What IF banana FALL on you today?

 

'will design for fo2'

What IF I told you that banana would FALL on you now, what would you say? Lol.

The Nigerian music scene has been laden with so much sexual innuendo that one can’t help but flinch when eating fruits these days.

No fruit or plant has escaped musicians wrath with cassava, cucumber, banana, eggplant all caught in their sexually explicit lingua franca.

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These sexual undertones have endeared most to these artists and their songs but taking a deeper look into the male organ, what do women really have to say about its size and usage?

In an impromptu survey conducted on a group of 10 friends, ‘size matters’ came up tops for 5 participants, 4 went for ‘usage’ while the last one went for something I never heard in my life (we will discuss that much later).
In the view of the ‘size matters’ advocates, as long as the size of a man’s organ isn’t big enough for the width of a woman’s vagina, no matter how good he is, she won’t reach sexual climax.

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The 4 people championing the course for ‘usage’ however insist that size does in fact matter with one going as far as quoting the preacher, Myles Munroe who said “when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. In the words of two ‘usage’ advocates; “Size doesn’t matter. Some sizes could be big and still not function properly so what matters is how skilled the owner is at using it. Size only adds to the feeling”.

However, out of the 10 people questioned, whereas five chose ‘size’ and four opted for ‘usage’, one stood out completely. The purpose of this article is looking at her very interesting view on the subject matter.

In Halimat’s opinion, size doesn’t matter and usage doesn’t really matter, ‘aura’ matters.
In her words “It all depends on the mind and desire. The mind works in mysterious ways. It creates the picture and sends to the brain which in return produces hormones. For this reason a person can be sexually attracted to a woman who is endowed without her necessarily using that endowment in bed. It’s all about the mind of an individual not the size or usage of the joystick”.

 

It took me a while to understand her point of view but then it hit me.

A girl can fall for the body of a man who’s not good in bed and with a small organ because her mind has taken her satisfaction from the actual sex to the aura surrounding him. Only his hands over her, his kisses, his touch, his tongue, his words, his sweat, his energy makes her achieve climax. Her mind has rewired her brain from the ‘size’ and ‘usage’ mentality to the ‘aura’ mentality. Makes total sense.

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Just like a car owner who loves a particular car, dreams of the car, craves for the car only to get the car and find out that it consumes too much fuel or doesn’t drive as he had wished fast. His love for the car would require his brain to ignore the other elements not working to his taste.

Same way a girl can love a guy that cheats but still stay in the relationship because he takes good care of her and makes her happy.
The same way a man can stay with a lady girl in bed because her booty is made of silicon.

Same way a girl can become a single mother for Davido just because of the aura (fame, money, influence, power, personality) he carries around with him.
Think about it.

So when next you are asked the question, does size matter. Maybe your answer should be, ‘no, size doesn’t matter, aura does’.

On a different note, maybe we are just crazy and might never know what women really want…lol

'will design for food 2'

Sex, Abortion and Pregnancy; Real Life Stories

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The most awkward conversation a child can ever have with his/her parents is the “sex” conversation. I can’t actually remember in detail what my mum and I discussed on that fateful day before heading to Secondary school (dad has NEVER discussed sex with me, seems he just figured that the same way animals learn without being taught, his son will learn without his input). All I can recall from my mum’s very quick sex talk that day was the line “don’t get a girl pregnant”. Those words I never ever forgot.

Sometime in the future and over 10 years since that mother-to-son discussion, the issue of sex came up. Now I was more mature and had just finished University. Commenting on a story she either heard on radio or from one of her many gist-me-I-gist-you friends she said like a woman who meant every word; “Girls nowadays would get pregnant for a man, literally arm twist him into marrying her and they end up having a miserable marriage. My son, please if you have to have sex, use a condom. And remember this, I will not bless any marriage you get the woman pregnant before marrying her. Because more often than not, it’s either the child isn’t yours or you marry her not because you love her but because of the child and that’s a big mistake on its own”.

Those words have stuck by me over the years and no woman born of a woman, dead or alive can lay claim to EVER having a child for me, aborting a child or even missing her period because of me. Never.

In the World we live in today, it’s no secret that children are Heavenly and transform the union of a man and a woman into a family. But this only happens when a woman conceives after marriage not before marriage. When a man marries a woman because she gave birth to his child not because he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her then that marriage is bound to end up in divorce. Doubt me? Ask Americans.

To further buttress my point, two real life examples stand out.

1. Jennifer is a 31 year old lady I call my adopted elder sister. She recently got engaged with her wedding coming up later in the year. The issue is her intentions to get pregnant before marriage because the Doctor detected some anomalies in her womb. In her words “I want to try and get pregnant before we get married because it affords me the opportunity to find out if I can really conceive before getting married”.

2. Jerry is a young man in his late 20s. He is currently in a relationship with Sade who he intends getting married to after she finishes school and he’s more financially buoyant. The issue is that he got another girl (Bimpe) pregnant, she refused to abort a long time ago, she’s almost due and Bimpe’s parents demand he MARRIES her. To add flavor to the story, Bimpe already has a 6 year old child for another man and Sade is unaware of her boyfriend’s “predicament”.

Both are true stories with the names changed for confidentiality purposes.

So this is a summary of both stories, a girl wants to get pregnant before marriage just to ascertain her child bearing potency while another girl is intent on using a child to tie down another guy.

My advice to Jennifer:
Babe, to start with, you are a devout member of a Bible believing church which will never wed a couple with a pregnant bride.
Secondly, as a Christian with knowledge of the tenets of Christianity, you are aware that sex before marriage and pregnancy before marriage is a sin.
Thirdly, getting married is not to bear children but to spend the rest of your life with the love of your life. Children are an addition not a must have. (People happily adopt for crying out loud).
Another important point is a result of the “experiment” to get pregnant. So what happens if you try getting pregnant days before the wedding and fail. Would he still intend going ahead with the wedding?
What if you get pregnant and he ends up changing his mind about getting married to you? What then happens to the child?
Lastly, as a God believing Christian, you are aware that children are a heritage of God (Psalms 127:3-5), children are a “good thing” and God would never deny His sons and daughters good things (Psalms 84:11) and finally the Bible says in Exodus 23:26 that “none will miscarry or be barren in your land”. So babe, after all these assurances, instead of believing in the Doctor’s report why not believe in God’s report that you will have a child. Get married and have a child. Not have a child then get married.

My advice to Jerry:
For starters, having a child outside wedlock isn’t advisable but it isn’t the end of the World. Children are beautiful and amazing creatures. I know single mothers who intended aborting their babies but after childbirth, these same babies mean the World to these mums. Instead of denying the child, owe up and accept the baby (after a comprehensive paternity test is carried out and you are the father).
Secondly, tell your girlfriend the truth about this child, beg for her forgiveness, tell her of your intentions to be a great father to your child and ask her to help you bring the child up as the other parent.
Thirdly, don’t even contemplate being forced into marrying a woman because she has a child for you. Never. You don’t choose who becomes your child’s mother (could be a one night stand or happen “by mistake”) but you choose who becomes your wife. Never be forced to make that decision.

While advising Jerry and Jennifer, my mum’s words kept ringing in my ears. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, don’t be deceived by thesed clueless celebrities encouraging the baby mama syndrome. Never introduce a child before marriage. Never.