Date Your Wife and Marry Your Girlfriend

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“Date your wife and marry your girlfriend” – Kurtis Smith, 2015

I can’t stress the above quote enough. Let me break it down.

Date your wife: Most people enter into relationships for various reasons. For companionship, to be taken care of (women are mostly guilty of this), for the sex (men raise your hands), for social acceptance, to blend in or even because of boredom. Only a fraction of relationships that start on such shaky grounds ever reach the altar and even so only a small percentage of them last 10 years happily.

But imagine, a man sees a woman in her flaws and envisions “forever after” with her. He looks out for her best interest at heart. Builds her. Supports her. Forgives her. Loves and cherishes her. He is dating his wife.

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Marry your girlfriend: Then they get married. From that wedding day, the title changes from wife to girlfriend. We have made the title “wife” heavy with too much responsibility. A wife should be this. A wife should be that. Too much pressure. Instead he treats her like his girlfriend. He doesn’t make her to wash/clean/cook and all those wifely mumbo jumbo. He takes her on dates, makes love to her anywhere and everywhere, spoils her, cocoons her in unbinding love. He is married to his girlfriend.

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So remember, when next you envision marriage. Try it the other way around. Date your husband and marry your boyfriend. YOLO should actually be YOMO. You Only Marry Once.  Don’t make divorce an option. Marry your boyfriend/girlfriend today.

#CoupleGoals: IG—>>>> @timi_dorgu and @ife_x.

Please follow the blog on IG: chiefKurtisblog

Why A Man Should Not Help His Woman

my helper

Schooling abroad taught me one major lesson about life. That “if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else would”. I wasn’t satisfied with depending on my parents for my daily upkeep so had to get a factory job in the UK and that meant cutting expenses which resulted in learning how to take proper care of myself from scratch.

I learnt how to cook and prepare my meals and take proper care of my house.

This lesson transcended into my love life. I preferred cooking my meals, wash my clothes myself, clean my house and take care of myself. Some lazy girls didn’t bother, less work for them but others found it odd.

“A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked, talking about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”

He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad U help your wife, I do not help because when I do my wife does not praise. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”

I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” as household chores.

I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.

I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.

I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.

I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.

I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing in her children, cooking, organizing, etc. U said thank you
But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!

Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least a prize of excellence with great glory … why? You never thought about that, my friend?

Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.

Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs … Feel at home. In his house.

The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship!”


Note: First three paragraphs are mine. The rest was lifted from Tee Edwards’ post titled “I do not help my wife” on Facebook.


Let us give her a hand. Let us behave like true companions. Let us not behave like guests who only come to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs other needs. Let us start feeling at home in our own house.

When A Man Loves A Woman


Love to a man is simply finding solace in the arms of the woman he loves.


An encourager that can ‘show’ him that he can do it.

An advisor that can help him plan a way out of any situation.

A helper who would help him take care of the family when he is busy working.

A manager who helps manage his funds and not waste it extravagantly.

A ‘painkiller’ that miracoulsy dissolves every of his pain and worry.

A comforter who provides consolation when a business deal doesn’t go as planned.

A prayer warrior who prays her man’s dreams into reality.


Love to a man is feeling secure (finding peace) in his woman’s arms.

Don’t just be a woman that loves a man, be a woman that a man can love.
In the lyrics of Michael Bolton’s ever green song “When a Man Loves a Woman”

“When a man loves a woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else
He’d trade the world
For a good thing he’s found”

“When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way
It ought to be”.

Please follow the blog on IG: @chiefkurtisblog

When Two Shall Become One

tied together

This is what they mean when they say “two shall become one”. .

Tied together in good times and in bad times.

Tied together when he looses his job and savings are getting depleted.

Tied together when she on her period or not just in the mood for sex.

Tied together when she gains weight during pregnancy and fails to loose much of it after birth.

Tied together when he becomes frustrated with business and looking for an escape route.

Tied together when his favourite football team looses and she can’t laugh because she’s also a fan by default.

Tied together when her breasts begin to sag and his dick begins to lose erection.
Tied together when he cheats on her or when she sneaks around.

Tied together when the kids becomes their number one priority.

Tied together even when children aren’t forth coming and the doctors see no fault in both parties.

Remember, before you get married, are you ready to be tied to your partner till death do you part?

Why A Jobless Man Should Not Marry


MOVIE TITLE: The Life of a man

Scene 1:
After God had finished creating the Heavens and the Earth, day and night, flowers and animals in all its beauty in six full days, He decided to take a break on the seventh day.
And then “the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”.
#End of Scene 1
Scene Credit: Genesis 1, Genesis 2:7

Scene 2:
God couldn’t let man stay idle so after God created Adam, He gave him a job to do. “The LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden, to dress it, and to keep it”.
#End of Scene 2
Scene Credit: Genesis 2:15

Scene 3:
After God created man and have him a job, He called a meeting with thr Heavenly beings and said “It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.  And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, he made woman, and brought her to the man”.
#End of Scene 3
Scene Credit: Genesis 2:18,21,22

Scene 4:
So God created man, gave him a job and then gave him a woman. He didn’t force the woman on him. Adam might have woken up and rejected the woman God had given him but he woke up and with love in his heart and a broad smile on his face said “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man”.
#End of Scene 4
Scene credit: Genesis 2:23

Scene 5 (Final Scene):
After man was created, given a job, given a woman, acknowledged his woman then they became one flesh (marriage). “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
End of Scene 5
Scene Credit: Genesis 2:24

God created man, gave him a job, gave him a woman, he fell in love with the woman and they lived happily ever after. And we are aware that our God is a God of order.
It shows that:
God doesn’t expect any man to marry before finding his purpose on Earth.
God doesn’t expect a jobless man to get married.
God expects a man to get a job before he gets a woman to marry.

So for a full fledged man to court a woman, tell her about his intentions for marriage and not be able to take care of her and the family is an anomaly as far as God is concerned.
Love is no excuse for a man to venture into marriage without a job.

As Pastor EA Adeboye deftly put it “Don’t marry a man who has no job. Before God gave Adam Eve, he gave him a job. He said, ‘This is the garden, keep it.’ So when anybody comes to you and says, ‘Sister, thus saith the Lord, you are going to be the star in my firmament,’ ask him — ‘What is your job?’
“If he tells you he is a contractor, ask him to show you evidence of all the contracts he has done because the contract he is talking about is you. He wants to live off you.”
“Don’t be a fool. If he hasn’t got a steady income, don’t marry him. A man is to provide for the house and not the other way round. If he has no income, he should not marry. Those who do not work should not eat. And if they can’t eat, they can’t even marry.”

So as God planned it and as the man of God put it.
Ladies, don’t take a jobless mam proposing marriage serious. He is going against God’s master plan.
Guys, don’t take a woman to the altar if you are not yet gainfully employed. You are going against God’s master plan.


Plot Credit:

Sex, Abortion and Pregnancy; Real Life Stories


The most awkward conversation a child can ever have with his/her parents is the “sex” conversation. I can’t actually remember in detail what my mum and I discussed on that fateful day before heading to Secondary school (dad has NEVER discussed sex with me, seems he just figured that the same way animals learn without being taught, his son will learn without his input). All I can recall from my mum’s very quick sex talk that day was the line “don’t get a girl pregnant”. Those words I never ever forgot.

Sometime in the future and over 10 years since that mother-to-son discussion, the issue of sex came up. Now I was more mature and had just finished University. Commenting on a story she either heard on radio or from one of her many gist-me-I-gist-you friends she said like a woman who meant every word; “Girls nowadays would get pregnant for a man, literally arm twist him into marrying her and they end up having a miserable marriage. My son, please if you have to have sex, use a condom. And remember this, I will not bless any marriage you get the woman pregnant before marrying her. Because more often than not, it’s either the child isn’t yours or you marry her not because you love her but because of the child and that’s a big mistake on its own”.

Those words have stuck by me over the years and no woman born of a woman, dead or alive can lay claim to EVER having a child for me, aborting a child or even missing her period because of me. Never.

In the World we live in today, it’s no secret that children are Heavenly and transform the union of a man and a woman into a family. But this only happens when a woman conceives after marriage not before marriage. When a man marries a woman because she gave birth to his child not because he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her then that marriage is bound to end up in divorce. Doubt me? Ask Americans.

To further buttress my point, two real life examples stand out.

1. Jennifer is a 31 year old lady I call my adopted elder sister. She recently got engaged with her wedding coming up later in the year. The issue is her intentions to get pregnant before marriage because the Doctor detected some anomalies in her womb. In her words “I want to try and get pregnant before we get married because it affords me the opportunity to find out if I can really conceive before getting married”.

2. Jerry is a young man in his late 20s. He is currently in a relationship with Sade who he intends getting married to after she finishes school and he’s more financially buoyant. The issue is that he got another girl (Bimpe) pregnant, she refused to abort a long time ago, she’s almost due and Bimpe’s parents demand he MARRIES her. To add flavor to the story, Bimpe already has a 6 year old child for another man and Sade is unaware of her boyfriend’s “predicament”.

Both are true stories with the names changed for confidentiality purposes.

So this is a summary of both stories, a girl wants to get pregnant before marriage just to ascertain her child bearing potency while another girl is intent on using a child to tie down another guy.

My advice to Jennifer:
Babe, to start with, you are a devout member of a Bible believing church which will never wed a couple with a pregnant bride.
Secondly, as a Christian with knowledge of the tenets of Christianity, you are aware that sex before marriage and pregnancy before marriage is a sin.
Thirdly, getting married is not to bear children but to spend the rest of your life with the love of your life. Children are an addition not a must have. (People happily adopt for crying out loud).
Another important point is a result of the “experiment” to get pregnant. So what happens if you try getting pregnant days before the wedding and fail. Would he still intend going ahead with the wedding?
What if you get pregnant and he ends up changing his mind about getting married to you? What then happens to the child?
Lastly, as a God believing Christian, you are aware that children are a heritage of God (Psalms 127:3-5), children are a “good thing” and God would never deny His sons and daughters good things (Psalms 84:11) and finally the Bible says in Exodus 23:26 that “none will miscarry or be barren in your land”. So babe, after all these assurances, instead of believing in the Doctor’s report why not believe in God’s report that you will have a child. Get married and have a child. Not have a child then get married.

My advice to Jerry:
For starters, having a child outside wedlock isn’t advisable but it isn’t the end of the World. Children are beautiful and amazing creatures. I know single mothers who intended aborting their babies but after childbirth, these same babies mean the World to these mums. Instead of denying the child, owe up and accept the baby (after a comprehensive paternity test is carried out and you are the father).
Secondly, tell your girlfriend the truth about this child, beg for her forgiveness, tell her of your intentions to be a great father to your child and ask her to help you bring the child up as the other parent.
Thirdly, don’t even contemplate being forced into marrying a woman because she has a child for you. Never. You don’t choose who becomes your child’s mother (could be a one night stand or happen “by mistake”) but you choose who becomes your wife. Never be forced to make that decision.

While advising Jerry and Jennifer, my mum’s words kept ringing in my ears. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, don’t be deceived by thesed clueless celebrities encouraging the baby mama syndrome. Never introduce a child before marriage. Never.

Women and Sex in Marriage


I was having a conversation with a single friend when the issue of sex in marriage came up. She is sexually active but frowns at the slightest sexual approach by her boyfriend. Not because she is being spiritual but to her sex is overrated, painful and a total waste of time. I found her plight quite pitiful but the idea of sex could be rebuffed while unmarried but “what happens when you get married?”, I asked her. She looked lost in thought and replied quiet meekly “the truth is that I don’t know”.


On another day, I was conversing with another friend, this time a married woman who confided in me about her husband’s insatiable sexual appetite. In her words, “I was a virgin when we got married but he wasn’t. I knew I would have to sexually satisfy him as his wife but I never knew the task would be this cumbersome. His appetite is off the chain. I have had to use my period, headache, fever, tiredness, bad mood as excuses to wiggle myself away from his advances but he is no longer letting me off easy. That’s what I signed for when I got married so I have no choice but to carry my”


Does it mean that men are naturally sexually insatiable? That women have to literally work hard to keep up?
Not at all. Read on please.

The story of Felicia (pseudonym) comes to mind to show that women could be the aggressor in this case.
She got married a few years back to the love of her life as she fondly calls him. They have a beautiful baby girl together and they are happy. But she’s not entirely happy though. Her sex life according to her is not blossoming like the family is. Her major concern is her husband’s premature ejaculation (when a man ejaculates too quickly during sex mostly under a few minutes). In her words, “he is very loving in bed but he cums too fast and its very frustrating. Before I even get my groove on, he has finished and it makes me very sad. I would give an arm for him to satisfy me sexually not just make me pregnant”, she concluded.


Is she alone in their quest for sexual satisfaction by her husband? Far from it.

A story I stumbled across making the news recently is that of one Sondra Earle-Kelly in the UK who allegedly battered her husband because he refused to have sex with her. According to Metro UK, 51-year-old Kelly hurled ceramic figurines at her husband when he refused to stop watching TV and make love to her then proceeded to beat him with a pair of nunchucks. Police found blood on the walls of the couple’s apartment when they arrived. Earle-Kelly, who was also said to have taken a tranquiliser tablets over the course of the evening, was charged with aggravated domestic violence and spent the night in a Charlotte, South Carolina police cell.

She literally beat up her husband for not having sex with her. I doubt a Nigerian woman would take things to that extreme but the message is resoundingly clear: sex is important in marriage. Very important I must add.

When getting married, remember the Bible said in 1 Corinthians 7:4 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

That’s the truth, your body is not yours, it belongs to your spouse. If you don’t like sex, please don’t get married to a man with an insatiable appetite. Your period can only offer you respite of three to four days in a month. The remaining 27 days, you are on your own. Remember, spirituality does not cover for sexuality in marriage. Be wise.


Click HERE to read the original story of the women who beat up her husband for not having sex with her.

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