Dogs, Suya, Love and Heartbreak

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It’s with a bitter heart, angry spirit and a hungry stomach that I pen this article. There is nothing more painful and discomforting than what I am about to relay on this piece. It speaks of betrayal, carelessness, hurt and distrust. After spending so much of my time, energy and effort into this relationship. So much love and care. So much time and money and I get such treatment? I think it’s safe to say that I have been mistreated by a dog.

A cruel thing to say right?

Hear me out first.

Here is a genesis of my debacle.

I had had just endured a very long day at the office. Hunger and tiredness were as close to as my shadow. With a hurting back, shaking legs and a mentally drained spirit, I had stopped at a suya kiosk to get dinner (bachelor style). I waited patiently as the aboki cut the full chicken into bits (just how I like it). The thought of running my hands across those oily laps of chicken, picking them apart and then crushing those soft sumptuous bones kept me sane.

“Aboki, abeg put plenty onions and pepper”, I said gleefully as I fetched the moulds of cash in my wallet to pay him. It was as the chicken suya exchanged hands that I felt a sudden surge of energy and vitality. The back pain, biting stomach and sprained neck all of a sudden disappeared as I held the nylon of suya in my hands. So much promise was in that one nylon of suya. I held it close as I walked back home with the hot smell of the suya deeply entrenched in my system as I sang hymns on the walk home.

I got to my crib (a rented one bedroom flat), I erroneously/stupidly/carelessly put the suya in the burglary proof as I proceeded to open it and then the door of my house. While opening the door, a call came through (from my beautiful mum) and in that instance, I forgot I hadn’t taken the suya from the floor I kept them while opening the entrance to the crib. I entered the house, engaged my mum in a lengthy conversation. After the phone call, I got changed, showered, put on the generator, put on the goddamn TV, tuned the channel to the Big Brother Naija highlight program on Mnet and it was only then that I remembered that I was hungry and sought for my suya.

Here is the sad and heartbreaking part.

I looked for the suya everywhere, in the parlor, in the kitchen, in the bedroom and even in the bathroom all to no avail. Then it dawned on me that I had forgotten the hot steamy nylon of chicken suya on the floor of the entrance to the house.

With a heavy heart, I opened the door but my nylon of chicken suya was nowhere to be found. I let out a loud scream only drowned by the generator noise because my neighbours would have thought something was wrong with their very quiet and reserved co-tenant.

I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me that Lucky (my dog) had broken my heart. The same dog I cherish. The same dog I care for and even dash the remnants of my food. The same dog I used to feed milk when it was just a baby. I felt betrayed, angry and possessed. It was with that hurt that I embarked on a mission to find Lucky and deal with it mercilessly. What nonsense!!!!!

It was in this revenge mission that a few questions creeped in my head which stopped me dead in my tracks.

Whose fault is it that Lucky eat my much loved and cherished suya?

Lucky’s fault for being a dog? As a matter of fact, which dog doesn’t like eating meat?

Or my fault for being careless enough to keep my suya within Lucky’s smell zone?

It was totally my fault.

It was with this shame of realization that I dropped the stick I had fetched for Lucky, got to my crib, cooked indomie, eat with a heavy heart and slept.

When was the last you saw ladies blame themselves for a heartbreak? They seldomly do. It’s always the guys fault. He is a bastard. He is a player. He is a cheat. He is a child in a grown man’s body. In fact, he is a dog.

Sounds familiar?

It’s high time you take full responsibility for the outcome of your relationships. The blame game won’t take you farther than the next relationship. Then the next relationship. And then the next relationship.

A guy shows you his true colors, believe him the first time. Don’t let the euphoria of love blind you to a guy’s shortsightedness.

The same way I felt betrayed by Lucky for eating my suya is the same way girls feel betrayed by their boo for cheating on them or breaking their heart but fail to realize that ample signs were available to them but love/infatuation/lust (whatever you choose to call it) clouded their judgement.

He is close to his ex-girlfriends.

He doesn’t pick calls when with you.

He is never available when you try to reach him.

He always claims busy for not calling for a while.

He always guards his phone and passwords it religiously.

He has unexplained female company.

He travels alot without your knowledge.

He is always on the phone when with you.

These among others are tale signs but when emotions are involved, ladies ignore them and later scream heartbreak when the deed is done.

Lucky eat my suya because I let it. Simple.

You got heartbroken because you let it happen. Simple.

Take responsibility and stop letting ‘lucky’ guys eat your ‘suya’ for free.

Be in love but more importantly be a smart girl in love.

 

 

How To Become A Virgin Again

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The decision to be celibate until marriage was always taught to me. Embedded in me since I was a young girl. “Wait until marriage” was my sex talk. So I did.

I never got the attention from boys that other girls got, so it was easy to resist temptation. You can resist what you don’t have sometimes.

But honestly, I’ve been sexual since I was little. Sexual images danced through my brain from watching movies and videos that I had no business watching when adults were watching. Masturbation and I have been friends for a while.

So when I got to college, and a guy finally showed me romantic attention, I jumped. I was finally going to get what I’ve always seen others have. People have sex before they even become exclusive. I thought it was a rite of passage.

But all I did was cheapen me. And make me feel wrong. I was no longer pure. But then again have I ever been? He never entered me; but what we did was enough. I’m a virgin on technicality…but who am I in God’s eyes?

Then a couple of years later, I met my ex boyfriend. Same thing, different guy. Not all the way, but enough. It’s sad really. When society makes it seem like having sex before marriage is the best thing ever when all it’s ever done is cause men to not value me.

So now, I’m done. God, you win. I’m giving you the little bit of purity I have left. Take it. Protect it. Protect me.

I’m still a virgin. I’ve been celibate for almost 4 years. But purity is my goal. Purity in thoughts and actions. Not while I’m single, but also in courtship. I need it like I need my last breath. God be with me. Amen

Written by IG handle: @proudvcardholder

Are You Really A Virgin? Like Really!!

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There used to be a time when virginity was generally synonymous to virtue in the culturally scheme of things. Youths especially girls were encouraged to avoid sexual intercourse till marriage because virginity was a pride to the girl’s family, admiration for the future husband and show of self worth for the girl in question.

How has time changed…..

Wester culture education, exposure, social media influence, inquisitiveness, curiosity, stubbornness, peer pressure and in some cases low self esteem has made virginity seem achaic and old fashioned and without value.

Cultural tenets have long slacked on the topic of virginity with religion slowly loosing it’s grip on the subject matter with some preaching abstenance from sex not chastity. Big difference.

It was in this school of thought that I was asked my opinion on getting married to a virgin.

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A broad smile crept up on my face because I expected my response to shock the “asker”.

Then I commenced.

“What is a virginity?” Virginity is defined as a state of never having had sexual intercourse. Emphasis is on ‘never had in sexual intercourse’.

Then I continued…..

“What is sexual intercourse?” It is defined as sexual contact between individuals involving penetration especially the insertion of a man’s erect penis in a lady’s vagina.

Therefore a virgin is someone who hasn’t had vaginal penetration.

But then again, there are many sexual relations that mustn’t culminate in penetration including oral and anal sex, aggresive foreplay, kissing, fondling, caressing, smooching and the likes.

The term ‘virgin’ has long vacated the ranks of defining the sexually naive, and inexperienced folks with some virgins having more exposure and experience in sexual matters than even their sexually active counterparts.

Click HERE to read the article “Understanding Virginity and The 5 Types of Virgins” for more information on the subject matter.

So the right question has evolved from “would you marry a virgin?” to “would you marry a chaste virgin?”

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Whereas virginity is abstinence from sexual intercourse, chastity on the other hand is refraining from any form of genital sexual relations, inappropriate touching, anal/oral sex, kissing, immodest or inappropriate conversations, viewing of pornography, masturbation and even sexual fantasizing.

Virginity can no longer be used as a yardstick in judging purity and virtue in out ever evolving world. But where virginity is failing, chastity has risen to the occasion.

Remember, it’s no longer “are you a virgin?”, it’s now “are you a chaste virgin?”. Big difference.

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Angry Feminists: When Women Can’t Cook

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I wonder what happened to the women who knew how to cater for their families and where actually proud of it. Now you mention “kitchen”, feminists will tag you a misogynist. .

We live in a world which has forgotten their “foundation”.

We live in a world where baking has nothing to do with the kitchen but a make up term.

We now live in a world fast food is the fast way to prepare family meals.

We live in a world where girls are afraid to slay common chicken but have no problem slaying to events. .

We live in a world where #pepperdemgang can’t even touch pepper with their bare hands because it’s “hot”.

We live in a world where girls know more number of sex positions than number of dishes they can prepare.

As I said feminists will call me misogynist to hide their shame but truth be told, a man that can’t take care of his family is a joke whereas a woman that can’t cook for her family is a joker.

 

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When A Man Loves A Woman

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Love to a man is simply finding solace in the arms of the woman he loves.

 

An encourager that can ‘show’ him that he can do it.

An advisor that can help him plan a way out of any situation.

A helper who would help him take care of the family when he is busy working.

A manager who helps manage his funds and not waste it extravagantly.

A ‘painkiller’ that miracoulsy dissolves every of his pain and worry.

A comforter who provides consolation when a business deal doesn’t go as planned.

A prayer warrior who prays her man’s dreams into reality.

 

Love to a man is feeling secure (finding peace) in his woman’s arms.

Don’t just be a woman that loves a man, be a woman that a man can love.
In the lyrics of Michael Bolton’s ever green song “When a Man Loves a Woman”

“When a man loves a woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else
He’d trade the world
For a good thing he’s found”

“When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way
It ought to be”.

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When Two Shall Become One

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This is what they mean when they say “two shall become one”. .

Tied together in good times and in bad times.

Tied together when he looses his job and savings are getting depleted.

Tied together when she on her period or not just in the mood for sex.

Tied together when she gains weight during pregnancy and fails to loose much of it after birth.

Tied together when he becomes frustrated with business and looking for an escape route.

Tied together when his favourite football team looses and she can’t laugh because she’s also a fan by default.

Tied together when her breasts begin to sag and his dick begins to lose erection.
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Tied together when he cheats on her or when she sneaks around.

Tied together when the kids becomes their number one priority.

Tied together even when children aren’t forth coming and the doctors see no fault in both parties.

Remember, before you get married, are you ready to be tied to your partner till death do you part?

A Simple NO Can Save Your Life

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Any situation/habit/act that defiles you/ makes you compromise your values/ causes you to sin against God and makes you betray your belief system is NO (Not Okay) to your life and should be followed up with an emphatic NO.

No is a complete sentence and needs no explanation so don’t begin to scramble for a good reason to justify your “no”.

It’s a NO (Now Over). Finish!!!!!

Stand firm. Don’t compromise.

 

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