Date Your Wife and Marry Your Girlfriend

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“Date your wife and marry your girlfriend” – Kurtis Smith, 2015

I can’t stress the above quote enough. Let me break it down.

Date your wife: Most people enter into relationships for various reasons. For companionship, to be taken care of (women are mostly guilty of this), for the sex (men raise your hands), for social acceptance, to blend in or even because of boredom. Only a fraction of relationships that start on such shaky grounds ever reach the altar and even so only a small percentage of them last 10 years happily.

But imagine, a man sees a woman in her flaws and envisions “forever after” with her. He looks out for her best interest at heart. Builds her. Supports her. Forgives her. Loves and cherishes her. He is dating his wife.

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Marry your girlfriend: Then they get married. From that wedding day, the title changes from wife to girlfriend. We have made the title “wife” heavy with too much responsibility. A wife should be this. A wife should be that. Too much pressure. Instead he treats her like his girlfriend. He doesn’t make her to wash/clean/cook and all those wifely mumbo jumbo. He takes her on dates, makes love to her anywhere and everywhere, spoils her, cocoons her in unbinding love. He is married to his girlfriend.

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So remember, when next you envision marriage. Try it the other way around. Date your husband and marry your boyfriend. YOLO should actually be YOMO. You Only Marry Once.  Don’t make divorce an option. Marry your boyfriend/girlfriend today.

#CoupleGoals: IG—>>>> @timi_dorgu and @ife_x.

Please follow the blog on IG: chiefKurtisblog

7 Reasons Men Chase After Women

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Growing up, I faced competition in almost every aspect of my life. From fighting for the TV remote control with my siblings which I usually got as the okpala (first born) to the ‘hustle’ for top spots in class with my classmates. It was from one neck cracking experience to another but nothing frustrated me more than the issue I am just about discussing: GIRLS.

I was barely 15 year old when this black quirky boy transferred to my school. Let’s call him Dapo. Dapo wasn’t all that smart (maybe I am just hating) and wasn’t as fine as I was (now I am not hating, I’m sure) but one thing he knew how to do better than most guys in our class was toasting girls.

Can you imagine? I was this cute tall light skinned boy as single as the number 1 and struggling to get a girl to say “I love you” to talkless of getting a kiss and here walked in this annoying dark skinned not-so-fine boy that got all the girl’s attention. Now you feel my pain.

“Why don’t I have a girlfriend?”, I would ask myself in my quiet time. I might not have been vocal enough to spit girl attracting lines but for what I lacked in vocals, I thought I made up graciously in humor, height and handsomeness (all h’s….*wink*).

I was damn wrong.

It took me a few years to be able to voice my feelings to a girl and at last get my lips disvirgined but what life taught me and continues to teach me in sometimes subtle and other times aggressive ways is that girls are meant to be chased. Nature has made it so.

So why do guys chase girls?

1. Adam led the way: After God created man, He saw it was not good for Adam to be alone and He created a woman. When Adam awoke and saw Eve, he didn’t say “well, if she likes me, she should say something”. He didn’t wait for God to speak. He didn’t watch her and decide if he should approach her or not. What did he do?
You guessed it. He toasted her.
He said immediately after seeing her “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”. In 21st century English, Adam meant “baby, you look gorgeous. Without you I can’t function. Without you there is no me”.
So if anyone advises a lady to toast a guy, remind them that Adam serenaded Eve not the other way around.

2. Sperm inspired: So your father released you as a sperm along with millions other sperms. Instead of waiting for the your mother’s released egg to meet the sperms, you guys swam as fast as possible to meet the egg. Now here comes the hard part, the egg plays hard to get. You and your other sperm siblings struggle to fertilize the egg and whoever gets in first renders the rest useless. You won. Even your conception shows that men chase women not the other way around.

3. God said so: One of the most important and remarkable scriptures in the Bible concerning the gender entitled with ‘making the move’ is found in Proverbs 18:22 which says “Whoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord”. It clearly encourages a man to find the woman not the other way around with benefits inclusive.

5. Nature specific: I don’t know about you but watching animals mating in National Geographic Channel taught me a valuable lesson and that’s that even male animals do the chasing. Let’s take a look at just two.
i. Giraffes: Male giraffes stalk female giraffes on heat with the female sometimes continually walking or running away from him. During this time, he will attempt to keep other males away from the female as he pursues her. Key word: “pursues”.
ii. Honey bees: During a bees mating ritual, a virgin queen bee will fly out in search of male bees (drones). The drones swarm around the queen competing with a chance to nail her, until one ballsy drone makes his move in a mid-air sexual encounter with the queen.  Key word: “competing”.
Its clear that the giraffe and bees pursue and compete with each other for their “girls”. If male animals don’t wait for girls to toast them, who are we not to take the initiative?

6. Ego boosting: Men were made by God to be project driven individuals. Men derive pleasure from setting a goal and accomplishing set targets. Therefore when a man sets a target of making a million Dollars, he goes after it with all vigor and rejoices when his goal is met. So also is a man going after a woman, the woman in question becomes his project while he is the project manager. His mission could be to sleep with her or date her or marry her but he won’t let go until his mission is accomplished. A completed mission comes with a refilling of his ego and pride. He walks tall knowing that he got the babe other men couldn’t get.
But peradventure he fails to convince her, he doesn’t whine about it, he moves on to the next project (another woman). Men are that ‘heartless’.

7. Girls won’t and shouldn’t: There are times I walk into a party of people and then exchanges glances with a particular girl amongst them. She smiles and looks at me with the “come over here and talk to me eyes”. I respond with the “why don’t you come over here and make the first move eyes”. If I didn’t make the move, trust me, she won’t bother. Only maybe 3% of girls are bold enough to make the first move. So if you want to get laid, men have no choice to make the move.

Read “How To Toast A Guy Like A Pussy”

How To Toast A Guy Like A Pussy

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“I have waited for him to make the move but he hasn’t. When is it okay for a girl to chase a guy?” she asked. I really thought she was asking a rhetorical question but there was nothing rhetorical about the look on her face. She looked frustrated and in love at the same time.

I have seen many ladies in this very uncomfortable position before. For a guy, he likes a girl and goes after her but for a lady, society has made it no so straightforward. She likes a guy but has to buy her time and wait for him to make the move. If he doesn’t, she dies in silence or risk making the move and selling herself short.

So is it ever okay for a girl to do the chasing?

As my hilariously blessed Pastor would say “No” with this a very funny example.
In his words (paraphrased emphatically), “men are like hunters who go about hunting for the attention and affection of women. A guy sees a lady he likes, he plans, strategizes, sharpens his weapon (humor, money, style etc), waits for the right opportunity and makes the move to get her attention. If he succeeds he then proceeds to win her over with affection and if that works too, he proceeds to boast about his new babe to his friends.

A hunter sees an antelope and same with the guy hunting for love plans his strategy, aims his weapon, waits for the right time and baaaaam, he shots the antelope dead. He walks up to the antelope, admires his catch, takes it home, boasts to his fellow hunters and family about his catch and devours the animal.

So what if this hunger goes to the forest to hunt for an antelope, doesn’t find one then gets home and finds an antelope had walked into his kitchen. The antelope put a pot on the fire, jumps inside and sprinkles seasoning, salt, and the necessary ingredients on itself and covers the pot.
If you were in the hunter’s shoes, what would you do? Be grateful to God for a free meal or run away? You guess is as good as mine.

This is exactly what girls do when they chase a guy. You appear as the crazy antelope.

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Why should girls never chase guys?
1. It’s ungirly: It’s a man’s position to toast a girl not the other way around. Remember when Adam saw Eve for the first time, he toasted her by saying “she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”. Eve didn’t say a word. She just listened and smiled. So when next you are pressured to make the move, ask yourself “what would Eve do?”. Read “8 Reasons Men Chase After Women”

2. You loose your advantage: A girl’s advantage over any guy asking is her feelings. The guy has already made his feelings known to her but she’s yet to make hers known to him which keeps him on his toes. If she was to make the move, she hands over the advantage to the guy. A very sad place for any girl to be. Trust me.

3. She looks desperate: As with the hunter analogy, making the move cuts her out as desperate and as with guys, they smell desperation from a mile away. Most will take her for granted, give her what she wants (attention and fake love), get what they want and leave her hanging.

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So how does a girl make the move?
Now this is the part with the meaty stuff. I said a girl shouldn’t chase a guy but I never said a girl shouldn’t make a guy chase her.
Let’s take a look at the pussy cat.
During heat, female cats are open to mating and therefore attract individuals of the opposite sex.
Female cats who are in heat generally make it obvious to others, often to a frustrating degree. Urine spraying often signifies the heat cycle — an action that is intended to communicate breeding status to males. Cats in heat also often act in especially loving and sweet ways, often through touching the people in their lives or by simply staying close to them.

So for a female cat in heat to attract suitors, she doesn’t just fold her hands and wait for male cats to approach her neither does she make the first move.  She simply makes herself available, sprays urine everywhere to give the male cats signals and becomes extra nice to everyone around her.

As with girls. Instead of making the move. Make yourself noticeable to the guy you like. If you both are students, borrow his books or tell him to explain something you don’t understand. If you both are co-workers, always “run into him” at the canteen, ask for a favour, help with something he needs. If you see a guy you like at an outing, walk pass him and smile, maintain eye contact, ask him to take you and your friends a picture with your phone. In everything you do, make himself available and as the pussy, throw urine everywhere. Guys will catch up.
Also remember the female pussy is extra nice when she’s on heat. Be extra nice to him. Not in an intrusive way but very subtle so as not to be seen as desperate.

Really, there is no hard and fast rule to getting a guy’s attention but in all that you do, don’t jump on his laps because you like him. Don’t be the stupid antelope, be the wise pussy.

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UPDATE: A friend asked a follow up question after reading this article, she inquired “when do guys start preferring the lady does the chasing?”.
My answer is “Never. Guys would never prefer a lady does the chasing. It makes her appear desperate. Guys love “green light”. You like him, don’t take the lead, make him that the lead by giving him the necessary “I like you’ signals. Set traps. If a guy lets you chase him, then he doesn’t want her. If he really does, he will man up and do what’s necessary. Kapish?

When Love Becomes Suspiciously Lonely

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I once asked a friend why she missed her boyfriend. Ex boyfriend as at that point. The same guy that cheated on her so much that she lost count. The same guy that used her as a punching bag in preparation for his boxing championship.

Her simple reply was “I am lonely without him”.

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It begs to ask these questions?

Are you in “love” because you are lonely?

Are you in that relationship because you can’t stand being alone?

Are you getting married just because you are tired of being referred to as Miss?

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Until you get comfortable with being alone, you will never know if you are choosing someone out of love or out of loneliness.

Love yourself first before you should love someone else.

Get comfortable alone before you cosy up to someone else.

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Even if you want to enjoy the comfort of a hotel, have your own comfortable crib. So as soon as the hotel starts getting uncomfortable, you can pack your things with a smile and head back to your beautiful crib.

It you don’t enjoy your company, it invariably means you have no crib to return to. You are rendered homeless.

So you will either return to the same hotel to live as a unwanted guest.
OR
You lodge at any place no matter how filthy it is just to get a roof over your head.

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Have you ever wondered why some people are never single for long?

Have you ever wondered why some people stay in abusive relationships?

Have you ever wondered why some people jump from one bad relationship to another?

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They have no crib (self love) to return to when they leave the hotel (relationship).

It’s better to be happy alone than unhappy in the name of love.

Love your own company.

Get yourself a comfortable crib.

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The Titanic Way Relationships End

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As Titanic was sinking and hundreds of people were either jumping to their death or drowning, Jack and Rose were in the ocean together. Jack helped Rose onto a wooden panel only buoyant enough for one person while he dangled in the ice cold ocean. After a little while, a rescue effort is conducted and Rose is saved while Jack dies of hypothermia (caused by extreme cold).

Watching this scene as the 11 years old or so boy that I was, I couldn’t understand why this young fine man would give up his life for this woman (not even his wife or his babe but someone else’s babe on the ship).
I cried. Not because he died, but because he was “stupid” enough to sacrifice his life in the name of love for another man’s “property”.

I have grown to realize that love is the wonderful feeling that makes people do the dumbest things. It’s that strong of an emotion. It paralyzes, it captivates, it subdues, it weakens and strengthens all at the same time.

LOVE……..

The sad part of my discovery about “love” is the fact that not only is the word often adulterated. Wherein every one with as little as a feeling of affection for another would automatically proclaim “I love you”. It seems “lovers” are not aware of the selfless nature of the word “love” that the most minute offense has caused a rift and destroyed many relationships.

Let’s take a look at Dare and Tunde’s story. These two love birds have dated for four committed years. It seemed they were destined for the altar and a life together until strife struck.

During a time apart caused by a rift they had, Dare went out with her ex on a friendly outing and in a moment of regret and childishness they ended up kissing. She regretted her action immediately and was the reason it didn’t go beyond kissing.
She decided to keep it from her boyfriend because she didn’t think too much of it.
Tunde proposed and on his bachelor’s eve party, Dare’s ex was present (as if the devil sent him). As the immature guy that he is, he boasted to his friends about making out with the Tunde’s fiancée. News got to Tunde and he was distraught. He confronted Dare who admitted to the offense and apologized but not without blaming it on Tunde.

“If not because you decided we take a break from the relationship, I wouldn’t have gone out with him and this wouldn’t have happened”, she said.

Tunde was livid and wasn’t having it. Since she refused to apologize wholeheartedly, Tunde called off the engagement.

Dare was even more perplexed. She was adamant that she wasn’t going to apologize for what wasn’t totally her fault.

That was the end of their relationship.

This is the sad case of throwing the baby with the bath water.

This behavior could be likened to dumping a 2015 Range Rover Sport worth over N30 million because it has faulty tires. If you know the quality of your car, you wouldn’t give up on it because it just has faulty tires.

If you know the quality of your love. How special and unique your lover is. How precious she is to you. How amazing she makes you feel. How treasured and loved he makes you feel. You won’t give up on him/her because of a faulty tire (a mistake or error in judgement).

As if you needed reminding, Titanic which was the biggest ship in its time was sunk when it’s base was punctured by an iceberg.

The puncture was small but the damage was grave.

Don’t let pride/excuses get in the way of an enviable love.

Next time your partner offends you.
Ask yourself…..
Is her offense bigger than ‘our’ love?
Is his wrongdoing bigger than the commitment ‘we’ both share?
If the answer is yes, move on.
If the answer is no, make it work.

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Remember, don’t get rid a Range Rover Sport because of faulty tires and end up with a Toyota Camry with good tires.

Manner of Approach: The Love Story of Rachael and Ken

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Not Rachael and Kennedy

It was Ken’s birthday and his beautiful wife Rachael was planning a surprise visit to his office.

She had an Arsenal cake baked for him and packaged some bottles of drinks, snacks and even a cooler filled with hot spicy goat meat peppersoup for his colleagues at the office.

It was his 40th birthday and she was even more excited than he was about celebrating it. She stepped into his office complex and exchanged pleasantries with everyone she saw.

“Madam, you are looking very beautiful. Oga is really taking good care of you”, the Secretary mustered with a big smile as Mrs Rachael proceeded to opening her husband’s door.
” Thank you Uche”, she replied as she opened her husband’s office door singing

“Happpppppy Birth……….”

Then she saw a scene that swept her off her feet. Almost literally. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

 

Her Reaction (Option 1):
She was dumbfounded to find her husband hugging a seductively dressed lady in his office. She gently dropped his surprise cake on the desk and started screaming…..
“Kennedy what is going on here?”
“Who is this brat?”
“So I came to surprise you on your birthday and this is what I get?”

As Ken was composing himself to answer her flurry of questions, he gestured for Jolomi to leave the office but Madam Rachael blocked her from leaving.
“Now you are telling her to leave? She must stay here while you explain yourself”
“Who is this brat, I repeat”.

Long story short, Madam Jolomi left the office offended and Ken was left with a ruined birthday. He got home to  a calm wife who had cried herself to sleep. He woke up the next day and explained what really happened to her and she felt so ashamed of herself for jumping into conclusions so aggressively.

 

Her Reaction (Option 2):
She was dumbfounded to find her husband hugging a seductively dressed lady in his office. But as the calm composed lady she was, she acted like nothing happened.
She continued singing “Happy Birthday to you” while the whole office joined in. By then Jolomi had gathered herself, left the office faster than she came in.

His wife gave the food stuff to the Secretary to share among the staff, kissed her husband, prayed for him and left him to get on with work.

Ken got home and met his wife waiting for him with his meal already prepared and steaming hot.
He knew his wife saw what happened at the office and knew he had to explain himself sooner rather than later.

As he finished his meal, showered and was preparing to explain himself to his wife.

Rachael beat him to it.
She said, “Darling there is something that happened in the office today that hurt me”.
He replied ” Yes baby, that’s what I wanted to talk…….”
“Please let me finish”, she cut in.
“I came to surprise you at the office and met you in an embrace with a scantily dressed girl. Why would you do such a thing? Why would you hurt me in such a way? I didn’t react then because I respect you and I didn’t want to cause a scene at the office. Please explain yourself.”

Then Ken proceeded to explaining what happened at the office.

 

What really transpired at the office —————————>

It was Ken’s birthday alright but he wasn’t in the birthday mood. He just got wind of news that the company was downsizing and he had to personally lay off a few of the staff under his supervision. He knew he had to celebrate his birthday later at home with his wife and three kids. But for now, his birthday was the last thing on his mind. He was tensed.

He finally almost reluctantly selected 10 of the staff that were to be layed off.
He called them into his office one after the other, after a few words of encouragement handed them their letter of termination and wished them well.

Then in stepped Jolomi, the hot busty and sumptuous looking lady (in my own words not Ken’s. Please) that has been trying all she could to get the attention of Ken to no avail. He was devoted to his wife and gave Jolomi no second thought whatsoever.

She entered his office in her usual jovial, cleavage showing, seductive oozing mischievous self.

She sat down, Ken told her the bad news and gave her the letter.

Then she burst into tears.

Ken being a human being and a gentleman proceeded to hug her telling her everything is going to be fine when his wife entered the office.

 

Morale of the Story:
Manner of approach is the difference between a venomous marriage and a peaceful one. It’s okay to be hurt, it’s okay to be offended by a spouse but your reaction matters greatly.

As the story shows, Option 1 was immediate, explosive and detremental. Whereas Option 2 was calculated, calm and very peaceful.

It gave room for communication and when there is communication there is understanding and with understanding comes peace and harmony.

Next time you want to explode, relax and ask yourself “What would Jesus do?”
Yes, Jesus would be calm. So be calm.

 

You learn, just as you learn good manners, how to approach things with a certain amount of diplomacy. – Robert MacNeil

10 Types Of Men Every Lady Must Avoid

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1. Gum body: A few years back, there was this beautiful tall elegant girl I kept admiring in church and intended walking up to given the right time to say hi. The only problem was that she was always with this good looking fellow. Always. One didn’t need a fortune teller to tell you they were dating. So I just lost interest after a while.
Years after, we somehow became friends and I asked after her “boyfriend” and her reply shocked me. She said “I have been hearing the same thing in church, that me and him are dating because we’re always together. But we never had anything going on”. She then jokingly added “I think I need to stay away from him because it seems he is spoiling my market”.
Many girls have lost potential suitors because of the “gum body” mentality of some men. They tag around with a beautiful lady, act like something is going on and scare suitors away.  Ladies should learn to stay away from men that don’t say their mind, form padi-padi and just want to be around you for no clear reason at all.  They are show spoilers. Stay clear.

2. Mummy’s boys: It’s commendable for a man to love, adore and respect his parents especially his mother. Even the Bible says in
Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise). That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth”.
This Bible passage is proof that a man who obeys and honors his mother is entitled to prosperity and a long life.
However there is a limit to the level of reverence a man accords his mother. A man that doesn’t do anything or date any woman without seeking approval from his mother is a mummy’s boy and should be avoided. A man that would obey his mother all the time and inconvenience himself in the process is a mummy’s boy and should be avoided. A man that is not ashamed to say “my mother won’t let me marry a Yoruba girl even though I love her” is a mummy’s boy and should be avoided. A man that would tell his wife to apologize to his mother and never tell his mother to apologize to his wife is a mummy’s boy and should have been avoided. Mummy’s boys are nice and caring, trust me. But a mummy’s boy will forever remain a mummy’s boy and never be a wife’s man.

3. Daddy’s money boys: These are the men boys that have a knack for flaunting their parent’s wealth on social media. The sons of corrupt politicians or rich and influential business men. Instead of sitting their ass down, working hard to make a name for themselves. They lazy about flaunting their father’s cars in school, using their pocket money to trip girls, riding on their parent’s wealth to attract attention. Stay away from such boys.

4. Player extraordinaire: It’s no secret that men are polygamous in nature and it takes the grace of God, character and self control for a man to stay with a woman and remain faithful. Some cheat and later regret while others don’t even hide their promiscuity.
The type that play “test your luck” on Facebook with many girls using the same lines and wait for anyone that falls for the bait. The type that has more passwords on his phone than a CBN bank account. The type that goes behind your back to toast your friend. The type that drolls over any girl that passes bye. Those types with “sweet mouth”.
Players are bad boys and girls like bad boys but in the long run they either end of changing him into a good boy or end up heartbroken. The latter is always the case. Stay away from them.

5. Mr. Kiss and Tell: I remember dating this beautiful girl while in the University. She wasn’t only beautiful but she was very intelligent and most of all had this very voluminous God given milk production organs. I remember going out a few times with her and upon my return to the hostel, my annoying friends would surround me and be like “guy, gist us na, how does that girl taste?”. My reply would always be “none of your business, go and get your own…lol”.
Many guys would be tempted to bask in the “glory” of dating such a damsel and spill all the beans but I am not that kinda of guy.
As the saying goes, “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. What happens between me and a lady, stays between me and the lady. Nobody has to know.  Sadly, not all men share this point of view. Many would proudly tell anyone who cares to listen of their escapades with Sade, Felicia and even Grace. Stay away from men that can’t keep their legs and their mouth closed.

6. Excuse maker: You know those kind of men that sit around and blame their misfortune on Buhari, lack of fuel, rising Dollar rate or even the epileptic power supply. The kind of men that never take responsibility for their actions and tend to blame everybody else apart from themselves when things aren’t going well. These are the professional excuses pushers. These men would blame you for their financial problems when they marry you. You know the “I was rich before I married you, but now look at me” kind of men. These are they.

7. People basher: I don’t know about you but I find it very discomforting when people speak of others behind their back. I wouldn’t give you the room to speak ill of anybody behind their backs. Not even someone I dislike. So when you see grown ass men, sit down and joblessly bash others. When you see a man speak ill of his ex like she was a street urchin. My sister, he has a loose mouth, no character and would readily speak ill of you tomorrow. Stay away.

8. Never speaks his mind: I grew up and realized that the way women and men communicate are very different. Men are known to be vocal and say their mind through their words. Women on the other hand aren’t so vocal and tend to speak their mind through their actions. So therefore, a girl likes a guy but she would never come out straight. She tells him her mind through her actions like calling him, spending time with him etc. However, when a man hangs around a woman for too long and begins acting like a woman by not saying his mind through his words but through his actions then something is wrong. A man should be able to state categorically what he wants from a woman within a specified time frame and not keep her guessing. If he keeps playing dumb, stay away from him. He is either confused or not courageous enough to say his mind. Signs of a boy.

9. Doesn’t like children: The love I have for children is literally unquantifiable. Simply put, children make me happy and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. This love gives me the patience and tender care to talk to them, advice them, scold them, encourage them and love them as tender as their age deserves. But when a man doesn’t like children (I don’t mean his kids, other kids). He doesn’t have the patience to deal with them, in fact he doesn’t even know how to handle or talk to kids. It’s a big turn off and that’s a major sign of a man that would shift all the responsibility of parenthood to his wife. Such man would be content with providing money for the family but never hands-on in the upbringing of the children.

10. Mr. Masculine: You know those sort of men that believe a woman’s place is in the bedroom and in the kitchen. The kind of man that would get envious when his woman gets a good paying job. The sort of man that gets insecure when his woman earns more than him. The kind of man that never encourages his wife to be better than she is. The kind of man that converts a certificate holding woman into a house wife. Stay away from such men.

 

Bonus:
11. Woman beater: If a man beats you and you remain with him because “you love him” then OYO is your case (in Clara Ikemba’s voice. A role played so well by Nollywood’s Rita Dominic in the movie “The Meeting”). You will soon be looking as “beautiful” as her character in the movie. Lol

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