Date Your Wife and Marry Your Girlfriend

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“Date your wife and marry your girlfriend” – Kurtis Smith, 2015

I can’t stress the above quote enough. Let me break it down.

Date your wife: Most people enter into relationships for various reasons. For companionship, to be taken care of (women are mostly guilty of this), for the sex (men raise your hands), for social acceptance, to blend in or even because of boredom. Only a fraction of relationships that start on such shaky grounds ever reach the altar and even so only a small percentage of them last 10 years happily.

But imagine, a man sees a woman in her flaws and envisions “forever after” with her. He looks out for her best interest at heart. Builds her. Supports her. Forgives her. Loves and cherishes her. He is dating his wife.

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Marry your girlfriend: Then they get married. From that wedding day, the title changes from wife to girlfriend. We have made the title “wife” heavy with too much responsibility. A wife should be this. A wife should be that. Too much pressure. Instead he treats her like his girlfriend. He doesn’t make her to wash/clean/cook and all those wifely mumbo jumbo. He takes her on dates, makes love to her anywhere and everywhere, spoils her, cocoons her in unbinding love. He is married to his girlfriend.

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So remember, when next you envision marriage. Try it the other way around. Date your husband and marry your boyfriend. YOLO should actually be YOMO. You Only Marry Once.  Don’t make divorce an option. Marry your boyfriend/girlfriend today.

#CoupleGoals: IG—>>>> @timi_dorgu and @ife_x.

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What is New About Your Love Life?

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You are both in love, that’s not new.
You talk to each other every day, that’s not new.
You lovebirds can’t stand being away from each other, nothing new.
You have unbridled, wild and sometimes steamy sex, still not new.

What’s new about your relationship with God pertaining to your relationship with him/her?

Has dating him taken you farther away from God or closer to God?

Has dating her strengthened your faith and resolve in God?

Has dating him made you worry more or worry less?

Has your “new” relationship increased your attendance in church and Godly activities or has it made going to church a burden?

Has being intertwined in your relationship entwined you in sin?

Has your relationship improved your Bible study hours or made your Bible a fashion accessory for only Sundays?

Do you both discuss sex more than God in your relationship?

Has “Good in bed” become your priority in choosing a date instead of “God lover”???

A relationSHIP without God is like a ship without a rudder, it’s going nowhere meaningful.

A relationSHIP that isn’t God centered will crash and it’s occupants will drown in sin.

Evaluate your love life now and make “God” the priority. If he is not in, he can use the door!!!!

 

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When The Pen is The Right Size

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Looking back at my early teenage years growing up, one event remains ever vivid in my memory and shaped my perception of sex forever.

I don’t know if I would tag what happened that fateful day a cruel punishment or a sick joke but what transpired between my roommates and the “evil seniors” was hella cruel.

We had just finished eating dinner in the hostel and had gone to the hostel to sleep when a senior called for a junior from our room for whatever purpose known to him.

A Senior simply had to say “Junior come to my room” and available juniors in that room were to rush to the senior with immediate alacrity.

So senior says “Junior come to my room” and everyone including myself pretends to be sleeping. Senior proceeds to the room, wakes everyone up and matches us to his room for punishment.

Senior and his mates with their sick sense of humor proceeds to humiliate us by making us all remove our trousers and for them to examine our dicks.

Every boy’s private part was scrutinized with small James a butt of most of their jokes.
“Will this one even impregnate a girl? With his penis like pencil” one said while the others laughed.

We were barely 13 years old so you can imagine the embarrassment on our innocent faces.

The biggest dicks were allowed to go back to the room unpunished while the ones with the smallest dicks were to be whipped with belts and made to wash all the seniors clothes.

That experience invariably implanted the notion that the bigger a man’s dick, the more manly he is and the more attractive he was to girls. Simple.

But (a big but actually), becoming sexually active has taught me something drastically different about the “the bigger the better” notion.

When I was younger, I never gave much thought to the size of my penis. I was well endowed growing up and I was very pleased with what nature had given me, I expected my partners to be happy with it, too.

Wrong!!!

Sex isn’t meant to be unpleasant and I didn’t want to hurt anybody but even when I was trying to be gentle it seemed unavoidable, and I found that hard to accept. I was apparently too big and that became my curse.

Concerning the size of a man’s penis and satisfying a woman, I have experienced the “too big” level and also heard “too small” tales wherein a lady is asking her partner if he’s in when he is actually in. Depressing stories.

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Every single woman is an individual, so I can’t generalize for all women but its safe to say that a woman’s preference for the size of a man’s penis is mainly dependent on two factors; the width of her vagina and her pain tolerance level.

For example, it would be suicidal for a virgin looking to open her sexual account to open with a large audience (I’m sure you get my drift..lol).

Alternatively, women who have given birth vaginally to children, and/or are sexually active would most likely be a little wider down there and more adventurous. These women may prefer men who are a little bit thicker (but not necessarily longer).

Some women can have just a little bit wider vagina than other women do and the width of her vagina would naturally determine the size of penis she becomes comfortable accommodating.

Pain threshold on the other hand is the maximum level of pain that a person is able to tolerate. Some ladies have a higher pain tolerance level than others which would make taking a bigger dick a risk worth taking and the more pain she tolerates, the further her pain threshold (the point at which pain begins to be felt) is pushed and the gradually her hormones and mind converts the pain to pleasure.

In fact, where size is concerned, most women think it’s girth (width) that matters, not length. Ladies just want to be able to feel you inside of them. Simple.

One very important point: most women do not orgasm through penis-in-vagina intercourse. Some do (approximately 25%, from what I hear). The remaining 75% need a man to focus on stimulating her clitoris and/or other parts of her vulva, and/or her G-spot. This can be done with the penis, but in that case the size of your penis really doesn’t matter one bit. And a majority of women seem to prefer oral sex (cunnilingus). No penis needed at all.

For women, achieving orgasm isn’t a simple in-and-out procedure the way it is for men. You’re going to have to start all over again with every single woman you have sex with, learning what works for her. So you may be figuring out by now, verbal communication is key. Ask her.

So anyone that tells you that ladies prefer it big isn’t entirely truthful with you.

In as much as ladies don’t like small dicks, no one wants to encounter a womb destroyer.

Long story short: it matters somewhat, but how said person is in bed (and how willing they are to be flexible and do what needs to be done for their partner) is way more important.” Becky

The most important thing to satisfying a lady is more what they do with their hands and mouth, rather than the penis being the only sexual effort!

Size is nice and definitely a plus, but if a guy know how to use it and have other ‘skills,’ then sometimes it doesn’t matter.

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References:
25 Women Share Their Thoughts on Whether Penis Size Matters on Bustle.com

43 Love Secrets on AskMen.com

How Women Really Feel About Penis Size on PsychologytToday.com

Does Size Really Matter on Mariecliare.co.uk

Why Does Size Matter to Almost Every Female on Quora.com

Underage Sex: When YES Means NO

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The year was 2011 and upon seeing my posting letter in camp, I didn’t know whether to disappear or let the ground swallow me. I was posted to one of the riverine areas in Bayelsa even after working/pleading/arranging/paying to be posted to the state capital, Yenegoa.

I couldn’t swim, I didn’t have a life jacket, I had never really traveled on water and here I had to report to a riverine area which was about 40 minutes trip on water.

In this despair, I disappeared to Lagos to contemplate my next plan of action. I resumed duty after a month when my hopes of a re-posting appeared bleak and had to forfeit my N19,800 allowee as punishment for absconding from duty.

Upon resumption at my PPA (Place of Primary Assignment), I noticed the following about the community.

# No light. No NEPA. Generators were the order of the day.
# No network. None. The river bank was your best chance of making and receiving calls.
# No running water. Water from the river was your only chance of getting water. The same river the villagers had their bath, washed their clothes and even poo’d in.
# The underage girls in the village where either pregnant or sexually active.

As a Petroleum Engineering graduate, I started off as an English and Biology teacher partly to teach sex education and help improve their spoken and written English.

One thing I swore never to do and never did was take advantage of my elevated position as a teacher/Corper to defile the small girls in the school or community.

I never allowed female students to visit me in the corper’s lodge (which was in the same compound with the school). I never for once discussed sexual topics privately with any female student. I never for once touched any female student inappropriately. I never for once made sexual advances at any female student.

I respected myself, the little children under my care, their parents and God.

Luke 12:48 “….For to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom men have committed much, from him they will ask the more”.

The responsibly of these girls. The care of these girls. The innocence of these girls. The future sexual conduct of these girls were inadvertently in my hands.

Why would I then subvert myself into a sexual predator preying on the inquisitiveness and ignorance of these teenage girls?

It was with disdain and anger that I read the news of one Gbadamosi Mayowa, an NYSC corps member serving in a secondary Edo state bragging of receiving head from one of his female students. In his FB post, he was quoted as saying “When your student wants the dick and you are contemplating. At the end she gon go down and suck the hell out of you……. #Babyboy #EdoCorper #BadGang”.

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This deranged Corper even boasted in previous posts of giving his students alcohol. Imagine the effrontery.

His posts caused an uproar and he has since deleted his Facebook account. Below are a few of the reactions to his sexual perversions.

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This is lesson to all male Corpers currently serving in mixed or girls only schools. Leave your students alone. If it’s sex you desire, get a mature girl to satisfy your sexual urge. You should be a pillar to these sexually naïve girls instead of taking advantage of them, robbing them of their innocence and turning teenage girls into nymphos.

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The Corper should be arrested and made to pay for his sexual exuberance. Having sex with underage in Western countries would bag you a prison sentence but in Nigeria, not even a police report is issued. When would we as a country begin to protect our girls from sexual predators in the kind of Gbadamosi Mayowa?

But wait a minute. Some places in my dear country allow girls as young as 13 years to be given up in marriage.

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Seems we are fighting a lost battle.

A Sexual Letter From The Virgin

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Dear Kurtis,
I don’t know how to say this so it doesn’t sound awkward but let me try. I am close to 28 years old and have been friends with this particular guy for over 15 years now. Our budding friendship started while as kids in Secondary school and later it blossomed into two teenagers liking themselves but too naive to do anything about it. Then we finished secondary school and still kept in touch. I traveled out of the country to continue my studies while he stayed back. Our love grew even faster although continents apart. I would be coming to Nigeria for Christmas and will ultimately see him. I can hardly wait. But something has left me unease about our upcoming “reunion”.
I am a 28 year old virgin, I don’t even know if that’s a good thing anymore but anytime I have ever thought of loosing my virginity, it’s to him but I’m scared of how the experience at my age would be. I also feel I would be inadequate for him. I mean he has told me about his sexual experiences with lots of girls and don’t think I can measure up to them sexually. Am I just freaking out because of my “virgin brain” or are my fears unfounded?
The Virgin Girl……

Dear The Virgin Girl,
I laughed out loud after you inferred that you had a virgin brain. Who says that? I like your humor tho.
Let me start off this counselling section as my Pastor would love me to (he reads my write-ups and would freak out if I didn’t bring this up at this juncture). So here goes. You have been a virgin for so long. 28 years in this sexually perverse World of ours is a lifetime in our grand parent’s time. Why not just hold on for a few more years until marriage? If this special guy so many years loves you so much then he should pop the question and wait to take your cherry on your wedding night. Makes sense.

But I’m sure that’s not what you asked my advice for so let me keep my church talk to myself. You are old enough to decide what to do with your body. That said.

You have reservations about how your first time would be. It’s normal especially for a 28 year old virgin like you (and yes it’s a good thing and something to be very proud of). You are gonna lose it to someone you hold dear not some random dude so that should count for something. Just be relaxed. Makes sure you both make out extensively so as to get your body ready for the “hardwork” ahead. It’s gonna hurt even more so because of your age but remember no pain, no gain. You are a big girl and you can take it (pun intended).

For your insecurities about his experience and feeling inadequate, there is something you should know. So this is how it works. A guy is never too experienced for a girl. Only a girl can be too experienced for a guy. Reasons being:
i. Guys have ego. Girls don’t (most). A guy’s ego can’t stand being shown the way by a girl while a girl is ready to learn from a guy.
ii. Guys are built to be in charge and in control while girls readily follow his lead.
iii. Guys have a body that isn’t “treasured”, while a girl’s body is like a jewel and should be protected. That’s why a guy can sleep with a hundred girls and be hailed as a player but a girl sleeps with ten boys, she’s loose (sexuality isn’t fair to girls I know).
iv. Guys can sleep with any amount of women and it won’t show. Girls on the other hand, the more sex she has, the more her vaginal walls slacks (even a girl’s body betrays her sexually).
v Lastly. Every girl wants a man that knows the way. Not some novice that doesn’t know his left from his right.

You just need to relax, follow his lead and y’all are gonna have a great time together. Have fun.

When Your Addiction Becomes Dangerously Addictive

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I was wondering about on the internet where I came across a news article detailing the demise of a rising musician to the cold hands of death.
What killed him? One might ask.
A car accident? Nope.
Sickness, maybe? You would still be wrong.
What of old age? He was only 24 years old so except he is Benjamin Button, that’s a non starter.
So what killed him?

Drug overdose.
An addiction of incomprehensible repercussions.

While dwelling on the sad news, I could not help but ask questions.

What is a young good looking man looking for in the evil embrace of drugs?
What is so satisfying about doing drugs?
Couldn’t he see the danger he was putting himself into by doing drugs?
Why couldn’t he forgo the “satisfaction” he derived from taking those damn drugs?

It’s funny how people judge other people’s shortcomings based on their own thinking. I have never taken drugs (and never will) so how could I  even possibly understand what this young man saw in them.

His addiction might be drugs but then again, we all have addictions. Fortunately for some, their addictions aren’t as life threatening as others.

People might berate the young man for being a drug addict but they themselves are alcoholics.
The sex addict on the other hand might look down on the ‘mastubator’ while the womanizer might chastize the chain smoker.

One thing makes equal reading for all of the above. They are all in a bondage to their addictions.

The addiction might be to drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, women, weed, or even impulsive eating. One thing remains clear, anything you can’t do without clearly has a hold on you and as long as that ‘addiction’ is not God related, it is detrimental.

The question now is, how do I know what I am addicted to?

Simply put. Anything you can’t go a month without.

If you can’t go a month without having sex, sex has a hold on you.
If you can’t go a month without watching porn and mastubating, ‘pornubate’ has you in the palm of its hands.
If you can’t go a month without going shopping, you are being weighed down by its tentacles.

Are you a bad person?
A resounding NO.

But the sooner you realize your addiction, the sooner you can work on reducing its stranglehold on your life.
As the young man at the top of this article found out, your addiction is potent enough to potentially kill you if not curtailed.

Stop your addiction from being  dangerously addictive.

Be wise.

Children, Parents and Sex Education

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I was about heading to boarding school at about 11 years old when my mother called me into her room for a talk. I had no idea what she had in mind until she opened her mouth.
I can’t remember all she said but one sentence stuck “you are a man now, do not get a girl pregnant”.
She didn’t seem too comfortable with the topic and the conversation was over faster than it started.

I was a kid who knew nothing about the female anatomy, knew nothing about sexual intercourse, knew nothing about pregnancy but was given an ultimatum “do not get a girl pregnant?” How do I even get a girl pregnant? I didn’t know but was never told.

My dad? The word ‘sex’ seems like a forbidden word because I have never heard him utter any sentence with ‘sex’ embedded in it.

All I know about sex, I had to learn from external sources. I was fortunate to keep my virginity till I was done with my teenage years but that was out of lack of opportunity not intentional.

So my question is, when is it really okay to discuss sex with children? Should parents leave it up to teachers in school? Or friends in the neighborhood?

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Let’s take a look Ebun’s story.

Little Ebun Joseph (pseudonym) was given a rude introduction into the meaning of sex in the most unimaginable way. And it stemmed from what was supposed to be a seemingly harmless question.

“Daddy, what is sex?” The little girl asked one day after school.

The father, who is a clergy, hushed her up gently but firmly. He told her she was not supposed to mention such a word in the house again. The inquisitive little girl sulked up to her mother and asked the same question. She got a similar response.

The next day, still unsatisfied by the answers given by her parents, Ebun asked her mother’s driver as he drove her to school.

“Uncle, what is sex?”

In a moment of surprise, the driver’s mood was twisted by morbid fascination. He warned her not to tell her parents what he was about to teach her. The little girl innocently agreed. He decided to ‘show’ her the meaning. He raped her. She was just six years old at the time. The little girl was too scared to tell her parents. She went through that ordeal until she was 15, without the knowledge of her parents.

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Experts on sex matters have warned about the dangers of parents shying away from discussing sex with their children.

One of them is a child sexuality educator and relationship expert, Mr. Praise Fowowe. He said there was danger in not empowering children about sex education during their impressionable years.

“This is because the strength of a sex predator is the ignorance of a child. But once the child is adequately equipped with the right, appropriate knowledge about sex, it would then be impossible for a predator to molest that child. Sex education, just like charity, should start from the home,” Fowowe said.

According to Science Daily, sex education “is a broad term used to describe education about human sexual anatomy, sexual reproduction, sexual intercourse, and other aspects of human sexual behaviour.”

Fowowe further explained that sex education for children must consider the well-being of a child. “This includes letting them aware of their body parts, and how they respond and react to things about their bodies,” he said.

Also, a counselling and developmental psychologist at the Department of Counselling and Human Development Studies, University of Ibadan, Oyo State, Prof. Ajibola Falaye, advised parents to introduce sex education to children when they started to ask curious questions about their bodies and the making of babies.

She stated, ‘‘From psychology, we know that some form of basic sex education should begin from between the ages of three to six. Some children start having immature sex feelings at a young age. When children ask questions about anatomical differences in gender, parents should be able to explain to them with straightforward answers, and not muddled interpretation.

“You don’t have to give too many details to children about sex. It should be said in a way that children can understand and appreciate.”

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However, sex education remains a controversial issue, especially in this clime where some, for religious leanings and fears, believe that children, at whatever age, should not be taught about sex or anything remotely related to it.

A parenting counsellor and children life coach, Mr. Kingsley Obom-Egbulem, said some people have kicked against teaching children about the issues related to sex because of the word ‘sex.’

He said, “Some people have been kicking against sex education because they believe that when one uses the word sex, one is actually talking about sexual intercourse and not just the anatomy. But when it comes to children, I believe parents should start telling their children about their private body parts as from the age of one or two. This would help the child to understand his or her body as he or she grows up.”

Obom-Egbulem likened such basic sex education to ‘arming children against abuse.”

He stated, “Sexual abuse is a real concern at that level. We should draw a line between sex education and sexual intercourse. Parents should help their children to become familiar and comfortable with their body parts.

For child rights activist, Mrs. Helen Oshikoya, “Children should be made to be aware of the basics about their body parts. Also, one can inform them that if they are touched inappropriately or gestures of sexual contents are made to them, they should report such to their parents.”

Besides, Fowowe added that sex education should begin at different stages.

He explained further: “There is what is called age appropriation sexual education, The first stage can start when the child is between 18 months and three years, the next stage is from ages three to five; then five to eight, eight to 12, and from 13 to 18. At these different stages, the children are taught different basics about sex and values according to the age and maturity.’’

He also said, “The challenge is that when parents hear of sexual education, they think it is connotes teaching them about penetration sex. That is not even involved until the child is old enough, at about 13 or 14. From the age of three for example, the child needs to be taught about the body parts, and the proper names and differences between private and public body parts and how to handle the parts. For the younger ages, story-telling, role plays and songs are good methods to use in teaching them basic sex education. From five years upwards, the format changes, which includes, ‘fire on the mountain’ – what children should avoid, and so on.”

Falaye said parents should take it as a responsibility to teach their children basic sex education, and not leave it to others to teach them. She noted that the lack of sex education and awareness of the issue had led to several problems plaguing children and society.

She said, “Experimentation in adolescence and peer influence causes a lot of misguided sexual actions. That’s why there should be mother-daughter, father-son communication on sex education, and let them know the right information. Research has shown that when there is good mother-daughter communication on sex, the girl is wholesome as far as sex behaviour is concerned. It is the same with the father-son relationship.”

On her part, Founder, Media Concern Initiative, Princess Olufemi-Kayode, agreed with Falaye, adding that the best time to teach sex education should be immediately the child started inquiring about it.

She said, ‘‘It is the best time to start teaching one’s child about basic sex education also called sexuality or life skill education, just like one tells children that they should stay away from fire and the reasons why; because today’s children are more advanced and their curiosity is more heightened.”

Olufemi-Kayode noted that parents should also get some needed education to give their kids better education on issues of sex.

Fowowe also noted that it was needful for parents to begin giving their children sex education at an early age because of the rate of sexual exposure from outside sources, including television, Internet and from peers.

Also speaking, a parent, Mr. John Adewuyi, said it was proper to teach children sex education at early ages in order for them to be empowered sexually as they advance in age. “This includes teaching them about their body parts and why daddy is different from mummy,”he said.

It’s high time parents and guardians take the bull by the horn and educated their children and wards to stop the growing trend of paedophiles violating   these little ones.

If you are too shy to discuss sex with your children, someone out there won’t be too shy to teach them a thing or two about sex.

Be guided.

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Edited from an article by ARUKAINO UMUKORO for www.punchng.com

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