Date Your Wife and Marry Your Girlfriend

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“Date your wife and marry your girlfriend” – Kurtis Smith, 2015

I can’t stress the above quote enough. Let me break it down.

Date your wife: Most people enter into relationships for various reasons. For companionship, to be taken care of (women are mostly guilty of this), for the sex (men raise your hands), for social acceptance, to blend in or even because of boredom. Only a fraction of relationships that start on such shaky grounds ever reach the altar and even so only a small percentage of them last 10 years happily.

But imagine, a man sees a woman in her flaws and envisions “forever after” with her. He looks out for her best interest at heart. Builds her. Supports her. Forgives her. Loves and cherishes her. He is dating his wife.

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Marry your girlfriend: Then they get married. From that wedding day, the title changes from wife to girlfriend. We have made the title “wife” heavy with too much responsibility. A wife should be this. A wife should be that. Too much pressure. Instead he treats her like his girlfriend. He doesn’t make her to wash/clean/cook and all those wifely mumbo jumbo. He takes her on dates, makes love to her anywhere and everywhere, spoils her, cocoons her in unbinding love. He is married to his girlfriend.

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So remember, when next you envision marriage. Try it the other way around. Date your husband and marry your boyfriend. YOLO should actually be YOMO. You Only Marry Once.  Don’t make divorce an option. Marry your boyfriend/girlfriend today.

#CoupleGoals: IG—>>>> @timi_dorgu and @ife_x.

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Why A Man Should Not Help His Woman

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Schooling abroad taught me one major lesson about life. That “if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else would”. I wasn’t satisfied with depending on my parents for my daily upkeep so had to get a factory job in the UK and that meant cutting expenses which resulted in learning how to take proper care of myself from scratch.

I learnt how to cook and prepare my meals and take proper care of my house.

This lesson transcended into my love life. I preferred cooking my meals, wash my clothes myself, clean my house and take care of myself. Some lazy girls didn’t bother, less work for them but others found it odd.

“A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked, talking about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”

He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad U help your wife, I do not help because when I do my wife does not praise. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”

I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” as household chores.

I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.

I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.

I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.

I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.

I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing in her children, cooking, organizing, etc. U said thank you
But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!

Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least a prize of excellence with great glory … why? You never thought about that, my friend?

Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.

Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs … Feel at home. In his house.

The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship!”


Note: First three paragraphs are mine. The rest was lifted from Tee Edwards’ post titled “I do not help my wife” on Facebook.


Let us give her a hand. Let us behave like true companions. Let us not behave like guests who only come to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs other needs. Let us start feeling at home in our own house.

When A Man Loves A Woman


Love to a man is simply finding solace in the arms of the woman he loves.


An encourager that can ‘show’ him that he can do it.

An advisor that can help him plan a way out of any situation.

A helper who would help him take care of the family when he is busy working.

A manager who helps manage his funds and not waste it extravagantly.

A ‘painkiller’ that miracoulsy dissolves every of his pain and worry.

A comforter who provides consolation when a business deal doesn’t go as planned.

A prayer warrior who prays her man’s dreams into reality.


Love to a man is feeling secure (finding peace) in his woman’s arms.

Don’t just be a woman that loves a man, be a woman that a man can love.
In the lyrics of Michael Bolton’s ever green song “When a Man Loves a Woman”

“When a man loves a woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else
He’d trade the world
For a good thing he’s found”

“When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way
It ought to be”.

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What is New About Your Love Life?


You are both in love, that’s not new.
You talk to each other every day, that’s not new.
You lovebirds can’t stand being away from each other, nothing new.
You have unbridled, wild and sometimes steamy sex, still not new.

What’s new about your relationship with God pertaining to your relationship with him/her?

Has dating him taken you farther away from God or closer to God?

Has dating her strengthened your faith and resolve in God?

Has dating him made you worry more or worry less?

Has your “new” relationship increased your attendance in church and Godly activities or has it made going to church a burden?

Has being intertwined in your relationship entwined you in sin?

Has your relationship improved your Bible study hours or made your Bible a fashion accessory for only Sundays?

Do you both discuss sex more than God in your relationship?

Has “Good in bed” become your priority in choosing a date instead of “God lover”???

A relationSHIP without God is like a ship without a rudder, it’s going nowhere meaningful.

A relationSHIP that isn’t God centered will crash and it’s occupants will drown in sin.

Evaluate your love life now and make “God” the priority. If he is not in, he can use the door!!!!


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7 Relationship Lessons Mosquitoes Teach Daily


After the torrid time I had last night trying to sleep with the added discomfort of mosquito bites and those annoying mosquito sounds all up in my ears. I woke up with three pertinent questions to ask God.

So I began……

“God, why did You make mosquitoes?”


He didn’t answer, so I asked my follow up question.

“God, why didn’t Adam just swat them when he had the chance instead of naming them?”

God still kept quiet, then I asked the last and final question.

“God, but why did Noah have to bring along father and mother mosquitoe into the ark?”


I’m sure I made God laugh in Heaven but it was not a joking matter to me.

These questions have plagued mankind for generations with no concrete answers in sight.

Seriously, of what use are mosquitoes?

When all they do is transmit diseases (malaria, dengue fever, yellow fever, encephalitis and the dreaded zika virus)?????


It was in this despair that I decided to foolishly bring up relationship lessons from my/our ordeal with mosquitoes.

Who sent me?

Let’s begin.

1. Stagnant water: Mosquitoes spend their first 10 days in water, mostly stagnant, smelly water. Water is necessary for the eggs to hatch into larvae, called wigglers. Wigglers feed on organic matter in stagnant water and breathe oxygen from the surface. They develop into pupae, which do not feed and are partially encased in cocoons. Over several days, the pupae change into adult mosquitoes and begin evoking havoc on people.


In relationships and marriage, stagnant water signifies strife, unsettled grievances, bitterness and malice. When these forms of stagnant water are allowed to fester and are not resolved, it gives room for the birth of larvea (not talking to each other for a while), wigglers (bad mouthing one another), pupae (insults and raised voices), cocoons (physical confrontation and a shouting match) and then mosquitoes (separation or divorce).

Don’t give stagnant water space in your relationships, make sure to breathe fresh life into your relationships every time a party feels offended or betrayed. Talk to each other, resolve issues like grown-ups and move on. Remember, saying sorry and meaning it is like discarding bad water and replacing it with fresh water. It keeps the mosquitoes of separation away.

2. Blood covenant:

Are you aware that male mosquitoes don’t bite?

Yes, only female mosquitoes bite (women and their

Mosquitoes mean nothing personal when they bite you and take your blood. Female mosquitoes need protein for their eggs, and must take a blood meal in order to reproduce. Since males don’t bear the burden of producing, they’ll avoid you completely and instead focus on flowers.375718adbbbdb00e6f2041f09edb8337

In relationships and mostly in  marriage, the person in control of the happenings in the union is the woman. Not only is the woman the care taker, she’s the mother, the cook, the wife, the cleaner, the mentor, the encourager, the supervisor and many more. But more powerful as shown by the biting prowess of the female mosquitoe is the power of her tongue.


A woman can use her tongue to make her family or tear it down. She can use her mouth to make a man feel important and appreciated or use that same mouth to belittle him and make him feel worthless. She can use her words to make him happy enough to buy her anything or angry enough to beat her black and blue. A woman can use her words to edify or use her words to shame and embarrass. A woman can use her words to make a man feel ten feet high or make him feel empty and useless. A woman can use her words to build and use her words to demolish. A woman can use her mouth to pray or use her mouth to curse. The real power of unity, love, oneness, strength doesn’t lie with the man, it lies in the woman’s mouth.


Remember, female mosquitoes suck blood with their mouth. Bad mouthed women could suck the life (blood) out of their relationships with their ill guided utterances.

3. The balls of patient: A wise cheeky man once said, when a mosquito lands on a man’s testicles, that’s when he realizes that there is always a way to solve a problem without using violence. No man would be angry enough to slap his balls because he wants to kill a mosquito. That would be tantamount to suicide…lol.


So why would a man in a relationship be so eager to lay his hands on his woman. A woman he claims to love and adore. A woman he cherishes and promised to protect. A woman he singled out among other ladies and promised to love and adore for the rest of his days. A woman that has become one flesh with him according to Biblical wisdom.


If you can exercise patience enough not to use violence to handle the mosquito on your balls, the same mosquito you despise and wish dead. How about handling the attack on your pride and masculinity by your woman with more patience and panache.

4. Little issue: It’s no longer news that the biggest killer disease in the World is not the incurable AIDS or even cancer. According to WHO, in 2015, there were roughly 212 million malaria cases and an estimated 429, 000 malaria deaths.

So get this picture, death caused by lions, dogs, terrorism, cancer combined pale in comparison to death by just malaria alone.

So a little mosquito causes so much havoc. Just that little mosquito.


That little habit could be the killer of your relationship. That habit of being unappreciative. That nagging habit. That smoking habit. That drinking habit. That womanizing habit. That gossiping habit. That shouting habit. It’s time you kill that little fly before it kills your love life.


Are you aware that the name ‘mosquito’ is from a Spanish word meaning ‘little fly’?

Neither do I…..

5. Clap your hands o ye people: I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel mosquitoes intentionally sing in your ears so you could try killing them and when you miss, you end up unintentionally applauding them for their effort in making horrendous and annoying ‘music’.


How often do we appreciate our partners? We have become too familiar with our spouses that we take them for granted.
When last did you thank your husband for bringing money for food? It’s his responsibility to provide but it’s also your responsibly to appreciate and encourage him.

When last did you appreciate your wife for her efforts in taking care of the children? It’s her duty alright but it’s also your duty to appreciate and encourage her.
When last did you speak words of encouragement to your children for their good behavior and good grades?


Do we get too ‘familiar’ with each other that we take one another for granted?

Don’t get caught up in that web of over familiarity.

6. The flowers: As we pointed out at the beginning of this article, female mosquitoes are the ones that bite and suck blood. Male mosquitoes on the other hand don’t need blood so they instead feast on flowers. I’m sure they take some of those flowers to their blood sucking wives as a sign of


Talking about flowers, how often do you serenade your woman with surprise dinners, gifts, paying for something she wants? It mustn’t be only on her birthday or Valentine’s day you know? Just be attentive. She admires a shoe in a magazine, buy it, wrap it and bring it home. Get her expensive designer undies. Buy her a new phone when hers keeps visiting the phone repairers shop too often. Cook for her. Serenade your woman, dammit.

Take a cue from Adam whose first words after seeing Eve were “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh”. Adam knew how to serenade his woman, don’t be a waste.

7. Stop breathing: Mosquitoes detect carbon dioxide in the air, so the more you breathe, the more likely you are to become a blood meal. Carbon dioxide clues the mosquitoes in to the presence of a living, breathing, blood-pumping animal nearby. Once they sense it, mosquitoes usually fly in a zigzag pattern through the CO2 plume until they locate the source. So to avoid mosquito bites, stop breathing. lol


There is one thing without which a relationship is destined for the pages of history; lack of trust. So what’s the carbon dioxide (fuel) for lack of trust?

Let me introduce you to these three evil brothers: Gossip, Hearsay and Rumors.

To protect your relationship, maintain your trust and keep your sanity, stay away from gossip mongers. You know those that always have an opinion of people’s relationship issues, those that will always see your boyfriend with another girl, those that will always sense that your boo has another boo. Stay away from these parasitic human beings, they have a way of making you even suspicious of yourself.


So there you have it.

Seven ways mosquitoes are the best relationship advisers ever biteth liveth.


When Your Enemies Are Just Bloody Tomatoes


A teacher asked her students to bring some tomatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each tomato was to be given the name of a person whom that child hates. So, the number of tomatoes would be equal to the number of persons they hate.

On a pre-determined day, the children brought their tomatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had five, some even had 20 tomatoes in accordance with the number of people they hated.

The teacher then told them they had to carry the tomatoes with them everywhere they go for two weeks. As the days passed the children started to complain about the decay and smell of the tomatoes. The students who had many tomatoes complained it was very heavy to carry and the smell was too much.

After a week, the teacher asked the students “How did you feel this week?”

The children complained of the awful smell and heavy weight of the tomatoes, especially those who carried several tomatoes.

The teacher said, “This is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you don’t like some people. Hatred makes the heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred everywhere. If you can’t bear the smell of spoilt tomatoes for a week, imagine the impact of bitterness on your heart as you carry it daily.”

The heart is a beautiful garden that needs regular cleaning of unwanted weeds. Forgive those who have angered you. This makes room for storing good things.

As this year ends, do a self check-up and see if there is bitterness, envy, unforgiveness in your fragile heart. Unforgivingness is like choosing to stay trapped in a cell for the crime committed by someone else.

As Lewis Smedes once said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the past but it brightenes your future. If you are bitter against anybody it means the person has gotten the best of you and that means he/she has won. Don’t let them win. Let it go.

Remember, one of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything everynight before you go to bed – Bernard Baruch.

Forgive others as quickly as you want God to forgive you.

Forgiveness is not a feeling – it’s a decision we make because we want to do what’s right before God – Joyce Meyer.

Remember to let go and let God.

A 9ice Way To Get Rid Of Payne


In 2006, Toni Payne and Abolore Ajifolajifaola (9ice) met through a mutual friend Michael Stephens (Rugged Man) and got married on Thursday July 17, 2008 but had a particularly messy breakup when they separated 6 years ago.

They got divorced after 18 months of marriage and details of their marriage (and divorce) was played out messily in the media. At first public sympathy was on Toni’s side with many accusing 9ice of dumping his wife after making money. Others said he was beating his wife and chasing other women. But after the release of 9ice’s album, Tradition, people started pointing accusing fingers at Tony Payne and Rugged Man as true causes of their break-up. People alleged 9ice caught her in bed with a friend of his as the lyrics in his song, “Once Beaten Twice Shy” suggested. In the song, 9ice said he caught a lover giving his friend oral sex. Tongues started wagging and people alleged it was Ruggedman the singer was referring to.
While people accused Toni Payne of infidelity, 9ice kept shut and made no move to correct people’s impression of Toni Payne with the media accusing her of being a cheat and the cause of her marriage’s collapse.

After about 10 years since they met, 8 years since they got married and 6 years since their messy breakup and with tons of water under the bridge, Toni Payne shared the most powerful message about forgiveness, closure and moving on that you may ever read this year. So touching was the message that I am led to share her words verbatim with the hope that her message would touch someone’s heart who is struggling with forgiveness and moving on.

It has been a good 6 years and now I can categorically say I have let go of all bitterness and hate I felt for a man I once loved. It has been an uphill journey but to find myself here is a blessing.

Without getting into detail and backtracking too much, I’ll summarize it as a lot of naivety, a lot of bad decisions, and a lot of untrained media professionals ready to blow things out of proportion. A man sang a song and for whatever reason known to them, Nigerian Media “professionals” decided to tag it as what it was not, and a lot of Nigerian onlookers decided to help spread it without knowing if it was true or not and unfortunately for me, I was caught in the crossfire. A lot of people formed opinions about me, some even hate me till today for something that was mere fiction. Such is life right?

Till today, I still wonder how things got that far. I wonder how things got so nasty. I wonder how a once beautiful relationship turned so sour so quickly.

These days, we talk – a lot. We talk about what happened and how we got here. These days, we can now joke and laugh about the past. I ask a lot of questions because I really want to understand him and put myself in his shoes. I also hope he understands my every reaction and puts himself in my shoes.

Through all the mess, we never really talked deeply about things. There was too much resentment on my side for me to want to allow him in. There was too much bitterness in my soul to ever want to forgive. I honestly never thought this day would come – that is how angry I was. There is a Yoruba proverb that states “when the ocean rises, you don’t rise to meet it.” For every action there is a reaction and for every reaction there are consequences.

I think sometimes, when you are finally in a good place, it is good to talk. Don’t just leave things like that, reach out to each other and talk about things. It is good for both parties to get closure. It is good to try to understand each other and move on with peace in your heart.

He stands by his reasoning that he never mentioned my name or ever accused me of such, and even though I agree with him that he never accused me of anything, I stand by my reasoning that he still should have defended me against a very wicked rumor. He argues that he felt it would have escalated things, I argue that things got escalated because he did not speak up.

We both believed in our decisions at that point. He felt silence was the best answer, I felt I needed to defend myself for posterity sake. At the end of the day, it is what it is. When the noise calms, we still have to deal with each other. When the curtains fall, we still need to have each others best interest at heart.

I am not perfect but I can categorically say I did my best to be a good woman to him. I still do. I believe deep down inside, he knows this. I do all possible best never to speak ill of him publicly – and as far as I know, he does the same for me.

After everything we went through, I always say it is best to keep your private life private. I write this today not to deviate from that but it would be unfair to forgive wholesomely for something that was so “Public” while leaving the impression that I have not. I know a lot of people think I hate him- I don’t!.

I also write this today not to bring up the past but to go on record and let anyone that feels bitter inside know that it only gets better. Trust me, if I can move on from an entire nation thinking I cheated when I did not, you can also forgive whomever hurt you. Just let love and kindness in your heart. Bitterness is a heavy weight to carry and now I feel 100 times lighter.

I believe the younger ones can learn a lot from our errors and most importantly learn about forgiveness. In life, we can only predict what we want from it, we can never ever guess 100% what it will give us. I spent so many years caring what others think till I realized in this life, the opinion of others is just that – an opinion. I believe I am starting my 2016 off in the right direction. I hope to work on forgiving others who contributed to this chapter in my story. I believe this is a great place to start. At the end of the day, we are family and I am eternally grateful for the grace to see this day.



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