hair?” Please don’t say you don’t like it, it will crush her. Instead say “baby, you look beautiful”. You described her beauty, not the appalling hair. Then when next she makes a hair you like, never stop talking about it. She will get the message.

The truth about women is that they constantly crave, desire and deserve the acknowledgement of their men. Learn to use euphemisms when describing her or you would be the truthful asshole.

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So as for my girlfriend from the beginning of this piece. She stepped in and I gave her the hug of her life, kissed her and told her how beautiful she looked. She didn’t get to ask me how she looked, I didn’t have to tell her the truth and I didn’t get to hurt her feelings. We had a beautiful evening together. A few days later, after going through the pictures of our outing, she realized her make-up was awful and she stepped up her makeup game. Euphemisms works like magic  with ladies. Try it more often.

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NOTE: Euphemisms can be used with everyone in general. Men, women, boys and girls. For the purpose of this article, ladies are highlighted.

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Examples of euphemisms include:
1. Job searching is used instead of jobless.
2. In a better place is used instead of died.
3. Bad girl is used instead of slut
4. Added a few extra pounds is used in place of fat.
5. Under the weather is used in place of sick.
6. Motivationally deficient is used in place of lazy.
7. Special child instead of disabled or retarded.
8. Mentally challenged instead of stupid.
9. Instead of saying someone is an idiot, just say ‘you have an interesting point of view’.
10. Instead of saying you want to urinate, say ‘I want to use the restroom’.
11. On the streets instead of homeless.
12. Adult entertainment instead of porn.
13. Adult beverages instead of beer or liquor.
14. Sleep together instead of have sex
15. Comfort woman or lady of the night instead of prostitute.
16. Domestic help instead of maid.
17. Sanitation man instead of garbage cleaner.
18. Fashion designer instead of tailor.
19. Car expert instead of mechanic.
20. Well endowed instead of having a big penis or big breasts.
21. Not so true is used in place of lie.
22. Not so tall instead of short.
23. Not exactly a supermodel for ugly.
24. Instead of boring, use interesting sense of humor.
25. Saucy is used instead of rude.
26. Instead of poor, economically disadvantaged is used.
27. Instead of broke, temporary negative cash flow.
28. Instead of fart, use anal salute.
29. Carnal knowledge is used in place of sexual intercourse.
30. Expecting is used in place of pregnant.

 

Reference:
1. https://lynnschneiderbooks.com/2011/12/23/20-examples-of-great-euphemisms/
2. http://euphemist.com/lifestyle/euphemistic-meaning/
3. http://www.slideshare.net/jeiAnnmorano/euphemism-37839303

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