The Smile for the Camera Relationships


Growing up, I realized quite early that God made my feet annoyingly big. My dad and brothers couldn’t pass down shoes to me because as early as 17, I had outgrown everyone’s shoe size.

During Youth Service, the NYSC officials couldn’t provide me with a shoe that could fit. I wear 46/47 and the most they had in my camp was size 45 so I was the only corper exempted from wearing boots. I wore slippers and my own shoes around the camp. It was that bad.

Have you ever seen a shoe you like but heartbroken that it doesn’t fit?

I go to the market to get shoes and come back depressed. The gorgeous shoes I see aren’t my size but with anger coupled with optimism, I buy one or two that fit a bit.
I wear them out to occasions and get the “beautiful shoe” compliments left, right and center which should be enough to offset the pain my feet is feeling. Right? WRONG!!!
When no one is looking, I find a place to get the damn shoes off, stretch my feet and let them breathe. It’s never worth it.


Does my shoe struggles sound familiar with some relationship problems?

She’s beautiful, hot and quite presentable. She’s like a trophy wife. People keep gushing about her looks and poise but inside no one knows what you are enduring. She’s difficult to handle. She’s disrespectful. She’s lazy. She’s contentious.
He’s handsome, hardworking and funny with a very healthy bank account. He’s every girl’s dream. Girls are envious of you both and guys are jealous but inside no one knows what you are enduring. He speaks to you in a condescending manner, shouts at will and strikes you when he can’t stand your complaints.


Let’s look at this “smile for the camera” type of relationships we keep having from another angle.

You are to travel from Abuja to Lagos by road with your family and given two options;
First is an unpainted Sienna bus with a regularly serviced engine, tires and a well-trained driver.
Second is a 2017 Range Rover Sports Utility Vehicle with a faulty engine, tired looking tires and an aggressive Fast and Furious driver.
Which of the automobiles would you choose to travel in?

Easy choice right?

So why do we stay in abusive relationships because of what people will say?
Why do we stay in stale relationships that look good on the outside but toxic on the inside?
Why do we keep managing relationships that are leading to nowhere?
Why do we keep praying for the wrong man to change instead of praying for the right man to find you?
Why do we keep entertaining a promiscuous partner with the excuse that “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t”?
Why do we keep forgiving a partner that slaps and beats you at will because he loves you and maybe “it’s my fault he slapped me”?
Why do we smile for the camera (family, friends, colleagues, social media contacts) like we have a perfect relationship when we are dying on the inside?


It’s time you drop what people might think and stand by what you think because at the end of the day, “no one knows where the shoe pinches, but he who wears it.”
Don’t be the sad and bruised girl in a Range Rover Sport looking out of the window and admiring the happy and joyous girl in a taxi.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
Stop sitting on the fence and take that leap of faith.
Who cares what the camera sees when you are hurting in camera (pun intended).
Get out now while you still can.


Dating Should Not Be About Sex, It Should Be About……


“Don’t have a boyfriend till you are either old enough or in the University” is a popular advice given to teenage girls by their parents or/and older family members. This advice is valid in a World inundated with sexual immorality and misplaced ideologies. A World where a young boy’s reasoning and conceptualization is saturated with sexual content driven adverts, movies, songs and even music videos. A World where our young girls are driven to change their natural features in a bid to be loved and accepted with the advent of bleaching and other face and body enhancing tricks that ladies use nowadays to deceive men.
The real purpose of dating has actually being defeated. A young girl goes into a relationship with financial security at the back of her mind while a young guy goes into a relationship with sexual security at the forefront of his.
So what is dating in this modern World?
1. Someone to claim as your boyfriend/girlfriend in the face of peer pressure from friends who are dating.
2. Someone to satisfy their sexual urges with.
3. Someone to love and someone to love them.
4. Someone that would alleviate their financial burdens.
5. Someone to selfishly demand from and not deposit into…..

What dating should be:
1. Someone to share present and future dreams with.
2. Someone that encourages and stands by you especially at the hard times.
3. Someone to push you to be better when you have settled for good.
4. Someone to help improve you spiritually, mentally and psychologically.
5. Someone that accompanies you into the tunnels of fear and uncertainty assuring you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel…..

Nowadays, people scarcely date someone that they ‘could’ get married to, they instead date for external pleasures and then when they have ‘enjoyed life’ and are ready to settle down, they search for the ‘someone-I-could-marry’ type and convert him/her to the ‘someone-I-will-marry’ type. This from a girl’s perspective is after having many cars of different sizes pass through her garage and from a guy’s perspective packing their cars at as many garages as possible.

I came across an article of one Fatima Sulaimon, a 22 year old first class graduate of the University of Ilorin, Kwara State, who emerged the best anatomy graduate in her graduating set. She claimed that the secret of her academic success was her boyfriend. She graduated with a Cumulative Grade Average Point of 4.80 emerging as one of the 48 first class graduates in her set. In an interview with Punch, she said; “He encouraged, inspired and assisted me to excel in my studies.” “He encouraged me. At times, even if I woke up in the night and I felt dizzy, I would just put a call across to him and after discussing with him, I would feel okay. He was more of a friend. He encouraged, inspired and assisted me.”

I made a vow with myself never to leave anyone I date the same way I met them. I (without blowing my trumpet) have helped my girlfriend and ex-girlfriends achieve feats they thought unachievable, helped them generate ideas, assisted them academically, helping them grow spiritually, aided them soar physically and mentally. I consider myself an academician who has made studying a passion. Anytime I hear from my girlfriend, before we start talking about mundane things like “what did you eat?”,”where did you go?”, “what are you doing?”, the first question I ask is “what did you do today?”, “what did you learn today?”, “what can I learn from you today?”. That’s my way of making sure she adds value to herself on a daily basis.

I strongly believe that having a boyfriend/girlfriend early is good for a teenager ONLY if they enter and maintain the right principles during the relationship. I strongly pray that one day, we will get to the stage where parents will be okay with their children dating, when parents and kids could discuss dating together without fear or apprehension, when sex or physical contact is the last thing on the mind of both dating parties, when self improvement is at the forefront of any relationship.

My question to you is “why are you dating your boyfriend/girlfriend?”, “what have you added to him/her?”. I implore you to change your perception of dating if yours is flawed.


Meaning of some words:
Car: Penis
Garage: Vagina