African Parents Are Lazy Disciplinarians

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Growing up my mother was the disciplinarian in the house. Momma had a cane or two at every corner of the house. Anyone that stepped out of line was given a beating even before the offender was given room to explain his/her actions.

The house was hot and every child towed a respect-yourself-or-get-a-whopping line. One of the reasons I desired to be a grown-up so bad so to outgrow this ass whopping.

Looking back now as a grown-up, I  am of the opinion a far stronger and more potent weapon in disciplining a child other than ass whopping is “reasoning”.

We live in a society (African mentality) where disciplining a child seldomly involves reasoning with the child and talking to him/her. It’s always the “spare the rod and spoil the  child” approach. In our schools, children are flogged. At home, children are flogged. Everywhere you turn children are beaten like animals that can’t be reasoned with.

It just seems to me that:

1. African parents don’t understand their children. They fail to realize that the way one child behaves will be different from the way another child behaves. That children are human beings with different temperaments, behavioral patterns, likes and dislikes. That where whipping might work for one, an arm around the shoulder might work for another. They fail to realize that children are children not adults and will act as children would; irrational and sometimes insolent. They misbehave as children should and then parents try to reason their child’s child-like actions with their adult brain, don’t make sense of it and then unleash their fury with strokes.

2. African parents don’t see their children as equals. I learnt something from white parents, they see their children as equals. Wise enough to make their decisions and live by them. These children a times take their independence too far and talk back at their parents but judging by how useful these children become to society abroad compared to grownups in Africa, I think their parents did a better job. Over here, as long as a child is under a parent’s roof, he or she is seen as a subordinate while the parents are the Masters. They have no say. They can’t voice their opinions. African parents are just like their political leaders: authoritarians.

3. African parents don’t fully understand the scripture. To begin with, the saying “spare the rod and spoil the child” as quoted, isn’t in the Bible. The closest verse like it is Proverbs 13:24 which reads, “Those who spare the rod, hate their children, but the one who loves their child disciplines them diligently.” The question is, what was the use of the rod, and is it a directive or a metaphor?

4. African parents misunderstand the word “rod”. A shepherd’s rod in biblical times was a two to four foot club used for defending the sheep from predators and robbers. It was worn in their belt and may resemble a walking stick but was a weapon or tool to provide safety for the flock.
Key word is defend and provide safety. So why do African parents keep inflicting pain, fear and apprehension on their sheep (children) in the name of discipline?
Let’s take a look at Psalm 23:4. “Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shades of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” I’m sure that does not mean that God will beat us with an actual rod to comfort us.
Also in 2 Samuel 7:14 when God made a covenant with David, He said “I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son. When he commits iniquity, I will discipline him with the rod of men….” so we know that God does not mean that He would beat David with an actual rod but God was using this word as an expression of His discipline of David when he needed it. This is actually a sign of love because love = discipline.

5. African parents forget Proverbs 22:6. The most powerful scripture in the Bible pertaining to raising a child is found in Proverbs 22: 6 which says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. Train according to the dictionary involves educating and exercising with discipline. Imagine going for a training for a position in a company and educators holding canes to whip anyone that didn’t understand lessons being taught.

6. African parents are too lazy to properly train a child. I was watching a documentary on police dogs and how they are trained and realized that police dogs are never beaten or whipped. To my amazement, the trainers talk to these dogs like they would a human being. They tell them what to do, if the dog doesn’t do it, it doesn’t get a reward (mostly dog biscuits). The dog eager to get rewarded and praised, does everything within its power to learn and make its trainer proud.
White parents open a line of communication with their children to understand why they disobey their instructions.
When they still repeat the offense, they use methods like “removal of video games”, “grounding the child”, ” not taking the child to Disney Land”, “not giving the child her favorite toys” etc to get the child in line.
In Africa, our parents are to busy making money to properly take care of their children and discipline them. They give that responsibility to housemaids, grand parents, nannies and even teachers at school. Whenever they are home, all they have time to do is flog and take discipline to the extreme.

As a child I was literally afraid of my mother. I knew she loved me and I loved her but her incessive flogging made me behave just because I didn’t want some ass whopping. This act breeds children that pretend. They act responsible at home but revert back to their true irresponsible characters outside.

If a child is consistency directed they will learn what is expected and generally conform. However, if they are beaten and broken they not only stop responding, but they look for every opportunity to escape–even when escape may mean grave danger.

To spare the rod doesn’t mean a parent should beat down their children into submission, rather they are to be like shepherds who value and care for their charges and keep them from danger by using the tools of good parenting to teach responsible behavior and appropriate morality

Finally, we know that no discipline feels good while it is happening, but afterwards the rewards are rich (Hebrews 12:11). Godly character, fruit of the Spirit, and peace are rewards of God’s discipline. The same is true for our human children. Children who have learned how to take responsibility for their actions are much happier people (Proverbs 3:11–18).

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Reference:

  1. http://www.hcna.us/columns/childabuse.html
  2. http://www.gotquestions.org/spare-rod-spoil-child.html

Children, Parents and Sex Education

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I was about heading to boarding school at about 11 years old when my mother called me into her room for a talk. I had no idea what she had in mind until she opened her mouth.
I can’t remember all she said but one sentence stuck “you are a man now, do not get a girl pregnant”.
She didn’t seem too comfortable with the topic and the conversation was over faster than it started.

I was a kid who knew nothing about the female anatomy, knew nothing about sexual intercourse, knew nothing about pregnancy but was given an ultimatum “do not get a girl pregnant?” How do I even get a girl pregnant? I didn’t know but was never told.

My dad? The word ‘sex’ seems like a forbidden word because I have never heard him utter any sentence with ‘sex’ embedded in it.

All I know about sex, I had to learn from external sources. I was fortunate to keep my virginity till I was done with my teenage years but that was out of lack of opportunity not intentional.

So my question is, when is it really okay to discuss sex with children? Should parents leave it up to teachers in school? Or friends in the neighborhood?

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Let’s take a look Ebun’s story.

Little Ebun Joseph (pseudonym) was given a rude introduction into the meaning of sex in the most unimaginable way. And it stemmed from what was supposed to be a seemingly harmless question.

“Daddy, what is sex?” The little girl asked one day after school.

The father, who is a clergy, hushed her up gently but firmly. He told her she was not supposed to mention such a word in the house again. The inquisitive little girl sulked up to her mother and asked the same question. She got a similar response.

The next day, still unsatisfied by the answers given by her parents, Ebun asked her mother’s driver as he drove her to school.

“Uncle, what is sex?”

In a moment of surprise, the driver’s mood was twisted by morbid fascination. He warned her not to tell her parents what he was about to teach her. The little girl innocently agreed. He decided to ‘show’ her the meaning. He raped her. She was just six years old at the time. The little girl was too scared to tell her parents. She went through that ordeal until she was 15, without the knowledge of her parents.

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Experts on sex matters have warned about the dangers of parents shying away from discussing sex with their children.

One of them is a child sexuality educator and relationship expert, Mr. Praise Fowowe. He said there was danger in not empowering children about sex education during their impressionable years.

“This is because the strength of a sex predator is the ignorance of a child. But once the child is adequately equipped with the right, appropriate knowledge about sex, it would then be impossible for a predator to molest that child. Sex education, just like charity, should start from the home,” Fowowe said.

According to Science Daily, sex education “is a broad term used to describe education about human sexual anatomy, sexual reproduction, sexual intercourse, and other aspects of human sexual behaviour.”

Fowowe further explained that sex education for children must consider the well-being of a child. “This includes letting them aware of their body parts, and how they respond and react to things about their bodies,” he said.

Also, a counselling and developmental psychologist at the Department of Counselling and Human Development Studies, University of Ibadan, Oyo State, Prof. Ajibola Falaye, advised parents to introduce sex education to children when they started to ask curious questions about their bodies and the making of babies.

She stated, ‘‘From psychology, we know that some form of basic sex education should begin from between the ages of three to six. Some children start having immature sex feelings at a young age. When children ask questions about anatomical differences in gender, parents should be able to explain to them with straightforward answers, and not muddled interpretation.

“You don’t have to give too many details to children about sex. It should be said in a way that children can understand and appreciate.”

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However, sex education remains a controversial issue, especially in this clime where some, for religious leanings and fears, believe that children, at whatever age, should not be taught about sex or anything remotely related to it.

A parenting counsellor and children life coach, Mr. Kingsley Obom-Egbulem, said some people have kicked against teaching children about the issues related to sex because of the word ‘sex.’

He said, “Some people have been kicking against sex education because they believe that when one uses the word sex, one is actually talking about sexual intercourse and not just the anatomy. But when it comes to children, I believe parents should start telling their children about their private body parts as from the age of one or two. This would help the child to understand his or her body as he or she grows up.”

Obom-Egbulem likened such basic sex education to ‘arming children against abuse.”

He stated, “Sexual abuse is a real concern at that level. We should draw a line between sex education and sexual intercourse. Parents should help their children to become familiar and comfortable with their body parts.

For child rights activist, Mrs. Helen Oshikoya, “Children should be made to be aware of the basics about their body parts. Also, one can inform them that if they are touched inappropriately or gestures of sexual contents are made to them, they should report such to their parents.”

Besides, Fowowe added that sex education should begin at different stages.

He explained further: “There is what is called age appropriation sexual education, The first stage can start when the child is between 18 months and three years, the next stage is from ages three to five; then five to eight, eight to 12, and from 13 to 18. At these different stages, the children are taught different basics about sex and values according to the age and maturity.’’

He also said, “The challenge is that when parents hear of sexual education, they think it is connotes teaching them about penetration sex. That is not even involved until the child is old enough, at about 13 or 14. From the age of three for example, the child needs to be taught about the body parts, and the proper names and differences between private and public body parts and how to handle the parts. For the younger ages, story-telling, role plays and songs are good methods to use in teaching them basic sex education. From five years upwards, the format changes, which includes, ‘fire on the mountain’ – what children should avoid, and so on.”

Falaye said parents should take it as a responsibility to teach their children basic sex education, and not leave it to others to teach them. She noted that the lack of sex education and awareness of the issue had led to several problems plaguing children and society.

She said, “Experimentation in adolescence and peer influence causes a lot of misguided sexual actions. That’s why there should be mother-daughter, father-son communication on sex education, and let them know the right information. Research has shown that when there is good mother-daughter communication on sex, the girl is wholesome as far as sex behaviour is concerned. It is the same with the father-son relationship.”

On her part, Founder, Media Concern Initiative, Princess Olufemi-Kayode, agreed with Falaye, adding that the best time to teach sex education should be immediately the child started inquiring about it.

She said, ‘‘It is the best time to start teaching one’s child about basic sex education also called sexuality or life skill education, just like one tells children that they should stay away from fire and the reasons why; because today’s children are more advanced and their curiosity is more heightened.”

Olufemi-Kayode noted that parents should also get some needed education to give their kids better education on issues of sex.

Fowowe also noted that it was needful for parents to begin giving their children sex education at an early age because of the rate of sexual exposure from outside sources, including television, Internet and from peers.

Also speaking, a parent, Mr. John Adewuyi, said it was proper to teach children sex education at early ages in order for them to be empowered sexually as they advance in age. “This includes teaching them about their body parts and why daddy is different from mummy,”he said.

It’s high time parents and guardians take the bull by the horn and educated their children and wards to stop the growing trend of paedophiles violating   these little ones.

If you are too shy to discuss sex with your children, someone out there won’t be too shy to teach them a thing or two about sex.

Be guided.

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Edited from an article by ARUKAINO UMUKORO for www.punchng.com

The Single Mother Who Gave Birth As A Virgin

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I have always seen single mothers as very strong women. They might have made mistakes (like everyone of us) but from a cynics point of view, their mistake (the unexpected baby) lives with them forever and keeps getting bigger. These are women who have turned their “mistakes” to blessings. These are the women to who I dedicated my mothers day article to. A few of them reached out to me with nothing but praise for article. Click HERE to read “Happy Mother’s Day To The Forgotten Mothers”.

As it turns out, a friend who I never even knew was a single mother reached out and decided to share her story titled “A Single Mother Shares Her Heartwarming Testimony”. Click HERE to read how she delivered on the bare floor because nurses laughed her off saying she looked only two months pregnant whereas she was 9 months gone.

Another single mother reached out to tell her story. Unbelievable as it sounds but she actually got pregnant as a virgin. Below is an except from the conversation we had. I tried as much as possible to quote her verbatim so forgive any typographical errors and short hand styled words.

 

Kemi (not real name): I have read the “Happy Mother’s Day To The Forgotten Mothers” article and I have never felt this celebrated. My son is here asleep on my chest. I am sure if he understands what you just did, his heart will bless you. God bless you for this.

 

Me: You are loved and appreciated dear. God bless you too. On second thought, I think you should tell your story. I am sure it will help so many people and make people feel a pinch of what you girls go through. Please start from scratch. I will ensure your identity is protected.

 

Kemi:  I was fresh in school, I made some frnds from fellowship, my frnds frnds and all. Anyways I met a particular funny youngman who caught my fancy. We started dating after bin frnds for a year. We started dating wen I got to 200lvl. While we dated we engaged in heavy romance but never had intercourse.

Along the line I noticed some traits I couldn’t cope with and decided to call it quits. I wanted to break up with him face to face and told him to come over to my place only to discover I was pregnant the next day. I was only 19. I told him and he totally denied which was quite understandable. The hymen wasnt pierced. Yes we were messing around there but I never had d liver to have sex.

His mother adviced me to go abort it and all. I never even contemplated abortion.

My father ws sooo hurt cos im the last child and his favourite. He’s also a pastor so tht must have been quite dificult considering his reputation. My parents supported me even as dissapointed and hurt as dey were.

On the day of delivery, my hymen was finally broken on the examination table while in labour. Like I got pregnant as a virgin. I was cut open when I couldn’t deliver d baby myself.

Tru out the pregnancy and childbirth his father wasnt there.

Wen I gave birth they showed interest but didnt take responsibility for his care and welfare and for yrs now I havent even heard from neither his father nor his family.

I work hard to support my parent to care for him. Thank God for God and my parents.

 

Me: Wow. Very surreal. So how does having a baby affect your relationships?

 

Kemi: Some guys run @ d mention of baby while some stay but do not wish to take u serz

Some want u bt cant handle d baby ish. But others stay and love you.

Infact I am with a great guy who loves me nd my son.
Me: Any advice for people (those that tend to judge single mothers unfairly), parents who find out their daughter is pregnant, parents whose son impregnates a girl and lastly for girls that unexpectedly gets pregnant.

 

Kemi: For those that judge single mothers, stop judging, you dont knw where the shoe hurts until u wear it. For parents, stand by them! Yes chastise them for it but stand by them. They need you the most at such a vulnerable time. Dont lose the chance to be your daughter’s hero/heroine. For guys who get girls preg be a man! Take responsibility, sometimes its not about financial responsibility alone, be there for them. Love your child. And for parent whose son impregnated a lady,imagine she ws your daughter. Whatever happens care for them. Its a better way to teach your son to be a better man for his son. And for the girl that gets pregnant out of wedluck, yes you made a mistake, dont make another one by taking the baby’s life. Stand up to and face your mistakes. It’ll help you be a better mother and teach your children to learn from your mistake and not theirs.

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A Single Mother Shares Her Heartwarming Testimony

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I have always seen single mothers as very strong women. They might have made mistakes (like everyone of us) but from a cynics point of view, their mistake (the unexpected baby) lives with them forever and keeps getting bigger. These are women who have turned their “mistakes” to blessings. These are the women to who I dedicated my mothers day article yesterday to. A few of them reached out to me with nothing but praise for article. Click HERE to read “Happy Mother’s Day To The Forgotten Mothers”.

As it turns out, a friend who I never even knew was a single mother reached out and decided to share her story. Below is an except from the conversation we had. I tried as much as possible to quote her verbatim so forgive any typographical errors and short hand styled words.

 

Rachel (not real name): Thanks 4 remembering we d single mothers. U rock.

 

Me: Sister Rachel, single mother khey? When did you born?

 

Rachel: I don’t tell piple but I am a single mother. I av a kid who is now 12 years old. 1st love gone bad tinz.

 

Me: So we have been friends this long and you never told me this part of your life?

 

Rachel: I don’t tell if I ain’t being asked nah. Besides, our talk never reach dat side b4. Odawise I wud av told u

God’s been the one helping me look after her cos I sincerely dunno wat I wud do if He wasn’t there

Dats my story. A sweet one @ dat. Contemplated ending my life wen the man opened his mouth to say he wasn’t responsible n he accused me of sleeping around.

 

Me: Wow. This is unbelievable. Please how old were you when you got pregnant?

 

Rachel: 19 and then 2 months later I turned 20.

 

Me: The World needs to hear your story. I am sure it will help so many people and make people feel a pinch of what you girls went through. Please start from scratch. I will make sure your identity is protected.

 

Rachel: Okay. I met this guy when I was in my ND 1 @ Auchi Poly. He was an HND student. Nice, sweet, n all.

We dated and I fink then I was jes 17

Then wen we got to my ND 2, a girl showed up and I was told dey had bin dating since. But he told me he was done wit her and so we continued

I left skool cos of some challenges I had but we kept dating until wen I started hearing tins abt him. I ended the relationship only to realize few months later that I was pregnant

I was scared. I kept dat pregnancy a secret until I was in my 7th month. Dat was wen my parents became suspicious n dey took me to the hospital for a test

My parents’ reaction? Dey were angry wit me. My dad cried cos I was his fav. I was always the one used to make examples @ home wen someone does anything bad.

I was taken to abuja where my mum stays with the hope dat dey’d abort the pregnancy but the doctors said the baby was too big. Dey still didn’t know I was far gone in my preg.

Then I went into labour in Jan. I was taken 2 d hospital but the nurses laffed my parents off saying my pregnancy looked 2 months old n dat dey Shud take me back home

We were outside in my dad’s arms wen she fell off me and landed on her back on the bare ground. Nurses came n took her in

My pregnancy didn’t affect my work or school one bit. I had jes started @ d university while I was pregnant. My late stepmum was very supportive of me. She helped take care of Emmanuella (dats d name I gave her) while I went to work 2 weeks after giving birth n then back to skool 1 month after. I worked daily to provide all she needs even till dis day. Financially, nobody helps except God who provides.

Wen he was confronted, the guy said he still wasn’t responsible. His gf then @ skool came to d office to threaten me n I told her off.

The guy n I spoke n I made him swear to me dat even if we met outside dat we cud talk abt anything under d sun but he wud NEVER mention my kid. And he agreed and thus we parted ways. We are still friends till date. We say hello, we’ve hung out twice, met during events, etc. We are cool except if he tries 2 bring her name up. He’s married now wit 2 kids

As to how it affects my relationships, it doesn’t in any way. B4 I say yes to any man’s proposal to date me, I tell dem I av a kid and if dey don’t like it, dey can walk but none of dem has Eva tot of walking away

God’s bin faithful. After my stepmum died, my dad’s sister offered to help take care of her. She’s currently wit my aunty on the island where she’s bin since age 6

I jes look back n I thank God I never gave in to the idea of aborting the pregnancy cos everyday I watch her grow (a pure version of me) and all I can do is pray dat God helps me look after her so she doesn’t make the same mistakes I have made. For her to be a strong woman who ends up fulfilling purpose.

 

Me: Wooooooow. I have been blessed. Thanks for sharing love. God bless you.

 

Rachel: Thanks 4 giving me the opportunity to. Jes let dem knw dat while I don’t encourage pregnancy b4 marriage, if for any reason it happens, dey Shud never lose hope and even while pregnant, a plan B (in terms of finance) Shud be arranged. And FOR OUR PARENTS- dey Shud learn to give their full support…seeing my dad cry really crushed my heart. I contemplated suicide but wen my parents immediately started seeing her as a blessing, it became easy 4 me to heal.

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Happy Mother’s Day To The Forgotten Mothers

 

 

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A little over 3 hours ago, I found out that today was actually another mother’s day while listening to a radio station (sometimes I lose count with the numerous mother’s days).

Another Mother’s day comes with another opportunity to celebrate the angels we have in human form. The special set of human beings that carried us for nine months, went through the excruciating pain of labour, stayed up all night while her mates slept just to make sure we were well taken care of.

There are super women all around the world that need no introduction and should be celebrated every single day and even more so on mother’s day. Happy Mother’s day to everyone of them.

However……….

My mother’s day shout out this year goes to a special set of mothers. The mothers often get ignored when mother’s day celebrations are held due to the circumstances surrounding their pregnancy and childbirth.

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These are mothers who received the news of their pregnancy with tears of pain and regret instead of the tears of joy and expectation that women in committed relationships receive theirs with.

These are the mothers that contemplate abortion in a bid to hide the shame of having a child out of wedlock. The shame that would label them a family disgrace. The shame that could derail their education (for those still in school). The shame that would make getting married in the future an even more herculean task. Finding a suitable husband is hard enough without the tag of “single mother” hanging over one’s head.

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These are the mothers that are often denied the joy and euphoria that comes with carrying a human being inside their wombs. The mothers that are often denied the loving, comforting and caring support of the father of the child who in most cases absconds from his responsibilities, denies paternity or even blames her for not aborting the baby.

These are the mothers that are often denied the support system of their parents who brand them a disgrace for having a child out of wedlock and for bringing disgrace to the family.

These are the mothers that are often ridiculed in the society for their status as “baby mamas”.

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These are the mothers that in most cases get their lives disrupted and  dreams derailed due to the arrival of these unexpected bundles of joy (children).

The mothers that end up taking care of these children on their own with little or no financial help from outside.

But all in all…..

These mothers still love and adore their children every other mother does. These mothers endure the ridicule and shame to nurture these children and make sure they grow up with enough love to last them a life time. These mothers although haven their life dreams delayed make sure these children never have to go through what they went through. These mothers would work two jobs or extra shifts to make sure their children get everything they need.

Girls get pregnant and have first babies very early, before the age of 18. They become women when still too young, taking responsibilities as adults.

As we celebrate mothers around the world today, we should look at these “forgotten” mothers with love and most importantly: RESPECT.

For one could ridicule them for their mistake but as the Bible says “let ye that is without sin caste the first stone”.
For another could chastise them for having a child out of wedlock but at least they had the frame of mind to caste away the option of abortion (there is barely any sexually active girl that has never aborted).

To the single mothers out there. The forgotten mothers. The mothers that played and continue to play the double role of father and mother. Happy Mother’s day to you.slide_411226_5180060_free

 

Photo credit: Paolo Patruno for The Huffington Post. Click HERE to see Stunning Photos Of Teen Moms’ Struggles In Cameroon.

15 Reasons A Man Should Marry Early

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It’s no secret that African men tend to get married well into their 30’s with excuses like “I haven’t found the right woman” and “I want to focus on my career first before getting married” among the pyramid of excuses they give for their delay. This article looks to address the benefits of getting married to the right person on time (before 30).

1. Obtain Favour: One of the most profound passages of marriage in the Bible is in Proverbs 18:22 which reads “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord”. It is as if God was telling a man that instead of hustling, working over time, praying and fasting for money…simply get married and I will favour you. While researching the richest men in Nigeria I noticed a trend: all are married and became richer after marriage. Getting married opens a man’s to Heavenly open doors and the sooner the better.

2. A woman’s prayer: Every sensible man knows that a woman’s prayer is more important for his life than the prayers of a thousand pastors. While growing up, a boy is held by the prayers of his mother but as soon as he gets married, the baton is passed unto the new most important woman in his life: his wife. It’s a wife’s prayer that is the catalyst a man needs to move from a mere bread winner to job creator. A poor man is synonymous to a prayer less wife.

3. Helper/Advisor/Business Partner: In Genesis 2:7, God formed Adam from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breathe of life, and the man became a living being (Adam was born). In Genesis 2:15, God took Adam and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Adam got a job). In Genesis 2:18, God thought “it is not good for Adam to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”. But instead of giving Adam a wife, God engaged Adam in more work by asking him to name the animals in Genesis 2:19. After all this, no suitable helper was found which prompted God to form his soulmate (Eve) in Genesis 2:21-23. The story shows that even with work, a man is never complete without his wife and work cannot be a substitute for a woman’s affection, love and care.  A wife is a man’s number one advisor, a man’s business partner and helper.

4. A woman’s intuition: While men are born with only five senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch), women on the other hand are born with six senses. The sixth sense most women have is intuition. A woman’s intuition is the most powerful force there is. Intuition is something that every woman has where she just knows when something is bad or wrong or when something is profitable. It is that gut feeling telling her something about something or somebody. It may come in the form of a dream, deja vu, a funny feeling, all three or something else. Men have intuition but women have a truck load of it. So a godly wife with intuition is a man’s insurance policy to avoid making the wrong business decisions.

5. Fight together: As powerful as the US Army is, they sort for the assistance of the British Army to execute their war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan. As powerful as the British Army was, they needed the assistance of the US Army to successfully defeat the Adolf Hitler led Nazi Germany.
As powerful as the President is, he still requires the services of the Vice President to govern a nation.
In this respect, no matter how successful a man is, he needs a woman to make an impact. A single man fights alone but a married man has the fighting prowess and weaponry of two forces. Deuteronomy 32:30 “one can chase a thousand but two chases ten thousand”.

6. Avoid fornication: One of the major downfalls of men in this modern age is sexually connected. Women have been used to bring the downfall of many budding men with sex as a major tool for this destruction. A man’s weak point has always been his libido and getting married on time makes having sex with his wife legitimate and right in the eyes of God.

7. Gain respect: Whether or not we come accept this, married people are more respected in society than their unmarried counterparts. No matter how successful a man is, marriage gives him that crown, that jewel, that anointing, that respect that single men would find hard to come by. The ring on a man’s hand distinguishes him and stand him out from the crowd (the undecided bunch of bachelors).

8. Focus: An unmarried man is not totally focused because he is yet to settle down. Today he is dating Sade, tomorrow its Nkechi he wants to marry, next month he is introduced to Aisha who his mum thinks is the best woman for him. Marriage helps a man focus on the most important thing: family. The sooner the better.

9. Family burden: One of the most annoying aspects of being an old bachelor is the “when are you getting married?” birage of questions you will receive from friends and family. A single man’s mother gets the same “when is your son getting married?” question from her friends and she inturn transfers the aggression to him. When this line of questioning fails to heed dividends, the “when will I carry my grandchild?” line of questioning is introduced.

10. Look good: I don’t know about other men but as a single man I am a pathetic dresser. Sometimes I find it hard to iron my clothes or even know where I kept my favorite pair of boxers *wink*. My sense of color combination is so poor that I have resolved to wearing only black shoes to avoid color rioting. Imagine all this chaos as a single man and then steps into my life a woman to polish my outlook. She takes care of my clothes, helps get them ready for the next day, chooses the right combination and makes sure I look good for her. Marriage just has to look good on me..lol

11. Play with your kids: I remember watching the charity football match where my mentor 40 year old David Beckham played with his 16 year old son Brooklyn Beckham. This is the beauty of getting married early so you can be strong enough to play with your children not holding a walking stick when your kids are still playing at the backyard.
There is nothing more beautiful than a father taking his daughter out on a date and strange people assuming they are dating because of how young he looks (my dream). Don’t take your daughter out and get strange people thinking you are her sugar daddy because of how old you look compared to her.

12. Retire early: One of the most priceless reasons to get married early is to retire early. A dear friend of mine was an only child for about 13 years after her parents separated. Her dad later remarried and now has two kids (aged eleven and eight). Her dad recently was retired from the Navy and should be home relaxing and sipping juice while reading his favorite newspaper while receiving  his retirement pay on a monthly basis because his daughter (my friend) has finished school and marriage is on the horizon. But due to the fact that he has two children from his second marriage, he has to work to make sure he makes enough to take care of them. Getting married early means giving birth early and in turn taking care of your children early. Marry early and at 60 years, all your kids are married instead of marrying late and at 60 years, your children are still in Secondary school.

13. Generational Children: Let’s take for example, two centenarians (both over 100 years). Papa Jide got married at 25 years old and gave birth to Jennifer at 26 years old. His daughter got married when her father was 50 years old and gave birth to Ronke (Papa Jide’s grand daughter) when Papa Jide was 52 years old. Jennifer’s daughter Ronke (Papa Jide’s grand child) got married and gave birth to Asa (Papa Jide great grand daughter) when Papa Jide was 79 years old. At 103 years old, Papa Jide is expecting his great great grand child.
On the other hand, Papa Uche (the baddest business man in Onitsha before the war) got married at 45 years old because of business and gave birth to Juliet at 46 years old. Juliet gave birth to Ikechukwu (Papa Uche’s grand son) when Papa Uche was 76 years old and now that Papa Uche is 102, he is just expecting his first great grand son. Whereas Papa Jide who got married on time would see his fourth generation, Papa Uche (the baddest business man in Onitsha before the war) will be fortunate to see his third generation. PLEASE MARRY EARLY…lol

14 Youthfulness: Getting married early and giving birth on time not only gives a woman youthful looks but also gives a man a refreshing look. He sorts his children’s education on time and enjoys his latter days relaxing. Instead of hustling to put food on the table, his grownups kids are in turn taking care of him early not when he is aged and about to die.

15. Eat well: As a bachelor leaving on my own, I now appreciate my mother’s food. I am a good cook don’t get me wrong but nothing beats a woman’s meal anyday anytime. People keep getting at me with how skinny I am but I keep asking them to wait till I get married and watch how my wife’s meals would fatten me up. Just wait..lol

 

LAST WORD: Look at the picture above and make sure that is you holding your grand daughter not your daughter. Cheers.

The Pregnancy Story: Mrs Jolomi Odusi

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“Jolomi don born, she born boy” were the words that greeted me this morning as I arrived work. We weren’t expecting her to give birth till later in the month so I was so shocked/elated/happy that I didn’t know when I threw my bag into the office, jumped in the air and screamed for joy. “Guy, hope all is well? Why you dey shout?” were the words that brought me back to Earth. “Oga you never hear? Jolomi just born”, I replied the CSO (Chief Security Officer) of the company.

Jolomi might just be a colleague at work but she was my favorite colleague married to one of my favorite guys working in a partner company.
I had just joined the company when I became endeared to her because of her feisty nature. She is like the lion in a sheep’s costume. You don’t want to be caught in her web when she gets angry. The customers know her for that. She got married last December and I was there as her unofficial photographer (I had a good camera so decided to form busy body taking pictures). Fast forward a few months after the wedding and Jolomi don get belle. Her name in the office changed to “shooting essential” which was a loose name acknowledging her and her husband’s speedy transition from newly wedded to future parents.

I don’t think I have ever followed a pregnant mother’s progress during pregnancy like I did hers. It was from her I learnt about the pressure of “carrying belle” for the first time. From back aches, to constant urination to frequent favors (the can’t-you-see-she’s-pregnant kinda favors).

We used to tease her occasionally, calling her Mama Ibeji or Mama Ejima (twins) and she would reply with a stern look on her face “I have gone for scan and its just one baby, I don’t want twins o. I never finish with one, na two you wan dash me. I no want. One is enough”. That didn’t stop us from teasing her with the news of her upcoming “twins” or “triplets”, if you want to provoke her.

Pregnancy seems to make a family see life differently. The man prepares for a life with an extra mouth to feed or should I say a diaper to change. He also prepares for life without the sole attention of his wife (she has to give small baby more attention than big baby). He prepares for extra bills, naming ceremony, day care bills etc. The woman on the other hand prepares for the upcoming and ultimate test of her femininity, the test that Eve (Adam’s wife) brought upon all mothers. She prepares for a pampered vacation (leave) usually 3 months for working class ladies.

So back to the when I heard she had just put to bed. I dropped my bag even before entering the office, asked for directions to the hospital which luckily was just 5 minutes walk from the office. I wasn’t the type to stroll taking my time to the hospital. I jogged/ran with such vigor that you would have thought something was chasing me. I arrived at the hospital almost out of breathe and saw a few women gathered around a new born baby. “Where is the new mother though?”, I thought to myself. Looking around in hot anticipation, I sighted the new mother casually seated like one of the women that came to see her. I hugged her and kissed baby while standing in awe of God’s faithfulness.

I was in the midst of mothers (the new mother, her mum and her mother friends) so I was out of my depth so decided to shut up and bask in the motherly euphoria that enveloped the maternity ward of the hospital. Then the when-I-was-pregnant tales began with the mother describing how she gave birth way before schedule.

She commenced, “….so three different tests run by 3 different hospitals told me that my delivery date would be sometime late this month or early December so I wasn’t expecting to go into labor anytime soon. I came to see my mum and slept over but at night I just felt the baby kicking more than usual. Why is this baby disturbing me this night like this, I thought to myself. I didn’t take it serious until the punches and kicks became more intense and I knew something was up. I decided to stand and see if the pain would subside when all of a sudden, the much anticipated and talked about ” water breaking” moment happened. I screamed for my sister and next thing I knew I was at the hospital.
All I remember was being on my wrapper with the mindset that I would deliver my baby with decency but when the pain held my waist, I didn’t know when I threw the wrapper away and was totally nude begging the mid wife to take this baby out asap. I heard her say “PUSH”. I tried pushing but the pain persisted like my whole waist was about pulling off so I closed my legs in defiance. After a little while, baby came out of me and my composure was restored and just like Adam and Eve did in the Bible, I realized I was naked and covered myself. The amazing part is that it’s less than 6 hours since I put to bed and I feel very fine without any pains. Thank God for safe and painless delivery”.

Marriage is wonderful but parenthood is a different experience entirely. I will experience both one day but while I wait, let me use this opportunity those that have gone before me. Congratulations to the Mr. Bamidele Odusi, Mrs Jolomi Odusi and the entire Odusi and Oruwigho families.

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