The Smile for the Camera Relationships

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Growing up, I realized quite early that God made my feet annoyingly big. My dad and brothers couldn’t pass down shoes to me because as early as 17, I had outgrown everyone’s shoe size.

During Youth Service, the NYSC officials couldn’t provide me with a shoe that could fit. I wear 46/47 and the most they had in my camp was size 45 so I was the only corper exempted from wearing boots. I wore slippers and my own shoes around the camp. It was that bad.

Have you ever seen a shoe you like but heartbroken that it doesn’t fit?

I go to the market to get shoes and come back depressed. The gorgeous shoes I see aren’t my size but with anger coupled with optimism, I buy one or two that fit a bit.
I wear them out to occasions and get the “beautiful shoe” compliments left, right and center which should be enough to offset the pain my feet is feeling. Right? WRONG!!!
When no one is looking, I find a place to get the damn shoes off, stretch my feet and let them breathe. It’s never worth it.

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Does my shoe struggles sound familiar with some relationship problems?

She’s beautiful, hot and quite presentable. She’s like a trophy wife. People keep gushing about her looks and poise but inside no one knows what you are enduring. She’s difficult to handle. She’s disrespectful. She’s lazy. She’s contentious.
He’s handsome, hardworking and funny with a very healthy bank account. He’s every girl’s dream. Girls are envious of you both and guys are jealous but inside no one knows what you are enduring. He speaks to you in a condescending manner, shouts at will and strikes you when he can’t stand your complaints.

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Let’s look at this “smile for the camera” type of relationships we keep having from another angle.

You are to travel from Abuja to Lagos by road with your family and given two options;
First is an unpainted Sienna bus with a regularly serviced engine, tires and a well-trained driver.
Second is a 2017 Range Rover Sports Utility Vehicle with a faulty engine, tired looking tires and an aggressive Fast and Furious driver.
Which of the automobiles would you choose to travel in?

Easy choice right?

So why do we stay in abusive relationships because of what people will say?
Why do we stay in stale relationships that look good on the outside but toxic on the inside?
Why do we keep managing relationships that are leading to nowhere?
Why do we keep praying for the wrong man to change instead of praying for the right man to find you?
Why do we keep entertaining a promiscuous partner with the excuse that “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t”?
Why do we keep forgiving a partner that slaps and beats you at will because he loves you and maybe “it’s my fault he slapped me”?
Why do we smile for the camera (family, friends, colleagues, social media contacts) like we have a perfect relationship when we are dying on the inside?

saycheese

It’s time you drop what people might think and stand by what you think because at the end of the day, “no one knows where the shoe pinches, but he who wears it.”
Don’t be the sad and bruised girl in a Range Rover Sport looking out of the window and admiring the happy and joyous girl in a taxi.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
Stop sitting on the fence and take that leap of faith.
Who cares what the camera sees when you are hurting in camera (pun intended).
Get out now while you still can.

Say-Cheese-Truck-SOURCE-Meredith-Browndyke-Smith-

What is New About Your Love Life?

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You are both in love, that’s not new.
You talk to each other every day, that’s not new.
You lovebirds can’t stand being away from each other, nothing new.
You have unbridled, wild and sometimes steamy sex, still not new.

What’s new about your relationship with God pertaining to your relationship with him/her?

Has dating him taken you farther away from God or closer to God?

Has dating her strengthened your faith and resolve in God?

Has dating him made you worry more or worry less?

Has your “new” relationship increased your attendance in church and Godly activities or has it made going to church a burden?

Has being intertwined in your relationship entwined you in sin?

Has your relationship improved your Bible study hours or made your Bible a fashion accessory for only Sundays?

Do you both discuss sex more than God in your relationship?

Has “Good in bed” become your priority in choosing a date instead of “God lover”???

A relationSHIP without God is like a ship without a rudder, it’s going nowhere meaningful.

A relationSHIP that isn’t God centered will crash and it’s occupants will drown in sin.

Evaluate your love life now and make “God” the priority. If he is not in, he can use the door!!!!

 

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3 Things Men Want (Part 3): Food and Sex

two bosses

This is a continuation of the series, READ:
Part 1: Respect
Part 2: Space

PART 3: FOOD AND SEX
As the saying goes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. This saying originated from ancient times where the stomach was considered the same region as the groin. In reality, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and his penis.


¤ GOOD FOOD:
Going through a man’s stomach to win his heart entails a lady feeding him regularly and then gradually gaining his attraction which may then result to winning his heart. For instance: Imagine coming back home after a stressful day at work and stepping into the house smelling of your favorite food, let’s say pounded yam/fufu and oha soup (which is my favorite food) with stock fish, fried meat and snail fighting for space in the bowl. Regardless of how frustrating the day might have been, the smell of this delicacy will make it all go away.
Who made this sweet food? My wife! Not the cook, not the house girl, not my sister-in-law, not my mother-in-law but my wife. It’s really not only about the food (although it counts) but also about the following things:

1. The Thought: It’s always the thought that matters to me because some women can cook for their men under questionable motives (they either want something from him or want him to do something). But if her mindset from the onset is to see me happy, to see me filled up with good food and not expect anything in return. That’s just immeasurable.

2. The Sacrifice: For a woman to leave all she is doing to go to the market, spend time in the kitchen and make you good food, she must really care about you. She didn’t take the easy way out by ordering the food from a restaurant, she did it all her self means a lot to any man.

3. The Care: Women in this modern era are too busy to take care of their husbands that they outsource every single thing from laundry to feeding but a woman that includes this special aspect in her busy schedules really cares about her man.

So ladies over to you. Do you know how to cook? If you don’t, its never too late to learn. Do you know your man’s favorite dishes? Please know it and learn it if you can’t make it. Are you too busy to cook for your husband? Please it’s your duty not that of the house girl or the chef (cook and keep in the fridge for him if your schedule is too tight).
If you fail to feed your man’s stomach well, someone else will and let’s hope that someone doesn’t feed his penis too.

¤ GOOD SEX:
When I mean good sex, I am not talking about having sex but making love. Sex is totally different from making love. When you make love, you pour out your passion even as the act is in progress. The passionate kisses, the caressing and deep romance can easily speak for themselves. But sex? Regardless of how long, how well, how adventurous and how enjoyable it may be, it can still be as mere as a usual video game or sporting activity after all, even enemies can have sex. Its not all about the sex itself but about:

1. The Passion: When a woman has sex most times her emotions are attached but when most men have sex, emotions are not usually attached to it. When you can get a man to make love to you passionately then you have his heart. (Read Sex: A Guy’s Perspective)

2. The Sacrifice: Men tend to have sex more often than women (not in all cases though). When a woman comes back from work tired but still satisfies her sexually hungry man, this shows where her heart lies.

3. Willingness to learn: A woman that always has something new sexually to dazzle her husband with is a good learner and is willing to experiment to satisfy her husband.

Sex is a fundamental part of marriage, so having sex is not when you feel like it, it’s when either of you feels like it. Your body belongs to your husband and his body belongs to you (1 Corinthians 7:3-4). Don’t make your sex life predictable, mystify it.


NOTE (Very Important):
1) The sex part of this article is strictly for married couples. I have heard stories of single ladies that play the role of a wife even before they are married. They cook all types of food for their man, sleep with him any time he pleases and after all said and done, the man leaves them for a lady that hasn’t even cooked indomie for him (Read: 20 Relationship Mistakes Girls Make).

2) Make sure the foundation of your relationship is not built on sex and food only.
A guy can fall in love through the stomach, through sex and through mere romance but the actual thing is; to make sure he isn’t falling because of these activities which are just added factors to the main thing (Read: 10 Ways Sex Ruins Relationships).

3) Take note, good sex and good food can get a man but cannot keep a man if you lack other qualities the man desires. If its only about good sex then why are the professional porn stars who are almost perfect in all sexual positions and seem to be the best in the act not all in love and married?
If it’s only about good food, why are the restaurant owners, the chefs that serve men with such delicious delicacies not all in love and married?

Good food and sex in a marriage can be likened to a starter while the main course meal in marriage involves many things like sacrifice, understanding, tolerance etc (Read: Marriage is Not About Love).

Reference:
Funom Makama “Who ever believes the way to a man’s heart flunked geography”

3 Things Men Want (Part 2): Space

Danny Ovi

This is a continuation of the series, READ:
Part 1: Respect

PART 2: SPACE
This is by far the most important thing you will ever learn about a man. Ladies I want you to pay full attention because if you miss this point, then you will forever have issues with your man. We discovered in the first part of the series that men and women are totally different beings. A woman usually says one thing while meaning another thing. When a woman says she doesn’t want to talk to anybody, she actually means the opposite and usually does want to talk to someone. A lot of women will say the same sentence twice and mean completely different things in each instance. You’ve probably said you don’t want to talk to anybody and meant it at least once. Guys on the other hand usually mean what they say and say what they mean, no guessing or mind reading needed.
Guys sometimes say what they don’t necessarily mean like, “your hair looks beautiful” or “you look stunning in that dress” to make a lady happy or appease her.  BUT when a man says he wants to be left alone, he really wants to be left alone.

Men, unlike women, sometimes need space and if you invade that space, it only irritates and upsets them. You should understand that a man does not open up as easily as a women do. When a man says he needs to be alone, he most definitely means it. To rejuvenate and refresh, men retreat into a quiet place ‘physically’ and ‘mentally’. With no interference from others, a man needing quiet time will quite likely emerge ready to tackle anything! Being patient with the process.
Your man tells you to “leave him alone” because he has stuff he wants to sort out. You either feel he doesn’t mean it or he’s hiding something or you try to help him out. As a result, you disturb him with your excessive calls and pings. He retreats into his shell and doesn’t pick your calls or answer your pings (or anyone else’s). This leaves you feeling hurt, rejected, and your asking your self questions like “what’s the matter?”, “is he cheating?”, “why isn’t he letting me in?”, “doesn’t he want my help?” and you feel like your losing the one you love. The truth?
He told you to leave him alone initially, didn’t he? When your man tells you to leave him alone, LEAVE HIM ALONE!

He is telling you this because he doesn’t even know how he feels. He needs time to process his thoughts and feelings. Men have emotions too and no, it is not that easy for them to talk about them, so don’t pressure him. If you do, he might end up saying something he will regret and you will end up losing him. When a man insists on being left alone, don’t take it personal. When your man is ready to talk, he will come to you. And when he does, don’t push him away or judge him. Just listen to him and try to understand him. If he doesn’t come around….then move on. Men are not much on talking or showing emotion, it makes them look weak and vulnerable. If you insist on making him talk, he will just get mad, and so will you.
It has been claimed that women speak about 20,000 words a day – 13,000 more than the average man. A study conducted by US researchers suggested that higher level of protein called the Foxp2, known as the ‘language protein’ are found in the female brain. This is the reason an average woman tends to talk more than the average man (check Mail Online Science  for more info).
When a woman has issues, she loves discussing it with a listening ear while men tend to retreat into their quiet space to reason things out.

In conclusion, Proverbs 21:9 said something very profound, it said “It is better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife” (Holman Christian Standard Bible). Don’t nag on a man, give him his free space to do what he loves like letting him watch his football matches or hanging out with the guys. Most importantly, if he demands space to think, leave him alone!

Share with the ladies you know and the ones you don’t know. #StayBlessed

References:
AlyssaLashown “Does he really want to be left alone”
Stina Caxe “When guys say they want to be left alone do they really mean it?”

Continue–} Part 3: Food and Sex

 

3 Things Men Want (Part 1): Respect

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We just completed the 7 part series titled “7 Things Women Want”. These include: Acknowledgment, Affirmation, Attention, Affection, Security, Communication and Care (click to read).
In that series, we ascertained that men are totally different from women in terms of attitude, reactions, thought pattern and behavior. Men are logical beings while women are emotional beings. Men are very easy to understand but the problem women have is that they act and think like women when relating with men. To successfully relate with a man, you have to act like a woman and think like a man. I’ll repeat, men are very easy to understand, most women are just too lazy to make that effort in understanding men. To buttress this point, you can see that men only want 3 things while women want 7 things. 7 compared to 3. Comon!..lol. Get this and you will never have problems with the men all your life again.
Let’s proceed:

PART 1: RESPECT
The same way a women craves for love from a man, that’s a same way a man desires respect from a woman. For a man, you rather respect him and not love him than love him and not respect him. Men are pompous, proud and egocentric in nature. They have that on-top-of-the-world mentality that makes it hard to them to succumb to a woman. Take this from me, the only woman a man will take orders from is not his mother or his wife or his sisters. The only woman a man will take orders from without complaining is his female boss in the office. You might ask yourself, why should I respect a man? or why should a man demand respect from a woman?

Let’s go back to the creation of this world. If you’re an atheist and don’t believe in God, please look away now..lol
Adam was created from dust as we all know, he was put in charge of the animals and so on. Then one day God realized that Adam (man) needed a helper so God created Eve from Adam’s rib (woman created from man) Genesis 2:21-22. When Adam woke up and saw Eve, he said “This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” Genesis 2:23. Remember man was the boss before woman came, woman was made to assist man and man (Adam) was the one that gave Eve the title ‘woman’.
From the inception of life, man has always seen himself above the woman and so therefore should respect them. In the marriage institution, the Bible also reinteracts this point in both 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Ephesians 5:23 where it states that the husband is the head of the wife. Even the Quran agrees with the Bible in this regard where in Quran 4:34 it says “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other….righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands)..” (paraphrased)
So ladies, as long as you believe in God you know that the man (husband) is your head and deserves your respect.
Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their qualities (head of the family). Respect for him could also include his achievements and abilities. Respect also includes obedience, regard, not second guessing his decisions and submissiveness.

In conclusion, I’ll make reference to 5 scriptures in the Bible that instruct a woman to respect (submit to) her husband.

1 Peter 3:1-6 – “Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands”.

Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”.

Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord”.

Peter 3:3 “Wives, respect and obey your husbands..”

Ephesians 5:33 “Let the wife see that she respects her husband”.

Men desire respect because they deserve it (so says God not me). Respect your man and you will see his loving side shine forth.

Continue–} Part 2: Space, Part 3: Food and Sex

7 Things Women Want (Part 7): Care

beautiful girls

This is a continuation of the series, READ:
Part 1: Acknowledgment
Part 2: Affirmation
Part 3: Attention
Part 4: Affection
Part 5: Security
Part 6: Communication

PART 7: CARE
A lady wants to know for certain that you care about her. Caring connotes caring about her to the smallest element of her life. This includes her well being, her family, her education, her career and many more. A lady is not supposed to want something and have to ask you all the time for you to realize that she wants something. When women want something from their man, they give out clues to that effect. Its only sensitive men that care enough to pay attention to the clues she is giving out and get her what she wants. For example, a lady wants a new phone, she will give her spouse clues like “baby, this my phone is not good, its always having problems, its always crashing, the battery is bad”. She doesn’t have to come out straight and say “baby, please buy me a new phone”. She has given you clues, if you can’t get her a new phone, buy a good fairly used phone. If you can’t get her a phone at all, then take her phone for repairs. Caring to a lady doesn’t always have to be financially motivated, caring includes helping her with work, helping her with assignments, helping her get the groceries, helping her around the house. Ladies love men that genuinely care about them.

7 Things Women Want (Part 6): Communication

sugarcoated

This is a continuation of the series, READ:
Part 1: Acknowledgment
Part 2: Affirmation
Part 3: Attention
Part 4: Affection
Part 5: Security

PART 6: COMMUNICATION
Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They exist between two emotional human beings who bring their own past experiences, history, and expectations into it. Communication doesn’t only include everyday ‘surfacey’ topics like (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?” “What have you eaten?”). You need to communicate more important things to her, you need to communicate your future plans with her, you need to communication your fears, your regrets in life with her. A woman loves an open and genuine communication with her man.
Being open means talking about things you may have never talked about with another human being before in your life. It means being vulnerable and honest with your partner, completely and unabashedly. It means opening yourself up to possible hurt and disappointment. But it also means opening yourself up to the full potential of all a relationship can be.
To communicate better and more effectively in your relationship, you don’t only have to talk. You can communicate in other ways — through your actions, and nowadays, electronically too (through BBM, Whatsapp, Skype, Twitter). Genuine and honest communication with your woman makes her feel part of your struggles, success, pain and joy. Talk to her about you. Honestly.

Continue–} Part 7: Care

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