Date Your Wife and Marry Your Girlfriend

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“Date your wife and marry your girlfriend” – Kurtis Smith, 2015

I can’t stress the above quote enough. Let me break it down.

Date your wife: Most people enter into relationships for various reasons. For companionship, to be taken care of (women are mostly guilty of this), for the sex (men raise your hands), for social acceptance, to blend in or even because of boredom. Only a fraction of relationships that start on such shaky grounds ever reach the altar and even so only a small percentage of them last 10 years happily.

But imagine, a man sees a woman in her flaws and envisions “forever after” with her. He looks out for her best interest at heart. Builds her. Supports her. Forgives her. Loves and cherishes her. He is dating his wife.

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Marry your girlfriend: Then they get married. From that wedding day, the title changes from wife to girlfriend. We have made the title “wife” heavy with too much responsibility. A wife should be this. A wife should be that. Too much pressure. Instead he treats her like his girlfriend. He doesn’t make her to wash/clean/cook and all those wifely mumbo jumbo. He takes her on dates, makes love to her anywhere and everywhere, spoils her, cocoons her in unbinding love. He is married to his girlfriend.

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So remember, when next you envision marriage. Try it the other way around. Date your husband and marry your boyfriend. YOLO should actually be YOMO. You Only Marry Once.  Don’t make divorce an option. Marry your boyfriend/girlfriend today.

#CoupleGoals: IG—>>>> @timi_dorgu and @ife_x.

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What is New About Your Love Life?

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You are both in love, that’s not new.
You talk to each other every day, that’s not new.
You lovebirds can’t stand being away from each other, nothing new.
You have unbridled, wild and sometimes steamy sex, still not new.

What’s new about your relationship with God pertaining to your relationship with him/her?

Has dating him taken you farther away from God or closer to God?

Has dating her strengthened your faith and resolve in God?

Has dating him made you worry more or worry less?

Has your “new” relationship increased your attendance in church and Godly activities or has it made going to church a burden?

Has being intertwined in your relationship entwined you in sin?

Has your relationship improved your Bible study hours or made your Bible a fashion accessory for only Sundays?

Do you both discuss sex more than God in your relationship?

Has “Good in bed” become your priority in choosing a date instead of “God lover”???

A relationSHIP without God is like a ship without a rudder, it’s going nowhere meaningful.

A relationSHIP that isn’t God centered will crash and it’s occupants will drown in sin.

Evaluate your love life now and make “God” the priority. If he is not in, he can use the door!!!!

 

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7 Relationship Lessons Mosquitoes Teach Daily

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After the torrid time I had last night trying to sleep with the added discomfort of mosquito bites and those annoying mosquito sounds all up in my ears. I woke up with three pertinent questions to ask God.

So I began……

“God, why did You make mosquitoes?”

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He didn’t answer, so I asked my follow up question.

“God, why didn’t Adam just swat them when he had the chance instead of naming them?”

God still kept quiet, then I asked the last and final question.

“God, but why did Noah have to bring along father and mother mosquitoe into the ark?”

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I’m sure I made God laugh in Heaven but it was not a joking matter to me.

These questions have plagued mankind for generations with no concrete answers in sight.

Seriously, of what use are mosquitoes?

When all they do is transmit diseases (malaria, dengue fever, yellow fever, encephalitis and the dreaded zika virus)?????

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It was in this despair that I decided to foolishly bring up relationship lessons from my/our ordeal with mosquitoes.

Who sent me?

Let’s begin.

1. Stagnant water: Mosquitoes spend their first 10 days in water, mostly stagnant, smelly water. Water is necessary for the eggs to hatch into larvae, called wigglers. Wigglers feed on organic matter in stagnant water and breathe oxygen from the surface. They develop into pupae, which do not feed and are partially encased in cocoons. Over several days, the pupae change into adult mosquitoes and begin evoking havoc on people.

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In relationships and marriage, stagnant water signifies strife, unsettled grievances, bitterness and malice. When these forms of stagnant water are allowed to fester and are not resolved, it gives room for the birth of larvea (not talking to each other for a while), wigglers (bad mouthing one another), pupae (insults and raised voices), cocoons (physical confrontation and a shouting match) and then mosquitoes (separation or divorce).

Don’t give stagnant water space in your relationships, make sure to breathe fresh life into your relationships every time a party feels offended or betrayed. Talk to each other, resolve issues like grown-ups and move on. Remember, saying sorry and meaning it is like discarding bad water and replacing it with fresh water. It keeps the mosquitoes of separation away.

2. Blood covenant:

Are you aware that male mosquitoes don’t bite?

Yes, only female mosquitoes bite (women and their problem..lol).

Mosquitoes mean nothing personal when they bite you and take your blood. Female mosquitoes need protein for their eggs, and must take a blood meal in order to reproduce. Since males don’t bear the burden of producing, they’ll avoid you completely and instead focus on flowers.375718adbbbdb00e6f2041f09edb8337

In relationships and mostly in  marriage, the person in control of the happenings in the union is the woman. Not only is the woman the care taker, she’s the mother, the cook, the wife, the cleaner, the mentor, the encourager, the supervisor and many more. But more powerful as shown by the biting prowess of the female mosquitoe is the power of her tongue.

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A woman can use her tongue to make her family or tear it down. She can use her mouth to make a man feel important and appreciated or use that same mouth to belittle him and make him feel worthless. She can use her words to make him happy enough to buy her anything or angry enough to beat her black and blue. A woman can use her words to edify or use her words to shame and embarrass. A woman can use her words to make a man feel ten feet high or make him feel empty and useless. A woman can use her words to build and use her words to demolish. A woman can use her mouth to pray or use her mouth to curse. The real power of unity, love, oneness, strength doesn’t lie with the man, it lies in the woman’s mouth.

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Remember, female mosquitoes suck blood with their mouth. Bad mouthed women could suck the life (blood) out of their relationships with their ill guided utterances.

3. The balls of patient: A wise cheeky man once said, when a mosquito lands on a man’s testicles, that’s when he realizes that there is always a way to solve a problem without using violence. No man would be angry enough to slap his balls because he wants to kill a mosquito. That would be tantamount to suicide…lol.

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So why would a man in a relationship be so eager to lay his hands on his woman. A woman he claims to love and adore. A woman he cherishes and promised to protect. A woman he singled out among other ladies and promised to love and adore for the rest of his days. A woman that has become one flesh with him according to Biblical wisdom.

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If you can exercise patience enough not to use violence to handle the mosquito on your balls, the same mosquito you despise and wish dead. How about handling the attack on your pride and masculinity by your woman with more patience and panache.

4. Little issue: It’s no longer news that the biggest killer disease in the World is not the incurable AIDS or even cancer. According to WHO, in 2015, there were roughly 212 million malaria cases and an estimated 429, 000 malaria deaths.

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So get this picture, death caused by lions, dogs, terrorism, cancer combined pale in comparison to death by just malaria alone.

So a little mosquito causes so much havoc. Just that little mosquito.

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That little habit could be the killer of your relationship. That habit of being unappreciative. That nagging habit. That smoking habit. That drinking habit. That womanizing habit. That gossiping habit. That shouting habit. It’s time you kill that little fly before it kills your love life.

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Are you aware that the name ‘mosquito’ is from a Spanish word meaning ‘little fly’?

Neither do I…..

5. Clap your hands o ye people: I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel mosquitoes intentionally sing in your ears so you could try killing them and when you miss, you end up unintentionally applauding them for their effort in making horrendous and annoying ‘music’.

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How often do we appreciate our partners? We have become too familiar with our spouses that we take them for granted.
When last did you thank your husband for bringing money for food? It’s his responsibility to provide but it’s also your responsibly to appreciate and encourage him.

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When last did you appreciate your wife for her efforts in taking care of the children? It’s her duty alright but it’s also your duty to appreciate and encourage her.
When last did you speak words of encouragement to your children for their good behavior and good grades?

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Do we get too ‘familiar’ with each other that we take one another for granted?

Don’t get caught up in that web of over familiarity.

6. The flowers: As we pointed out at the beginning of this article, female mosquitoes are the ones that bite and suck blood. Male mosquitoes on the other hand don’t need blood so they instead feast on flowers. I’m sure they take some of those flowers to their blood sucking wives as a sign of love..lol

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Talking about flowers, how often do you serenade your woman with surprise dinners, gifts, paying for something she wants? It mustn’t be only on her birthday or Valentine’s day you know? Just be attentive. She admires a shoe in a magazine, buy it, wrap it and bring it home. Get her expensive designer undies. Buy her a new phone when hers keeps visiting the phone repairers shop too often. Cook for her. Serenade your woman, dammit.

Take a cue from Adam whose first words after seeing Eve were “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh”. Adam knew how to serenade his woman, don’t be a waste.

7. Stop breathing: Mosquitoes detect carbon dioxide in the air, so the more you breathe, the more likely you are to become a blood meal. Carbon dioxide clues the mosquitoes in to the presence of a living, breathing, blood-pumping animal nearby. Once they sense it, mosquitoes usually fly in a zigzag pattern through the CO2 plume until they locate the source. So to avoid mosquito bites, stop breathing. lol

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There is one thing without which a relationship is destined for the pages of history; lack of trust. So what’s the carbon dioxide (fuel) for lack of trust?

Let me introduce you to these three evil brothers: Gossip, Hearsay and Rumors.

To protect your relationship, maintain your trust and keep your sanity, stay away from gossip mongers. You know those that always have an opinion of people’s relationship issues, those that will always see your boyfriend with another girl, those that will always sense that your boo has another boo. Stay away from these parasitic human beings, they have a way of making you even suspicious of yourself.

Voila.

So there you have it.

Seven ways mosquitoes are the best relationship advisers ever biteth liveth.

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Keeping Your Relationship Private

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With the advent of social media, there is not much room for privacy anymore. People post such private information from their last meal to pictures of who they are currently dating.

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It’s cute to flaunt your boyfriend on social media, its quite cute I must say but such private information is bound to come back and bite you in the ass.

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Should you keep your relationship a secret? Hell no. The key word is privacy not secrecy. Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy.

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A friend’s story springs to mind. She was fond of posting pictures of her boyfriend on BBM. His pictures and theirs littered her display picture with heartwarming messages on her pm. It was cute I must say but I thought it was too much info/publicity and I told her about my reservations. She took it in good faith and reduced the frequency of her posts. Less than 2 months after my advice, they broke up.  She already made her love life public so came the “what of your boyfriend?”, “we haven’t seen him on your dp for a while now”, “how are your both?” and “are you still dating him?” questions. How awkward talking about an ex. She’s currently dating someone else but I had to ask her to even know she was seeing someone. She obviously learnt from her mistakes.

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Stop taking your private matters to public platforms. Don’t complain about people being all in your relationship, when you’re personally sending out the invitations. The truth is that social networks don’t break up relationship. The shit you post on social networks breaks up relationship.

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Don’t involve the public, involve friends and family very cautiously giving out as little information as possible. When you put boundaries around your relationship, people learn to respect your privacy. You don’t need everyone’s opinion, so don’t open the door for folks to share their opinions.

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Be in love but also be wise.

What Body Odor Taught Me About Relationships

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He had just entered the office when the serene environment was doused with a bewildering smell. “Mehnnnnn, what’s that smell?” I thought to myself.  I wanted to be straightforward and tell him outrightly but I didn’t have the “mind”. Not because I was afraid of him but he looked so cheerful and I didn’t want to be the one to burst the happiness bubble, especially with my other colleagues present. Joy killer? Definitely not me. So if I couldn’t tell him, how do I help remedy the situation? Then I remembered the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and decided to play it safe, shut up and mind my business.

I remember when I failed to heed this school of thought and got expelled from a relationship. I have always touted myself as a honest, tell-it-as-it-is kinda guy. My girlfriend back then had just worn a dress I didn’t like one bit to a dinner. Instead of minding my business and respecting her feelings, I erroneously and repeatedly pointed out my reservations. We were on a date but the dress didnt let me think straight. Statements like “I believe you are showing too much flesh” to “I dont like the slit on this dress one bit” littered the atmosphere. I was an asshole and couldnt help myself. I didn’t know it hurt her but her silence on the way back home was all the evidence I needed of my misbehaviour. I tried to make amends but the damage had already been done. One thing led to another and we parted ways.

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I am sure there are times you said something rude to your partner and realized later that you should have kept your mouth shut. The times you told her how fat she was getting or how badly she sucked in bed or how his joblessness is affecting your lifestyle or how his lack of a car is making you uncomfortable as you enter public transport.

The truth is sometimes it’s difficult to simply ignore everything you deem negative but in cases where you can’t keep quiet for too long, it is advisable to use euphemisms. A euphemism is a kinder word or phrase that you substitute for one that is unpleasant or offensive. You know how it’s rude to call someone “fat” but nicer to call them “plump or curvy”. In the same vein, instead of using “thin or skinny”, a nicer substitute is “slim”. The message is passed but in a less explosive manner.
She has a body odor, get her a nice perfume. He has mouth odor, get him a potent mouth wash and use it with him. She has a big tummy, respectfully admire ladies with flat tummy and if she’s smart she’ll get the message. You don’t like her hair style, tell her how beautiful she looks and stop there. When she makes a hair style you like, tell her how beautiful the hair looks every time. She’s smart, she’ll get the message. He’s not performing in bed, teach him how you want it instead of killing his ego by nagging.

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Time and time again, we bring negativity and hurt feelings without realizing that the negative things we say about people are like boomerangs. I have learned to send out positive energy, to love more and channel any negative energy into something healthy. Its not always easy to keep your cool, but if you think about something before you say it and realize what the words will do to the situation, you’ll be able to make more thoughtful decisions.

Remember, if you can’t go about telling everybody about their body odor, be mindful about your spouse and don’t point out their misdoings so potently. Use euphemisms. Be smart.

A comedian once said, if your wife gets dressed, spends hours making up and finally asks you “babe, how do I look?”. It’s a trap. If she looks beautiful, tell her so. If you don’t like her look, just tell her ” babe you are beautiful”, kiss her and disappear.  Remember it’s you are beautiful not you look beautiful. Big difference.

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Reference:
1. If you don’t have anything nice to say… use a euphemism!
2. Why If You Have Nothing Nice To Say, You Really Should Say Nothing

10 Ways Sex Ruins Relationships

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We all know about sex and how it affects our daily lives. Everyone of us apart from test tube babies are born out of sexual intercourse between a male and a female. The jury is still out on the impact of premarital sex but we all agree that sex should only be practiced in the confines of marriage. Let’s not deceive ourselves people are having sex on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, a statistics I discovered in http://www.quora.com states that roughly 240 million people have sex daily and I can guess not up to 30% of these people are married. Anyways back to the matter at hand, this article just analyses the different ways premarital sex can affect a relationship detrimentally.

1. Faulty Foundation: A relationship built on friendship and companionship will always last longer than a relationship built on sex. The part a solid foundation plays in the solidification of a building cannot be overemphasized. No matter how beautiful a building is, if the foundation is faulty its only a matter of time before that building collapses. When sex is used to build a relationship, more times than not it doesn’t last.

2. Disappointment: Have you ever wondered why people that marry as virgins are more content with their sex lives in marriage than people that had lots of sex before marriage. This is simply because there is no level for comparison between current and former sexual partner. The only reason you will enjoy vanilla ice cream over strawberry ice cream is because you have tasted both and you prefer one over the other. As soon as you taste sex outside marriage and you are not deriving the same pleasure you did prior to marriage while in marriage, a sense of disappointment engulfs you.

3. Over-dependency  This question is directed to the ladies; have you ever dated someone that avoids you when you are on your period? Someone that anytime you both see, sex is always on the menu? When sex is all that binds a couple together, not companionship or friendship then I can rest assure you that as soon as her/she gets better sex outside, you are on your way to be called an ex.

4. Cheating: There are many reasons people cheat but one of the major reasons happens to be sex related. An interesting study published in 2005 found that more men cheat because of sex than women. If a girl thinks she can satisfy her man in bed, guess what another girl thinks she can satisfy your man her man better.

5. Diseases: The rate at which sexually transmitted diseases are transferred from one person to another through sex is alarming these days. People don’t realize that they are having sex with more than 10 people when they are having sex with an unfaithful partner. For example, you have sex with a guy that has unprotected sex with 5 other girls. Those girls had sex with one other guy each which means whatever they contacted from those guys have been transferred to her unfaithful boyfriend who then transfers it to her. STIs are not limited to HIV, it also includes other infections like gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes and many others.

6. Aborted Dreams: when a lady gets pregnant in marriage its a joy for her family but when a lady gets pregnant outside marriage she becomes a scorn to her family. It’s either she aborts and dies trying, she aborts and lives with the guilt forever, she aborts and destroys her womb or she gives birth to the child and has to stop her education to take care of the baby. For more info on premarital pregnancy and its effects, see (The Domino Effects of Premarital Pregnancy: http://wp.me/p4d0zy-5x)

7. Distrust: If your spouse was unable to show self-control before marriage what makes him or her have self-control after marriage? Many people have affairs because they have never demonstrated control of their sexual drive prior to the marriage vows. Premarital sex can lead to adultery, which is a high cause of divorce.

8. Disrespect: Often having a sexual relationship in dating can lead to feelings of being used and rejected. A lady has sex with her boyfriend and when they break up, the guy moves on easily but the lady feels used which affects her relationship with other men.

9. Spiritual Disconnection: The Bible frowns on premarital sex and when practiced outside the confines of marriage has a way of disconnecting us from God. Remember premarital sex is a sin and according to 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality”.

10. Disillusionment: Sex has a way of clouding our judgement and keeping us blind to a person’s faults and bad habits. I remember a friend who came to me with a heavy heart, she claims that her boyfriend hits her at any slight provocation but after he hits her, she begs and they have makeup sex which according to her is usually the best sex ever. She has this amazing sex life with this woman beater and this clouds her judgment of him. I asked her the day he finally damages one of her eyes with his beatings, would she enjoy the sex with one eye? That question made her think straight and look beyond the sex to the real matter at hand. Sex is like a plaster that covers an injury. It might cover the hurt you feel inside for a short time but after a while, the plaster falls off and you are exposed to the hurt for a life time.

Paul’s solution in 1 Corinthians 7:25-28 for dealing with sexual desires and avoiding the problems listed above is to get married and have sex (a lot of God-ordained sex..*wink*). Getting married doesn’t necessarily solve sexual temptations but its a good place to start.

Thanks for reading and please lets encourage abstainance till marriage by sharing this article with friends on social media. #Cheers

 

Contact Kurtis Smith for relationship advice, counseling, freelance writing and consultancy work along with speaking at public or private events via these means:
Twitter: @kurtissmithblog
Email: kingkurtissmith@gmail.com
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The Domino Effects of Premarital Pregnancy

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Sandra is a smart teenager who aspires to be a lawyer. During the course of her studies, she meets Emeka who dreams of taking over his father’s electronics business in Alaba International Market. They both meet and fall in love, one thing led to another she gets pregnant. This pregnancy has implications and will be analysed using the domino effect which states that a chain reaction occurs when a small change causes a similar change nearby.

1. Abortion and Infertility: She aborts the baby at 2 months old and moves on with her life. She gets married and 5 years after her wedding day is yet to get pregnant. A trip to the doctor with her husband and a few tests after shows that her womb was affected by the abortion she had while in the University. She can never give birth (unless a miracle happens), so her husband out of frustration gets another woman pregnant, moves her into the house as his second wife and Sandra feels devastated and betrayed.

2. Abortion and Guilt: She aborts the baby successfully and it doesn’t affect her womb in anyway. As she grows older and sees other children, she gets psychologically affected with the thoughts of the child she killed in her womb. Anytime her pastor preaches on abortion, she goes home to cry. She sees a child and immediately imagines the child she once had but never gave birth to. She lives forever with guilt.

3. Childbirth: She decides not to abort the baby. She approaches Emeka (the child’s father) about the pregnancy and Emeka humorously asks her the infamous question “who is the father?”, in tears she affirms that he is the father but Emeka vehemently denies paternity and breaks up with her terminating all forms of communication between them. She proceeds to inform her parents of the pregnancy and out of sheer disappointment and in a bid to save their reputation, they send her to Ghana to stay with her sister who resides there until she gives birth. She had to take a break from school, she had to put her dreams on hold, she has to live with the shame of premarital pregnancy. Her parents and her boyfriend want no hand in the upbringing of the baby so she struggles to make enough money to take care of herself and the baby so she ventures into a sugar daddy lifestyle and prostitution.

4. Baby Mamma Syndrome: Sandra is single with a child to take care of by herself. She meets James during her stay in Ghana but after a while she finally discloses to him that she has a child. James becomes distant and breaks up the relationship. After James comes Tope, after Tope came Chris but all these men claimed to love her but did not want to get married to a single mother.

5. Father-less child: Over a million children are born out of wedlock every year and most grow without the influence of a father. A child grows up with the knowledge that his/her father denied him/her from childbirth can only cause resentment towards that man and other men in general.

6. Forced Marriage: So Sandra tells Emeka about the pregnancy but instead of denying, he accepts paternity. They are not ready for marriage but in a bid to save their family’s reputation, they decide to get married. They get married just because they are expecting a child together and after 3 months of married life, they discover that they really had nothing in common. The young marriage is already on the rocks but they decide to stay in it. Emeka begins to date other women outside while Sandra is secretly having an affair with her boss at work.

Sex is one of the most beautiful adventures any couple can experience but God designed sex to be between a married couple. Abstain till marriage to avoid such heartaches and trauma. In case you know that you cannot abstain till marriage, please the next option is the correct use of a condom. The reason why I omitted the second option after abstinence which is “Being Faithful” is because, faithfulness can help avoid sexually transmitted infections (if both partners are really faithful) but this doesn’t avoid pregnancy. Don’t be a Sandra, keep yourself till marriage. Sex is worth waiting for.

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