What IF banana FALL on you today?

 

'will design for fo2'

What IF I told you that banana would FALL on you now, what would you say? Lol.

The Nigerian music scene has been laden with so much sexual innuendo that one can’t help but flinch when eating fruits these days.

No fruit or plant has escaped musicians wrath with cassava, cucumber, banana, eggplant all caught in their sexually explicit lingua franca.

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These sexual undertones have endeared most to these artists and their songs but taking a deeper look into the male organ, what do women really have to say about its size and usage?

In an impromptu survey conducted on a group of 10 friends, ‘size matters’ came up tops for 5 participants, 4 went for ‘usage’ while the last one went for something I never heard in my life (we will discuss that much later).
In the view of the ‘size matters’ advocates, as long as the size of a man’s organ isn’t big enough for the width of a woman’s vagina, no matter how good he is, she won’t reach sexual climax.

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The 4 people championing the course for ‘usage’ however insist that size does in fact matter with one going as far as quoting the preacher, Myles Munroe who said “when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. In the words of two ‘usage’ advocates; “Size doesn’t matter. Some sizes could be big and still not function properly so what matters is how skilled the owner is at using it. Size only adds to the feeling”.

However, out of the 10 people questioned, whereas five chose ‘size’ and four opted for ‘usage’, one stood out completely. The purpose of this article is looking at her very interesting view on the subject matter.

In Halimat’s opinion, size doesn’t matter and usage doesn’t really matter, ‘aura’ matters.
In her words “It all depends on the mind and desire. The mind works in mysterious ways. It creates the picture and sends to the brain which in return produces hormones. For this reason a person can be sexually attracted to a woman who is endowed without her necessarily using that endowment in bed. It’s all about the mind of an individual not the size or usage of the joystick”.

 

It took me a while to understand her point of view but then it hit me.

A girl can fall for the body of a man who’s not good in bed and with a small organ because her mind has taken her satisfaction from the actual sex to the aura surrounding him. Only his hands over her, his kisses, his touch, his tongue, his words, his sweat, his energy makes her achieve climax. Her mind has rewired her brain from the ‘size’ and ‘usage’ mentality to the ‘aura’ mentality. Makes total sense.

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Just like a car owner who loves a particular car, dreams of the car, craves for the car only to get the car and find out that it consumes too much fuel or doesn’t drive as he had wished fast. His love for the car would require his brain to ignore the other elements not working to his taste.

Same way a girl can love a guy that cheats but still stay in the relationship because he takes good care of her and makes her happy.
The same way a man can stay with a lady girl in bed because her booty is made of silicon.

Same way a girl can become a single mother for Davido just because of the aura (fame, money, influence, power, personality) he carries around with him.
Think about it.

So when next you are asked the question, does size matter. Maybe your answer should be, ‘no, size doesn’t matter, aura does’.

On a different note, maybe we are just crazy and might never know what women really want…lol

'will design for food 2'

Is Missionary The Only Holy Sexual Position As a Pastor Said?

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During the course of the week, a video by a UK based Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo went viral where he spoke of his revelation from God about “sexual sins” committed by married couples. In his words, the Lord said amongst other things that “God’s children are confused, so they must be warned about these sins that are taking them to hell, so they will not perish. He visually showed me these people’s sins on the “judgment screen” and audibly warned against married couples masturbating on their beds, looking at pornography, oral sex, trying different styles of sexual intercourse to “spice it up,” such as “doggie style” penetration from behind, and various positions, including the wife on top (e.g., so-called “rocking horse,” “cowboy,” or “cowgirl” positions), and hanging your wife (a type of domination and bondage position, involving tying her down, intended to simulate rape). The only position that is holy in God’s sight is the face-to-face position with the husband on top.”
In a bid to explain his point, he went further “The Word teaches us that the husband is the head of the wife. ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.’ (Eph 5:23; cf. 1 Cor 11:3). He is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, not lust after her. He is supposed to take the lead in the relationship, including on the marital bed. His wife is not supposed to be the aggressor or the one taking the lead. She is the responder to his love.
He was not finished, according to him, God had something to say about oral sex, he continued “The Lord told me to say, ‘Men are my image and men are my glory! Men are the glory of God. And every time God is looking at you, He wants you to continue to promote more of His glory. If you now change the glory of God into something that is corruptible, into lust, into immorality, the Lord said you will not make it into heaven.” The Lord said, “If you are doing oral sex, you are not coming to heaven.” And the same goes for other immoral acts you do on your bed. Do not do these things. It is evil before the Lord.

To summarize his “sexual revelation” from God, he said according to God;
1. Missionary (man on-top) is the only holy sexual position because a man is the head of the wife and supposed to take the lead in the relationship even on the marital bed. Therefore any sexual position that makes a woman take the lead or dictate the pace is unholy.
2. Doggy-style and other sexual positions that mimic animals are unholy and should not be practiced by married couples.
3. Any married couple that practices oral sex are bound for hell fire.

These are my objections to his revelations:
1. The “A man is the head of a woman” message is often used by people to make a woman look like a sheep being led by a shepherd without a voice or a choice of her own. Firstly, if he uses the man is the head of a woman to insinuate that the man takes the lead in everything at home and therefore should take the lead during sex then he is also trying to say that the man should take the lead in the kitchen, take the lead in giving birth, take the lead in breastfeeding the children etc. It’s obvious that societal and difference in genetic makeup has made some responsibilities like childbirth, breastfeeding, cooking to be associated with the woman while other responsibilities like bread winning, security etc to be associated with the man. The woman takes the lead in her own role while the man takes the lead in his. Now to sex, whose responsibility is it to take the lead? The man or the woman? Depends on the couple. So this gibberish about a man taking the lead during sex is nonsensical.

2. When a woman is pregnant, missionary position is not practical because it endangers the baby and the woman, therefore other alternative positions like the spooning position where both lie side by side with the man behind the woman facing away from the protruding stomach is often advised. Is he trying to tell us that since missionary is the only holy sexual position and it can’t be used during late pregnancy, that God doesn’t want a married couple to have sex during pregnancy? Very questionable.

3. Watching pornography in marriage is wrong basically because the people you are watching having sex are committing sin. These porn stars are mostly singles committing fornication or married folks committing adultery with single folks. Bottom line, watching pornography is wrong except you are watching a sex video of you and your married partner.

4. Oral sex is not bad or evil. I repeat oral sex is not bad or evil. In his revelation, he said God took him to hell and showed him a special place in hell where people that had oral sex in marriage were burning. Seriously? So there is also a special place in hell for armed robbers, prostitutes, rapists or the likes of Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and co. Ludicrous. If you love going down on your wife/husband, please be my guest.

5. He was also of the opinion that sex between a married couple should only be conducted within the confines of their marital bed. What happened to the sitting room couch, or in the bathroom, or in the kitchen, or in the car or in the garden. It’s either this “Pastor” is an archaic man with a substandard imagination or he got his revelation from a god not God.

6. On the issue of masturbation in marriage and this is my opinion, you can disagree if you wish. Masturbation on its own is a wrong when done by an unmarried person and when done without the knowledge of your partner in marriage. If a married couple (or far from each other using skype or phone) decide to masturbate individually together, there is nothing wrong with that. Quote me anywhere.

7. Doggy-style was initially copied from dogs hence the name doggy-style but come to think of it, many animals have sex from the back including the horse, elephants, lions, tigers etc. So are these animals also sinning because they “copied” the rear entry style popularly called the doggy-style? What if this style being used by other animals is the original sex position not the missionary as lazy minded or lazy women (“the lie down and get it over it” kind of women) think.

8. Woman on top position which he also criticized as being one of the causes of penile fracture (when the penis literally fractures or bends uncomfortably during sex) is often used when the man is tired of thrusting or when the woman wants to take the initiative and rock her man to orgasm. So when the man is tired, sex is over? Laughable.

I can go on and on but I bet my position on this matter is as clear as daylight. I don’t doubt Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo’s spiritual calling but I doubt this his so called revelation from God. If he and his wife practice only missionary style during sex doesn’t give him the right/audacity to dictate to other married couples on how to make love. Using God is often a ploy by misguided “Pastors” to exploit the spiritual minded and make them belief anything. Don’t be confused, the God I know and worship is after your heart not the sex position you and your partner are using during sex. Be guided.

 

To watch full video on the Pastor’s sexual position revelation, click HERE

To read a transcript of the video, click HERE