What IF banana FALL on you today?

 

'will design for fo2'

What IF I told you that banana would FALL on you now, what would you say? Lol.

The Nigerian music scene has been laden with so much sexual innuendo that one can’t help but flinch when eating fruits these days.

No fruit or plant has escaped musicians wrath with cassava, cucumber, banana, eggplant all caught in their sexually explicit lingua franca.

d8b460e0e7c0e239ff50d0d5ceec7325--job-memes-stuff-to-buy

These sexual undertones have endeared most to these artists and their songs but taking a deeper look into the male organ, what do women really have to say about its size and usage?

In an impromptu survey conducted on a group of 10 friends, ‘size matters’ came up tops for 5 participants, 4 went for ‘usage’ while the last one went for something I never heard in my life (we will discuss that much later).
In the view of the ‘size matters’ advocates, as long as the size of a man’s organ isn’t big enough for the width of a woman’s vagina, no matter how good he is, she won’t reach sexual climax.

2015-10-15-1444924910-3253392-PenisBanana

The 4 people championing the course for ‘usage’ however insist that size does in fact matter with one going as far as quoting the preacher, Myles Munroe who said “when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. In the words of two ‘usage’ advocates; “Size doesn’t matter. Some sizes could be big and still not function properly so what matters is how skilled the owner is at using it. Size only adds to the feeling”.

However, out of the 10 people questioned, whereas five chose ‘size’ and four opted for ‘usage’, one stood out completely. The purpose of this article is looking at her very interesting view on the subject matter.

In Halimat’s opinion, size doesn’t matter and usage doesn’t really matter, ‘aura’ matters.
In her words “It all depends on the mind and desire. The mind works in mysterious ways. It creates the picture and sends to the brain which in return produces hormones. For this reason a person can be sexually attracted to a woman who is endowed without her necessarily using that endowment in bed. It’s all about the mind of an individual not the size or usage of the joystick”.

 

It took me a while to understand her point of view but then it hit me.

A girl can fall for the body of a man who’s not good in bed and with a small organ because her mind has taken her satisfaction from the actual sex to the aura surrounding him. Only his hands over her, his kisses, his touch, his tongue, his words, his sweat, his energy makes her achieve climax. Her mind has rewired her brain from the ‘size’ and ‘usage’ mentality to the ‘aura’ mentality. Makes total sense.

ae6aff8c41bfc200b7b7ef9f286fd579--banana-peels-food-blogs

Just like a car owner who loves a particular car, dreams of the car, craves for the car only to get the car and find out that it consumes too much fuel or doesn’t drive as he had wished fast. His love for the car would require his brain to ignore the other elements not working to his taste.

Same way a girl can love a guy that cheats but still stay in the relationship because he takes good care of her and makes her happy.
The same way a man can stay with a lady girl in bed because her booty is made of silicon.

Same way a girl can become a single mother for Davido just because of the aura (fame, money, influence, power, personality) he carries around with him.
Think about it.

So when next you are asked the question, does size matter. Maybe your answer should be, ‘no, size doesn’t matter, aura does’.

On a different note, maybe we are just crazy and might never know what women really want…lol

'will design for food 2'

When The Pen is The Right Size

1432969198_522223_289041954506873_203439909_n

Looking back at my early teenage years growing up, one event remains ever vivid in my memory and shaped my perception of sex forever.

I don’t know if I would tag what happened that fateful day a cruel punishment or a sick joke but what transpired between my roommates and the “evil seniors” was hella cruel.

We had just finished eating dinner in the hostel and had gone to the hostel to sleep when a senior called for a junior from our room for whatever purpose known to him.

A Senior simply had to say “Junior come to my room” and available juniors in that room were to rush to the senior with immediate alacrity.

So senior says “Junior come to my room” and everyone including myself pretends to be sleeping. Senior proceeds to the room, wakes everyone up and matches us to his room for punishment.

Senior and his mates with their sick sense of humor proceeds to humiliate us by making us all remove our trousers and for them to examine our dicks.

Every boy’s private part was scrutinized with small James a butt of most of their jokes.
“Will this one even impregnate a girl? With his penis like pencil” one said while the others laughed.

We were barely 13 years old so you can imagine the embarrassment on our innocent faces.

The biggest dicks were allowed to go back to the room unpunished while the ones with the smallest dicks were to be whipped with belts and made to wash all the seniors clothes.

That experience invariably implanted the notion that the bigger a man’s dick, the more manly he is and the more attractive he was to girls. Simple.

But (a big but actually), becoming sexually active has taught me something drastically different about the “the bigger the better” notion.

When I was younger, I never gave much thought to the size of my penis. I was well endowed growing up and I was very pleased with what nature had given me, I expected my partners to be happy with it, too.

Wrong!!!

Sex isn’t meant to be unpleasant and I didn’t want to hurt anybody but even when I was trying to be gentle it seemed unavoidable, and I found that hard to accept. I was apparently too big and that became my curse.

Concerning the size of a man’s penis and satisfying a woman, I have experienced the “too big” level and also heard “too small” tales wherein a lady is asking her partner if he’s in when he is actually in. Depressing stories.

3265977_orig

Every single woman is an individual, so I can’t generalize for all women but its safe to say that a woman’s preference for the size of a man’s penis is mainly dependent on two factors; the width of her vagina and her pain tolerance level.

For example, it would be suicidal for a virgin looking to open her sexual account to open with a large audience (I’m sure you get my drift..lol).

Alternatively, women who have given birth vaginally to children, and/or are sexually active would most likely be a little wider down there and more adventurous. These women may prefer men who are a little bit thicker (but not necessarily longer).

Some women can have just a little bit wider vagina than other women do and the width of her vagina would naturally determine the size of penis she becomes comfortable accommodating.

Pain threshold on the other hand is the maximum level of pain that a person is able to tolerate. Some ladies have a higher pain tolerance level than others which would make taking a bigger dick a risk worth taking and the more pain she tolerates, the further her pain threshold (the point at which pain begins to be felt) is pushed and the gradually her hormones and mind converts the pain to pleasure.

In fact, where size is concerned, most women think it’s girth (width) that matters, not length. Ladies just want to be able to feel you inside of them. Simple.

One very important point: most women do not orgasm through penis-in-vagina intercourse. Some do (approximately 25%, from what I hear). The remaining 75% need a man to focus on stimulating her clitoris and/or other parts of her vulva, and/or her G-spot. This can be done with the penis, but in that case the size of your penis really doesn’t matter one bit. And a majority of women seem to prefer oral sex (cunnilingus). No penis needed at all.

For women, achieving orgasm isn’t a simple in-and-out procedure the way it is for men. You’re going to have to start all over again with every single woman you have sex with, learning what works for her. So you may be figuring out by now, verbal communication is key. Ask her.

So anyone that tells you that ladies prefer it big isn’t entirely truthful with you.

In as much as ladies don’t like small dicks, no one wants to encounter a womb destroyer.

Long story short: it matters somewhat, but how said person is in bed (and how willing they are to be flexible and do what needs to be done for their partner) is way more important.” Becky

The most important thing to satisfying a lady is more what they do with their hands and mouth, rather than the penis being the only sexual effort!

Size is nice and definitely a plus, but if a guy know how to use it and have other ‘skills,’ then sometimes it doesn’t matter.

a70b6450-3245-0133-5b2c-0aecee5a8273

References:
25 Women Share Their Thoughts on Whether Penis Size Matters on Bustle.com

43 Love Secrets on AskMen.com

How Women Really Feel About Penis Size on PsychologytToday.com

Does Size Really Matter on Mariecliare.co.uk

Why Does Size Matter to Almost Every Female on Quora.com

Underage Sex: When YES Means NO

how-consensual-sex-got-a-freshman-kicked-out-of-college-and-started-a-huge-debate

The year was 2011 and upon seeing my posting letter in camp, I didn’t know whether to disappear or let the ground swallow me. I was posted to one of the riverine areas in Bayelsa even after working/pleading/arranging/paying to be posted to the state capital, Yenegoa.

I couldn’t swim, I didn’t have a life jacket, I had never really traveled on water and here I had to report to a riverine area which was about 40 minutes trip on water.

In this despair, I disappeared to Lagos to contemplate my next plan of action. I resumed duty after a month when my hopes of a re-posting appeared bleak and had to forfeit my N19,800 allowee as punishment for absconding from duty.

Upon resumption at my PPA (Place of Primary Assignment), I noticed the following about the community.

# No light. No NEPA. Generators were the order of the day.
# No network. None. The river bank was your best chance of making and receiving calls.
# No running water. Water from the river was your only chance of getting water. The same river the villagers had their bath, washed their clothes and even poo’d in.
# The underage girls in the village where either pregnant or sexually active.

As a Petroleum Engineering graduate, I started off as an English and Biology teacher partly to teach sex education and help improve their spoken and written English.

One thing I swore never to do and never did was take advantage of my elevated position as a teacher/Corper to defile the small girls in the school or community.

I never allowed female students to visit me in the corper’s lodge (which was in the same compound with the school). I never for once discussed sexual topics privately with any female student. I never for once touched any female student inappropriately. I never for once made sexual advances at any female student.

I respected myself, the little children under my care, their parents and God.

Luke 12:48 “….For to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom men have committed much, from him they will ask the more”.

The responsibly of these girls. The care of these girls. The innocence of these girls. The future sexual conduct of these girls were inadvertently in my hands.

Why would I then subvert myself into a sexual predator preying on the inquisitiveness and ignorance of these teenage girls?

It was with disdain and anger that I read the news of one Gbadamosi Mayowa, an NYSC corps member serving in a secondary Edo state bragging of receiving head from one of his female students. In his FB post, he was quoted as saying “When your student wants the dick and you are contemplating. At the end she gon go down and suck the hell out of you……. #Babyboy #EdoCorper #BadGang”.

screenshot_20170216-103321

This deranged Corper even boasted in previous posts of giving his students alcohol. Imagine the effrontery.

His posts caused an uproar and he has since deleted his Facebook account. Below are a few of the reactions to his sexual perversions.

screenshot_20170216-113514

screenshot_20170216-113509

screenshot_20170216-113505

This is lesson to all male Corpers currently serving in mixed or girls only schools. Leave your students alone. If it’s sex you desire, get a mature girl to satisfy your sexual urge. You should be a pillar to these sexually naïve girls instead of taking advantage of them, robbing them of their innocence and turning teenage girls into nymphos.

screenshot_20170216-114055

The Corper should be arrested and made to pay for his sexual exuberance. Having sex with underage in Western countries would bag you a prison sentence but in Nigeria, not even a police report is issued. When would we as a country begin to protect our girls from sexual predators in the kind of Gbadamosi Mayowa?

But wait a minute. Some places in my dear country allow girls as young as 13 years to be given up in marriage.

small pikin.jpg

Seems we are fighting a lost battle.

7 Reasons You Feel Bad After Having Sex

adam-and-eve

After God created Adam, He commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest of it thou shalt surely die”.

This task wasn’t difficult for Adam to keep because the woman wasn’t created when the instruction was passed down to him. So man was busy with dressing and keeping the garden (Genesis 2:15), naming the animals (Genesis 2:19) and enjoying a daily communication/friendly gist with God (Genesis 2:18,20).

While Adam was doing his work, God saw that he needed a help-meet and then God put Adam to a deep sleep and out of his rib created woman.

Eve was created……….

Remember Eve wasn’t around when the instruction was given to Adam. Adam was the one who conveyed the message to Eve.

31118_000_005_01

Up stepped the serpent.

Now let’s understand something about the serpent who deceived both Adam and Even into eating the forbidden fruit.

Firstly, the serpent isn’t responsible for deceiving the Adam and Eve. The culprit is the devil. The serpent was only the medium to which the deception was perpetuated.

lucifer_s2_1536x2048

Secondly, the devil was formerly an angel in Heaven called Lucifer which means “Day Star” (Isaiah 14:12). Lucifer was in fact a heavenly angel created by God. He was perfect in wisdom and beauty and stood next to God’s throne/(Ezekiel 28:12). He was so beautiful and his voice so Heavenly that he was made the leader of the choir in Heaven ministering to God in worship (Ezekiel 28:13). Then Lucifer decided to attempt to unseat God and then demand that all worship him (Ezekiel 28:17, Isaiah 14:13, 14). It was treason of the worst kind. Lucifer’s discontent became open rebellion against God. One-third of heaven’s angels joined him in an attempt to overthrow God (Revelations 12:3-4). As a result, Lucifer and his followers were cast out of Heaven after they lost a fight for supremacy with Michael and his angels (Revelations 12:7-9).

e3d20df64e7fef929eb3453169774d17

So after the devil was cast down to Earth with his angels, God created Adam and gave him dominion over the Earth (Genesis 1:28-30).

The devil was having none of it. Not only did his attempt to gain power in Heaven fail so acrimoniously, even on Earth were he was cast down to, he had no power.

So he decided to wrestle power from Adam and Even by deceiving them to sin against God.

eve

In Genesis 3, the devil approached Eve and asked her if it was true that God said they couldn’t eaten the forbidden fruit. She replied “Yes, that’s what God said. We can eat other fruits but not this one because the day we eat it, we will surely die”.
The devil seeing an opportunity to strike then told her “my dear, don’t be deceived, if you eat this fruit, you will not die but your eyes will be opened”.

The gullible Eve, took a second look at the fruit, saw that it was good for food and pleasant to the eyes. She took it eat and gave it to her husband and he did also eat and their eyes were opened. Immediately they saw that they were naked and sowed leaves together and covered themselves up.

adam-and-eve2

Let’s stop here and let me show you how this story relates to sex.

Adam and Eve can be likened to every unmarried couple out there to whom God has instructed not to eat the forbidden fruit which is having premarital sex.
Remember the Bible says “the tree in the middle of the garden”. The middle of the garden connotes the penis/vagina. You are very aware that both sexual organs are in between the legs of both genders.

washing_cucumbers

The devil knows that the surest way to take power from young unmarried people on Earth is by tempting them to eat the forbidden fruit (have premarital sex).

In the Bible, he used the serpent, but today he uses porn, sexual explicit videos, sexually active friends, sugar daddies, social media, sexually perverse song lyrics, movies, friends with benefits and many other mediums.

teen-tv

Have you ever wondered why virgins are considered to be mundane, frigid and not exposed? People assume that having sex opens one’s eyes. Having sex actually opens one’s eyes but remember that’s the same promise the devil gave Eve in Genesis 3:5 ‘For God doth know, that in the day ye eat of it, then your eyes shall be opened: and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil’.

should-you-hook-up-with-your-friend

So you see the similarities……..

So taking a cue from Adam and Eve, what happens when you have premarital sex?

1. You sin and allign yourself with the devil: By rejecting one of God’s commands, Adam and Eve allied themselves with Satan, God’s enemy, and thus brought separation between themselves and God (Isaiah 59:2). “He that committeth sin is of the devil.” 1 John 3:8. Therefore by having premarital sex, you are working with the devil in rebelling against God. Simple.

06db8296156cf8c674d860750169f659

2. You hand over power to the devil: Remember Adam and Eve were given charge over Earth by God in Genesis 1:28-30 but as soon as they sinned, they lost it to Satan (Romans 6:16), who then became ruler, or prince, of the earth (John 12:31). Premarital sex or adulterous sex (sex between a married person and another person not their spouse) is directly handing over power to the devil.

9cfcb1da5b939b14fdcfc400758f9ac4

3. We become prey to the devil:  Satan bitterly hates humans, who were created in God’s image. He can’t touch God. So, instead, his venom is directed against people who are God’s children. He’s a hateful, vicious murderer whose aim is to destroy you and thus hurt God. By convincing Adam and Eve to sin against God, he made God send them packing from the Garden of Eden. By convincing you to have premarital sex, he has made you loose your heritage in Christ.

devil-battle

4. Repercussions: When Adam and Eve sinned, God cursed them. For Adam he was made to toil endlessly to get his daily bread and take care of his family. For Eve, God multiplied her sorrow and made childbirth excruciating for her. When you sin by committing adultery/fornication, there are repercussions. You will reap what you sow. It’s one of the rules of life. Galatians 6:7 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh (sexual immorality) shall from the flesh reap corruption: but he that soweth to the Spirit, shall from the Spirit reap life everlasting”.

consequences

5. Unanswered prayers: When Adam and Eve sinned against God, when God came into the garden they hid from Him. Sin makes you stink in the presence of God. It makes you unworthy and makes your prayers futile.

unanswered-prayerog

So why do some people feel bad after sex?

1. Destination: The Bible says in Ephesians 5:5 “For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. This caution was re-echo’d in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God”.
So having premarital sex means that if you were to die on that bed, you will be going to Hell.

b092925748fa47fcfc4d5c659ae3c59b

2. Sin against your body: A girl has sex and afterwards starts crying. She knows she has given out her soul and her body to someone undeserving of her. She feels guilty. Feels ashamed. Feels used. Feels unpure. She just sinned against her body and God.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

14487204_1073590076042461_6095827459507224576_n

3. Going against God’s will: God’s desire for sex is for it to be practised in marriage. For the Bible says in Hebrews 13:4a, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure”. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God”. Anytime you pleasure in sex, you displease God.

519e15a5163532fb12d6f723f0525197

4. You will be judged: The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4b “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”. Which means on the judgment day, a special judgement will be reserved for those that engage in premarital sex. So instead of seeing this as the writer judging you (remember you will be judged by God Himself later on), see it as a correction.

images-1

5. You are spiritually intertwined: Most people assume that sex is just sex. Sex is more than just sex. Sex is more spiritual that we think. Have you ever wondered why married couples begin to look and think alike after being married for so long? Sex has brought them as one.

35ebd7364e7a0408ee8afcae16a81868

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.”
You are joined in one body with all those numerous sex partners you have had. Their travails, problems and issues becomes yours.

b99969f8a840c154f81e37596398b313

6. Unanswered prayers: Have you ever wondered why your prayers to God don’t get answered? 2 Timothy 2:22 “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. God only answers those that call upon Him with a pure heart. Sexual immorality pollutes the heart.

images

7. Love for God: Lastly, premarital sex is disobedience to God and disobeying God shows you don’t love Him. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Anytime you have premarital sex, you display your love for sin and that’s showing your love for Satan because Satan is the father of sin (1 John 3:8).

13739482_637366386412498_739174830_n

NOTE: This article is not written to condemn anyone. No one is holy (Romans 3:10). No one is righteous (Ecclesiastes 7:20). No one is perfect (Romans 3:23). It is written for us to slowly and surely correct our ways. Live a life of godliness and remember “because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2).

14733722_1694977100724739_8898001377687502848_n
Get married if you can’t hold yourself and if married, remain faithful.

6a797fa19af65157006ffafea1fd75d8

Vote of Thanks: I woke up this morning without even a hint of this article. I just engaged God in my daily morning prayers and He ministered this article into my heart. I sat down and 4 hours later and in one sitting this article was birthed.

So firstly, I thank the Holy Spirit for this article.
Secondly, I need to appreciate Google for its humongous search engine capabilities. Helped me source for scriptures to back my messages and the beautiful images.
Thirdly, the guys at Amazing Facts, your article on the devil was more than helpful. Thank you. You can read up via: http://www.amazingfacts.org/media-library/study-guide/e/4979/t/did-god-create-the-devil and also Open Bible for so many wonderful scriptures on sexual immorality. Read up via: https://www.openbible.info/topics/sexual_immorality

Stay blessed.

READ: 10 Ways Sex Ruins Relationships

Children, Parents and Sex Education

image

I was about heading to boarding school at about 11 years old when my mother called me into her room for a talk. I had no idea what she had in mind until she opened her mouth.
I can’t remember all she said but one sentence stuck “you are a man now, do not get a girl pregnant”.
She didn’t seem too comfortable with the topic and the conversation was over faster than it started.

I was a kid who knew nothing about the female anatomy, knew nothing about sexual intercourse, knew nothing about pregnancy but was given an ultimatum “do not get a girl pregnant?” How do I even get a girl pregnant? I didn’t know but was never told.

My dad? The word ‘sex’ seems like a forbidden word because I have never heard him utter any sentence with ‘sex’ embedded in it.

All I know about sex, I had to learn from external sources. I was fortunate to keep my virginity till I was done with my teenage years but that was out of lack of opportunity not intentional.

So my question is, when is it really okay to discuss sex with children? Should parents leave it up to teachers in school? Or friends in the neighborhood?

sex-education_2433736b

Let’s take a look Ebun’s story.

Little Ebun Joseph (pseudonym) was given a rude introduction into the meaning of sex in the most unimaginable way. And it stemmed from what was supposed to be a seemingly harmless question.

“Daddy, what is sex?” The little girl asked one day after school.

The father, who is a clergy, hushed her up gently but firmly. He told her she was not supposed to mention such a word in the house again. The inquisitive little girl sulked up to her mother and asked the same question. She got a similar response.

The next day, still unsatisfied by the answers given by her parents, Ebun asked her mother’s driver as he drove her to school.

“Uncle, what is sex?”

In a moment of surprise, the driver’s mood was twisted by morbid fascination. He warned her not to tell her parents what he was about to teach her. The little girl innocently agreed. He decided to ‘show’ her the meaning. He raped her. She was just six years old at the time. The little girl was too scared to tell her parents. She went through that ordeal until she was 15, without the knowledge of her parents.

1227474247318

Experts on sex matters have warned about the dangers of parents shying away from discussing sex with their children.

One of them is a child sexuality educator and relationship expert, Mr. Praise Fowowe. He said there was danger in not empowering children about sex education during their impressionable years.

“This is because the strength of a sex predator is the ignorance of a child. But once the child is adequately equipped with the right, appropriate knowledge about sex, it would then be impossible for a predator to molest that child. Sex education, just like charity, should start from the home,” Fowowe said.

According to Science Daily, sex education “is a broad term used to describe education about human sexual anatomy, sexual reproduction, sexual intercourse, and other aspects of human sexual behaviour.”

Fowowe further explained that sex education for children must consider the well-being of a child. “This includes letting them aware of their body parts, and how they respond and react to things about their bodies,” he said.

Also, a counselling and developmental psychologist at the Department of Counselling and Human Development Studies, University of Ibadan, Oyo State, Prof. Ajibola Falaye, advised parents to introduce sex education to children when they started to ask curious questions about their bodies and the making of babies.

She stated, ‘‘From psychology, we know that some form of basic sex education should begin from between the ages of three to six. Some children start having immature sex feelings at a young age. When children ask questions about anatomical differences in gender, parents should be able to explain to them with straightforward answers, and not muddled interpretation.

“You don’t have to give too many details to children about sex. It should be said in a way that children can understand and appreciate.”

images

However, sex education remains a controversial issue, especially in this clime where some, for religious leanings and fears, believe that children, at whatever age, should not be taught about sex or anything remotely related to it.

A parenting counsellor and children life coach, Mr. Kingsley Obom-Egbulem, said some people have kicked against teaching children about the issues related to sex because of the word ‘sex.’

He said, “Some people have been kicking against sex education because they believe that when one uses the word sex, one is actually talking about sexual intercourse and not just the anatomy. But when it comes to children, I believe parents should start telling their children about their private body parts as from the age of one or two. This would help the child to understand his or her body as he or she grows up.”

Obom-Egbulem likened such basic sex education to ‘arming children against abuse.”

He stated, “Sexual abuse is a real concern at that level. We should draw a line between sex education and sexual intercourse. Parents should help their children to become familiar and comfortable with their body parts.

For child rights activist, Mrs. Helen Oshikoya, “Children should be made to be aware of the basics about their body parts. Also, one can inform them that if they are touched inappropriately or gestures of sexual contents are made to them, they should report such to their parents.”

Besides, Fowowe added that sex education should begin at different stages.

He explained further: “There is what is called age appropriation sexual education, The first stage can start when the child is between 18 months and three years, the next stage is from ages three to five; then five to eight, eight to 12, and from 13 to 18. At these different stages, the children are taught different basics about sex and values according to the age and maturity.’’

He also said, “The challenge is that when parents hear of sexual education, they think it is connotes teaching them about penetration sex. That is not even involved until the child is old enough, at about 13 or 14. From the age of three for example, the child needs to be taught about the body parts, and the proper names and differences between private and public body parts and how to handle the parts. For the younger ages, story-telling, role plays and songs are good methods to use in teaching them basic sex education. From five years upwards, the format changes, which includes, ‘fire on the mountain’ – what children should avoid, and so on.”

Falaye said parents should take it as a responsibility to teach their children basic sex education, and not leave it to others to teach them. She noted that the lack of sex education and awareness of the issue had led to several problems plaguing children and society.

She said, “Experimentation in adolescence and peer influence causes a lot of misguided sexual actions. That’s why there should be mother-daughter, father-son communication on sex education, and let them know the right information. Research has shown that when there is good mother-daughter communication on sex, the girl is wholesome as far as sex behaviour is concerned. It is the same with the father-son relationship.”

On her part, Founder, Media Concern Initiative, Princess Olufemi-Kayode, agreed with Falaye, adding that the best time to teach sex education should be immediately the child started inquiring about it.

She said, ‘‘It is the best time to start teaching one’s child about basic sex education also called sexuality or life skill education, just like one tells children that they should stay away from fire and the reasons why; because today’s children are more advanced and their curiosity is more heightened.”

Olufemi-Kayode noted that parents should also get some needed education to give their kids better education on issues of sex.

Fowowe also noted that it was needful for parents to begin giving their children sex education at an early age because of the rate of sexual exposure from outside sources, including television, Internet and from peers.

Also speaking, a parent, Mr. John Adewuyi, said it was proper to teach children sex education at early ages in order for them to be empowered sexually as they advance in age. “This includes teaching them about their body parts and why daddy is different from mummy,”he said.

It’s high time parents and guardians take the bull by the horn and educated their children and wards to stop the growing trend of paedophiles violating   these little ones.

If you are too shy to discuss sex with your children, someone out there won’t be too shy to teach them a thing or two about sex.

Be guided.

sex ed take 4

Edited from an article by ARUKAINO UMUKORO for www.punchng.com

Adolescents And Their Challenges

The Relentless Builder - Portrait

Growing up as a little boy, life was more or less stress free. Not only did I not to have to bother myself with working for my upkeep (my parents were glad to help out in that aspect) but the hardest thing I had to do then was to read for those annoying exams and come home with a befitting result card. Life couldn’t have been better with this care free life one lived as a child, not having a care in the World about keeping up appearances, working hard to make money, looking good or even taking care of the home. Life was good.
Life with this laize faire attitude continued up until the morning that I consider changed my life forever. I woke up on this beautiful morning about to prepare for school when I noticed a sticky white substance on my pyjamas. I was about 11 or 12 years old. I had (after asking my friends) just witnessed my first wet dream and saw my first sperm and that realization that I was finally a MAN changed my life forever.

As an adolescent, I faced many challenges from accepting the rapid changes in my body to recognizing and respecting the opposite sex. Below are a few problems I and other adolescents face:

1. Recognizing body changes: A boy suddenly goes from having a childish voice to a more masculine bass voice. He wakes up everyday to realize that his manhood or should I tell it boyhood because of his age is getting bigger day by day and pubic hair is beginning to sprout and surround it. His chest is beginning to get broader and hair is growing around it like weed on a plantation. These changes coupled with the increase in testosterone levels connives to give a young boy sleepless nights and arouses the question “what’s really going on?”.

2. Independence: Life with a disciplinarian mother was like walking bar footed on a ground with broken bottles hidden in unsuspecting places. You take the wrong step and you get what African’s call “an ass whopping”. Mum wasn’t all that bad, she was adorable must times but the quest to become a “big boy” who couldn’t be flogged anymore plagued my young mind more times than I could remember.
As adolescents, the crave for independence, the kind of independence an ill prepared Nigeria demanded from United Kingdom. The I-don’t-think-I-am-ready-but-I-want-out type of independence plaques every adolescent. We craved for the right to be treated as semi adults, to make our own decisions, to come back home late, to sleep whenever and play video games forever.

3. Peer pressure: Peer pressure is simply influence from members of one’s peer group and it’s no secret that this has led a countless number of adolescents to committing social vices. Although peer pressure could be termed positive wherein influence from members of one’s peer group causes ripples of positive effects in a teenager, its negatives clearly outweighs the positives.
As a teenager, the upright upbringing of my parents and my resolve to make them proud gave me this disciplined and not easily ‘swayable’ nature which helped me evade the negative tentacles of peer pressure. I was deemed a weakling because I refused to experiment with smoking and other vices. Many adolescents don’t have such resolve and have been caught pants down committing atrocities like drug and substance abuse that even some grown ups would be ashamed of.

4. Acceptance: The bittersweet recollections of life in boarding school still lingers in my memory. One aspect I readily recall was resuming to school from home one new term with half a box of provisions and staring at my roommate with his two boxes full of provisions and wondering if his parents loved him more than mine loved me. “How come he had so much more provisions than I did”, I recall thinking.
To add insult into injury, his “pocket money” was over 5 times mine. It took sometime for me to accept that our families had different financial standing and as the saying goes “all fingers are not equal”.
Most adolescents have struggled with acceptance on issues like the financial capability of their parents which has resulted in seeking money elsewhere and have gotten themselves burnt in the process. Other areas teenagers have struggled with acceptance include their body physique, their looks, the height, their complexion, their sporting ability and many more.

5. Self image: Adolescents that have struggled with acceptance have also struggled to maintain a positive self image. Cases abound where teenagers tend to seek self affirmation from the opposite sex and would do anything to feel important and loved instead of loving themselves first. With this quest for “outside love” comes a great risk of hurt which could result in heartbreak which could lead to depression and in some cases, suicidal thoughts.

6. Career direction: Most adolescents grow up without a distinctive plan for their lives. All they know is that they want to grow up, get some education, make some money, live independent, have families and live happily ever after.
As a teenager, I grew up watching sports stars like David Beckham and Kobe Bryant make so much money and bask in the euphoria of stardom that my quest to become a sports star grew but after staring at my thin frame in the mirror at my old age, I realized sports wasn’t for me. The next best thing was Engineering, Medicine or Law or even Politics which were and still are the most cherished professions in Nigeria.
Choosing a career path out of the above was as tricky was choosing what to eat from a 5 star buffet but my determination to learn how to make things work prompted my decision to study Engineering. Most teenagers aren’t always this lucky and this debacle has led to countless sleepless nights, wrong career choices and failed courses.

7. Spirituality: Children are usually brought up in the faith of their parents/guardians and have no choice but to follow suit. These adolescents no matter their conviction or spiritually inclination risk being labeled a rebel if they as little as entertained the idea of changing their faith or denomination. A girl who is more comfortable wearing trousers is forced to wear skirts because according to her parents “its a sin for a girl to wear trousers in our church”. This problem has affected many adolescent’s spiritual life and life in general because they are forced to abide by rules they don’t believe in.

8. Divided homes: One of the hidden but definitely the biggest problems adolescents face while growing up is what I’ll term “the divided family” syndrome. This ranges from wrestling parents (the type that fight with each other every single day) to Mike Tyson fathers (the type of men that beat their wives at every provocation) and ultimately to home fronts without either of the parents.
Put yourself in the shoes a little girl growing up into a lady but living with just her father and two male siblings. Your parents have been living separately with daddy left to take care of you. You continuously face girl related challenges and there it mother figure to confide in. Another example is that of a boy living with his mother and three younger siblings. He’s facing girl and sex related issues with no father figure to provide support.
Parenting is usually a two way thing, no parent has the monopoly of child upbringing skills and would usually require the help of the other partner to bring up their children. But when marital crisis brings an abrupt end to this Heavenly partnership, it takes Heaven’s help to remedy the situation. To further buttress the importance of joint parenting, a 1994 study by Winsconsin juveniles and a 1987 “Survey of Youth in Custody” will be taken into account. While the first report concluded that 67% of juveniles didn’t grow up with their married parents, the second came up with even bleaker findings, which stated that 70% of youths in custody in the U.S did not grow up with both parents.

9. Undue attention (for girls): According Amaka, an undergraduate studying Economics in Delta State University, “Growing up as a girl was baffling to say the least”. She continues “Life as a little girl was fun and being the baby of the house got be pampered with favors and helped me escape punishment times without number. As a 13 year old skinny and smallish girl, I was not as physically mature as my mates of the same age and that bothered me as first because I taught I was abnormal but after speaking to my parents, I saw it as a blessing in disguise. Whereas my mates were getting unduly approached and pestered by boys and older men, I was left alone to read my books. It all changed as I approached 15 years and my body features started sprouting as if awoken from a deep slumber. This made me an envy amongst fellow girls and caused an increase in the stares received from boys/men. This unwanted attention bothered me and upon consultation with my elder sisters decided to “grow into the attention of men”. I am of the opinion that many young girls have been overwhelmed by such attention and without proper guidance have made mistakes.

10. Sex: One of the most critical issues bothering adolescents is sex related. For this chapter, we will discuss 5 categories and 4 sub categories.

A. Sexual feelings: Adolescents grow up to discover that they are becoming attracted to the opposite sex in many different ways. The feelings seem to be getting stronger as they get older and if unchecked could lead to:

B. Premarital sex: Due to the sexual hormones ravaging an adolescent’s system, the undiluted display of sexuality in movies nowadays, public display of nudity as a perverted form of fashion and the lack of proper sex education, adolescents run the risk of experimenting with sex from an early age. This could lead to:

C. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD): As a result of lack of sexual awareness, these adolescents tend to experiment with sex without taking precautionary measures which could lead to contacting STDs like gonorrhoea, syphilis and even HIV.

D. Pregnancy: Again due to lack of adherence to preventive measures while having sex, adolescent girls are susceptible to getting pregnant out of wedlock which could result in one or all of the following:

I. Childbirth: A little girl without the mental and physical maturity of a grownup is forced by her mistakes to mother a child. A task she is evidently ill-prepared for.

II. Shame: The shame that accompanies teenage pregnancy is enormous in Africa. Most adolescent girls are impregnated by teenage boys who either deny paternity or aren’t prepared to become fathers themselves. The parents are often too ashamed to be grandparents so soon and treat the young mother with disregard.

III. School dropout: Such premature mothers are forced to drop out of school in order to give birth and nurture the child to certain age which would affect their upbringing and career prospects if not handled properly.

IV. Public ridicule: Teenage mothers are often ridiculed in public and termed wayward and promiscuous and in the African context would find it harder to get married to a suitor for marriage because most families would kick against single mother spouses for their sons.

E. Abortion: A scared adolescent girl discovers she’s pregnant and fears the damage it would have on her parents ad family opts for abortion which could result in one or all of the following:

I. Physical scar: Depending on the authenticity of the medical license of the doctor tasked with the undertaking the abortion procedure with most simply “quack doctors”. If the procedure is not managed properly, the womb of the little girl could be damaged leading to problems with childbirth in the future.

II. Mental scar: Many girls have admitted crying out of regret for aborting a child. The mental torture remains with them for life and could lead to suicidal thoughts or an unhappy life.

These problems associated with sex has led to shattered lives and even aborted dreams when not handled properly.

Adolescents are precious and should be handled as such. For continuous study, read:

30 Parental Principles For Bringing Up A Child (Part 1 of 3)

30 Parental Principles For Bringing Up A Child (Part 2 of 3)
30 Parental Principles For Bringing Up A Child (Part 3 of 3)

References:
1. Survey of Youth in Custody, 1987 by Bureau of Justice Statistics.
2. Family Statistics of Delinquents in Juvenile Correctional Facilities in Wisconsin by The Department.

Photo credit:
http://www.therelentlessbuilder.com