What IF banana FALL on you today?

 

'will design for fo2'

What IF I told you that banana would FALL on you now, what would you say? Lol.

The Nigerian music scene has been laden with so much sexual innuendo that one can’t help but flinch when eating fruits these days.

No fruit or plant has escaped musicians wrath with cassava, cucumber, banana, eggplant all caught in their sexually explicit lingua franca.

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These sexual undertones have endeared most to these artists and their songs but taking a deeper look into the male organ, what do women really have to say about its size and usage?

In an impromptu survey conducted on a group of 10 friends, ‘size matters’ came up tops for 5 participants, 4 went for ‘usage’ while the last one went for something I never heard in my life (we will discuss that much later).
In the view of the ‘size matters’ advocates, as long as the size of a man’s organ isn’t big enough for the width of a woman’s vagina, no matter how good he is, she won’t reach sexual climax.

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The 4 people championing the course for ‘usage’ however insist that size does in fact matter with one going as far as quoting the preacher, Myles Munroe who said “when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. In the words of two ‘usage’ advocates; “Size doesn’t matter. Some sizes could be big and still not function properly so what matters is how skilled the owner is at using it. Size only adds to the feeling”.

However, out of the 10 people questioned, whereas five chose ‘size’ and four opted for ‘usage’, one stood out completely. The purpose of this article is looking at her very interesting view on the subject matter.

In Halimat’s opinion, size doesn’t matter and usage doesn’t really matter, ‘aura’ matters.
In her words “It all depends on the mind and desire. The mind works in mysterious ways. It creates the picture and sends to the brain which in return produces hormones. For this reason a person can be sexually attracted to a woman who is endowed without her necessarily using that endowment in bed. It’s all about the mind of an individual not the size or usage of the joystick”.

 

It took me a while to understand her point of view but then it hit me.

A girl can fall for the body of a man who’s not good in bed and with a small organ because her mind has taken her satisfaction from the actual sex to the aura surrounding him. Only his hands over her, his kisses, his touch, his tongue, his words, his sweat, his energy makes her achieve climax. Her mind has rewired her brain from the ‘size’ and ‘usage’ mentality to the ‘aura’ mentality. Makes total sense.

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Just like a car owner who loves a particular car, dreams of the car, craves for the car only to get the car and find out that it consumes too much fuel or doesn’t drive as he had wished fast. His love for the car would require his brain to ignore the other elements not working to his taste.

Same way a girl can love a guy that cheats but still stay in the relationship because he takes good care of her and makes her happy.
The same way a man can stay with a lady girl in bed because her booty is made of silicon.

Same way a girl can become a single mother for Davido just because of the aura (fame, money, influence, power, personality) he carries around with him.
Think about it.

So when next you are asked the question, does size matter. Maybe your answer should be, ‘no, size doesn’t matter, aura does’.

On a different note, maybe we are just crazy and might never know what women really want…lol

'will design for food 2'

Women and Sex in Marriage

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I was having a conversation with a single friend when the issue of sex in marriage came up. She is sexually active but frowns at the slightest sexual approach by her boyfriend. Not because she is being spiritual but to her sex is overrated, painful and a total waste of time. I found her plight quite pitiful but the idea of sex could be rebuffed while unmarried but “what happens when you get married?”, I asked her. She looked lost in thought and replied quiet meekly “the truth is that I don’t know”.

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On another day, I was conversing with another friend, this time a married woman who confided in me about her husband’s insatiable sexual appetite. In her words, “I was a virgin when we got married but he wasn’t. I knew I would have to sexually satisfy him as his wife but I never knew the task would be this cumbersome. His appetite is off the chain. I have had to use my period, headache, fever, tiredness, bad mood as excuses to wiggle myself away from his advances but he is no longer letting me off easy. That’s what I signed for when I got married so I have no choice but to carry my cross..lol”

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Does it mean that men are naturally sexually insatiable? That women have to literally work hard to keep up?
Not at all. Read on please.

The story of Felicia (pseudonym) comes to mind to show that women could be the aggressor in this case.
She got married a few years back to the love of her life as she fondly calls him. They have a beautiful baby girl together and they are happy. But she’s not entirely happy though. Her sex life according to her is not blossoming like the family is. Her major concern is her husband’s premature ejaculation (when a man ejaculates too quickly during sex mostly under a few minutes). In her words, “he is very loving in bed but he cums too fast and its very frustrating. Before I even get my groove on, he has finished and it makes me very sad. I would give an arm for him to satisfy me sexually not just make me pregnant”, she concluded.

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Is she alone in their quest for sexual satisfaction by her husband? Far from it.

A story I stumbled across making the news recently is that of one Sondra Earle-Kelly in the UK who allegedly battered her husband because he refused to have sex with her. According to Metro UK, 51-year-old Kelly hurled ceramic figurines at her husband when he refused to stop watching TV and make love to her then proceeded to beat him with a pair of nunchucks. Police found blood on the walls of the couple’s apartment when they arrived. Earle-Kelly, who was also said to have taken a tranquiliser tablets over the course of the evening, was charged with aggravated domestic violence and spent the night in a Charlotte, South Carolina police cell.

She literally beat up her husband for not having sex with her. I doubt a Nigerian woman would take things to that extreme but the message is resoundingly clear: sex is important in marriage. Very important I must add.

When getting married, remember the Bible said in 1 Corinthians 7:4 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

That’s the truth, your body is not yours, it belongs to your spouse. If you don’t like sex, please don’t get married to a man with an insatiable appetite. Your period can only offer you respite of three to four days in a month. The remaining 27 days, you are on your own. Remember, spirituality does not cover for sexuality in marriage. Be wise.

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Click HERE to read the original story of the women who beat up her husband for not having sex with her.

7 Things You Should Know About Sex In Marriage

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1. It is boring: I’m sure you have heard tales about sex during marriage being exceptionally good, very emotional and very spicy. The type of sex a man thinks about while at the office and the type a woman thinks about while making her hair. Well, to an extent and depending on the couple, the above could be true but in most cases and realistically speaking, sex in marriage is boring. Don’t be deceived.
There are times you rather watch that movie or watch a soccer game or hang out with the guys or gist with the ladies or even SLEEP than have sex but since your spouse wants some, you have to give him/her some. You have no choice but to lie down there like a chicken waiting to be slaughtered if you are woman or climb her and shake like a epileptic patient if you are the man. Please rid your mind of amazing sex all time in marriage, you are gonna have boring sex. I promise you that.

2. It is selfless: Most times as singles or even as newly married couples, you will have the kissing-from-the-car-tearing-eachother-shirts-and-sex-on-the-floor kind of sex. The sex that both parties are ready and passionately interested in. But in other cases, you will have that let’s-make-a-baby sex or even the I’m-tired-from-work sex. Sex is not going to be convenient all the time but its your responsibility as a spouse to never ever leave your partner sex starved. Never.

3. It is fast: This scenario best explains this point. You guys are married with three kids who left the house for school. While chatting with your wife from work, you get horny which in turn gets her horny so you head home fast after work before the kids gets back. You get home with a wife half naked waiting for her knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet unto the bed. As you both are getting undressed, you realize that the kids are just 10 minutes away from home. No time for the usual foreplay ritual, its time for a quickie. Sex that usually takes 30 minutes to an hour is cut short to 5 minutes but in most cases, the shorter the more intense and the more intense the better. Get ready for short sex in marriage.

4. It is for life: The dark side about pre-marital sex is the fact that you can change your sexual partner when tired. So if a man doesn’t satisfy you like he used to or your woman isn’t as prolific as she used to be in bed then you can afford to switch and sign for another team (in football terms). In marriage, you stick to your partner FOR LIFE. So if her vagina has expanded due to childbirth or old age, remember its “our” vagina and you are bound to it for life. If his penis takes an hour to stand and falls less than 5 minutes later, remember its “our” penis and you are bound to it for life.

5. It is godly: Sex has long be taunted as something that is dirty, unholy and an eye sore to God. Although pre-marital sex could be termed the above especially the former, sex in marriage is anything but an eye sore to God.   Sex is beautiful, wonderful and very holy in the confines of marriage and its absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Continue Reading: “God Loves Sex

6. It is a secret: Your sex life is a secret to be guarded from your children, family members and even friends. Remember the days we asked our parents how we were born, and they would reply with “you came from Heaven”. Yes its that secretive. Your children should not even know you guys are making out. Also keep sex gist away from friends and family. Its where advice like “find a younger girl because your wife is not satisfying you” or “get yourself a small boy to make you feel like a woman” emanates from. If you need sex advice, speak to people experienced in the field.

7. It is natural: I have had girls who are virgins worry about satisfying their much experienced spouses when they married and my response has always been the same “the same way a baby was not taught how to breathe because its only natural as a human being to breathe, the same applies to sex, no one can teach you to have sex because its natural.”
When God created Adam and Eve, the Bible said in Genesis 1:7 “Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.””
What caught my attention about this verse is the fact that He told them to multiply (through sex obviously) but never taught them how to do it. Remember the verse said “He blessed them” meaning he blessed them with the act/knowledge/skill to have sex and multiply.
Never be too anxious, sex is natural to you and you will get better with time. Everyone gets better with practice, remember to learn and unlearn with your partner, be adventurous, leave your comfort zone and explore.

Enjoy a wonderful sex life IN MARRIAGE.

Is Missionary The Only Holy Sexual Position As a Pastor Said?

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During the course of the week, a video by a UK based Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo went viral where he spoke of his revelation from God about “sexual sins” committed by married couples. In his words, the Lord said amongst other things that “God’s children are confused, so they must be warned about these sins that are taking them to hell, so they will not perish. He visually showed me these people’s sins on the “judgment screen” and audibly warned against married couples masturbating on their beds, looking at pornography, oral sex, trying different styles of sexual intercourse to “spice it up,” such as “doggie style” penetration from behind, and various positions, including the wife on top (e.g., so-called “rocking horse,” “cowboy,” or “cowgirl” positions), and hanging your wife (a type of domination and bondage position, involving tying her down, intended to simulate rape). The only position that is holy in God’s sight is the face-to-face position with the husband on top.”
In a bid to explain his point, he went further “The Word teaches us that the husband is the head of the wife. ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.’ (Eph 5:23; cf. 1 Cor 11:3). He is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, not lust after her. He is supposed to take the lead in the relationship, including on the marital bed. His wife is not supposed to be the aggressor or the one taking the lead. She is the responder to his love.
He was not finished, according to him, God had something to say about oral sex, he continued “The Lord told me to say, ‘Men are my image and men are my glory! Men are the glory of God. And every time God is looking at you, He wants you to continue to promote more of His glory. If you now change the glory of God into something that is corruptible, into lust, into immorality, the Lord said you will not make it into heaven.” The Lord said, “If you are doing oral sex, you are not coming to heaven.” And the same goes for other immoral acts you do on your bed. Do not do these things. It is evil before the Lord.

To summarize his “sexual revelation” from God, he said according to God;
1. Missionary (man on-top) is the only holy sexual position because a man is the head of the wife and supposed to take the lead in the relationship even on the marital bed. Therefore any sexual position that makes a woman take the lead or dictate the pace is unholy.
2. Doggy-style and other sexual positions that mimic animals are unholy and should not be practiced by married couples.
3. Any married couple that practices oral sex are bound for hell fire.

These are my objections to his revelations:
1. The “A man is the head of a woman” message is often used by people to make a woman look like a sheep being led by a shepherd without a voice or a choice of her own. Firstly, if he uses the man is the head of a woman to insinuate that the man takes the lead in everything at home and therefore should take the lead during sex then he is also trying to say that the man should take the lead in the kitchen, take the lead in giving birth, take the lead in breastfeeding the children etc. It’s obvious that societal and difference in genetic makeup has made some responsibilities like childbirth, breastfeeding, cooking to be associated with the woman while other responsibilities like bread winning, security etc to be associated with the man. The woman takes the lead in her own role while the man takes the lead in his. Now to sex, whose responsibility is it to take the lead? The man or the woman? Depends on the couple. So this gibberish about a man taking the lead during sex is nonsensical.

2. When a woman is pregnant, missionary position is not practical because it endangers the baby and the woman, therefore other alternative positions like the spooning position where both lie side by side with the man behind the woman facing away from the protruding stomach is often advised. Is he trying to tell us that since missionary is the only holy sexual position and it can’t be used during late pregnancy, that God doesn’t want a married couple to have sex during pregnancy? Very questionable.

3. Watching pornography in marriage is wrong basically because the people you are watching having sex are committing sin. These porn stars are mostly singles committing fornication or married folks committing adultery with single folks. Bottom line, watching pornography is wrong except you are watching a sex video of you and your married partner.

4. Oral sex is not bad or evil. I repeat oral sex is not bad or evil. In his revelation, he said God took him to hell and showed him a special place in hell where people that had oral sex in marriage were burning. Seriously? So there is also a special place in hell for armed robbers, prostitutes, rapists or the likes of Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and co. Ludicrous. If you love going down on your wife/husband, please be my guest.

5. He was also of the opinion that sex between a married couple should only be conducted within the confines of their marital bed. What happened to the sitting room couch, or in the bathroom, or in the kitchen, or in the car or in the garden. It’s either this “Pastor” is an archaic man with a substandard imagination or he got his revelation from a god not God.

6. On the issue of masturbation in marriage and this is my opinion, you can disagree if you wish. Masturbation on its own is a wrong when done by an unmarried person and when done without the knowledge of your partner in marriage. If a married couple (or far from each other using skype or phone) decide to masturbate individually together, there is nothing wrong with that. Quote me anywhere.

7. Doggy-style was initially copied from dogs hence the name doggy-style but come to think of it, many animals have sex from the back including the horse, elephants, lions, tigers etc. So are these animals also sinning because they “copied” the rear entry style popularly called the doggy-style? What if this style being used by other animals is the original sex position not the missionary as lazy minded or lazy women (“the lie down and get it over it” kind of women) think.

8. Woman on top position which he also criticized as being one of the causes of penile fracture (when the penis literally fractures or bends uncomfortably during sex) is often used when the man is tired of thrusting or when the woman wants to take the initiative and rock her man to orgasm. So when the man is tired, sex is over? Laughable.

I can go on and on but I bet my position on this matter is as clear as daylight. I don’t doubt Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo’s spiritual calling but I doubt this his so called revelation from God. If he and his wife practice only missionary style during sex doesn’t give him the right/audacity to dictate to other married couples on how to make love. Using God is often a ploy by misguided “Pastors” to exploit the spiritual minded and make them belief anything. Don’t be confused, the God I know and worship is after your heart not the sex position you and your partner are using during sex. Be guided.

 

To watch full video on the Pastor’s sexual position revelation, click HERE

To read a transcript of the video, click HERE